Somebody got all antsy and went and started anoncon without us (WE’RE TALKING TO YOU, KRYPTICNIGHT.) Admittedly, this year’s anoncon is a little lame (I mean, 60% percent of them can’t even be for real), but fear not, we’re still here to cull the best from over 8,000 anonymous confessions for your viewing pleasure.

Looks like someone uses facebook as obsessively as you do:

bq. On facebook when I wish people happy birthday who I really want to wish a happy birthday but am not sure what to write, I write, “Happy birthday!!” I use two exclamation marks because if I used one that would be generic and would not convey the proper degree of exciement I have, but if I used three, then that would be cliched excitement, and if I used more, then I would feel like I was in 7th grade still. So I use two.

Sufjan Stevens, inter-state lover:

bq. I fucked Sufjan Stevens when he was on tour here. I was like, “Wanna fuck?” and he was all “Chicago!”

And best of all, an anonymous confessor reveals the meaning of life. (Hint: It’s very centrally located on Durant and Telegraph.)

bq. if you go to yogurt park and pull down all six levers at once, it unlocks a secret flavor that will open your eyes to the heavens. not bullshit.


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