We’ve already detailed the disrupting effects of Chipotle both on the minds of Berkeley and the what would happen if it had opened this week. Suffice it to say, Berkeley has openly embraced Mexican supersization.

It should be obvious that any restaurant that modernizes Mexican food in an industrial aesthetic is asking to get heartburned. And don’t even get us started on “Chipotle” next to other creative masterpieces like La Salsa, Del Taco and Baja Fresh. At least Taco Bell synthesized two dichotomous words to produce a new term for shit-you-really-shouldn’t-eat and added E. coli to boot. The only thing that beings to compare in ethnic insensitivity is Rosie O’Donnell’s Mandarin.

But lately la problema has become worse than may have been foreseen. The spread of burritos onto campus and into classrooms has been more disruptive than imagined and geeky students have gotten trendy, ironic consumerism all wrong. Whereas English majors may proudly accessorize themselves with an independent, fair-trade non-fat sugar-free double latte, this does not empower everyone else to burrito slam in public spaces.

For one, sitting around discussing Faulkner is as unsustainable for one’s lifetime as delightfully sipping out of an environmentally unfriendly paper cup surrounded by a cardboard ring so to not burn the soft, delicate pilgrims’ hands they do touch. They go hand in Emily Dickinson-loving hand.

Dos, burritos are for fat people (see for yourself). Be reminded that nothing lacks of grace more than a person unhinging their jaw in order to engulf an unorganized load of starch wrapped in starch. Moreover, nobody wants to see a guac, sour cream, and salsa facial depicting the Mexican flag during The Southern Border discussion.

For the morons who failed to read between the lines in their R1As, Chipotle, burritos and the people who love them are a not.


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