With obviously one thing on their minds, mechanical engineering students displayed their Beirut-playing robot Friday afternoon. Who said beer pong had no purpose in higher education?

It was going so well for the Bears, until last year’s Pac-10 Freshman of the Year, guard Alexis Gray-Lawson saw her season come to an end last weekend in Kansas (the San Francisco Chronicle report “here”:http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2006/12/13/sports/s170940S69.DTL).

The torn knee ligaments will sideline the best of players, no matter how gutsy he or she is.

And while Gray-Lawson has seen her points production drop as low as many of your GPAs after your finals this week, what Cal is losing is leadership skills and someone who can handle the ball and not have a Marshawn Lynch-esque fumble. (Yes, we’re still doggin’ Marshawn.)

The Bears will most likely hand the reigns to the offense over to freshman Natasha Vital.

It will be vitally important for Vital to make sure she continues to get the ball into Ashley Walker and Devanei Hampton down low.

Luckily for Vital, AGL wasn’t having that great of a scoring season, so she won’t feel any added pressure in trying to make up points loss. But what she can’t do is turn the ball over.

Do that, and Cal’s chances of making the Tournament for the second year in a row are gone as fast as that 4.0 GPA you were all looking for this semester.

Somebody got all antsy and went and started anoncon without us (WE’RE TALKING TO YOU, KRYPTICNIGHT.) Admittedly, this year’s anoncon is a little lame (I mean, 60% percent of them can’t even be for real), but fear not, we’re still here to cull the best from over 8,000 anonymous confessions for your viewing pleasure.

Looks like someone uses facebook as obsessively as you do:

bq. On facebook when I wish people happy birthday who I really want to wish a happy birthday but am not sure what to write, I write, “Happy birthday!!” I use two exclamation marks because if I used one that would be generic and would not convey the proper degree of exciement I have, but if I used three, then that would be cliched excitement, and if I used more, then I would feel like I was in 7th grade still. So I use two.

Sufjan Stevens, inter-state lover:

bq. I fucked Sufjan Stevens when he was on tour here. I was like, “Wanna fuck?” and he was all “Chicago!”

And best of all, an anonymous confessor reveals the meaning of life. (Hint: It’s very centrally located on Durant and Telegraph.)

bq. if you go to yogurt park and pull down all six levers at once, it unlocks a secret flavor that will open your eyes to the heavens. not bullshit.

Our big brother faced some gnarly technical difficulties. Well, maybe not as gnarly as being hacked for access to 800,000 people’s personal information.

But as the first in web excellence, we know how to recover somewhat quickly, at least faster than when the Cal Patriot lost its domain name.

Anyway, enough watercooler chit chat. We’re back to clogging and keeping your finals hell enjoyable.

We know you’d like to jump off a skyscraper right now. And you’re probably telling everyone on your buddy list about the horrible situation you’re in, trying to get as many sympathetic witnesses of your inevitable Astro 10 suicide. Fear not, The Clog has some perspective for you:

From the same group, Improv Everywhere, comes a video that’s sure to have you ready for the streakers. Speaking of which, we would love to publicize streaking events for you this season. Just hit us up at “[email protected]”:mailto:[email protected] In the mean time, enjoy:

We’ve already detailed the disrupting effects of Chipotle both on the minds of Berkeley and the what would happen if it had opened this week. Suffice it to say, Berkeley has openly embraced Mexican supersization.

It should be obvious that any restaurant that modernizes Mexican food in an industrial aesthetic is asking to get heartburned. And don’t even get us started on “Chipotle” next to other creative masterpieces like La Salsa, Del Taco and Baja Fresh. At least Taco Bell synthesized two dichotomous words to produce a new term for shit-you-really-shouldn’t-eat and added E. coli to boot. The only thing that beings to compare in ethnic insensitivity is Rosie O’Donnell’s Mandarin.

But lately la problema has become worse than may have been foreseen. The spread of burritos onto campus and into classrooms has been more disruptive than imagined and geeky students have gotten trendy, ironic consumerism all wrong. Whereas English majors may proudly accessorize themselves with an independent, fair-trade non-fat sugar-free double latte, this does not empower everyone else to burrito slam in public spaces.

For one, sitting around discussing Faulkner is as unsustainable for one’s lifetime as delightfully sipping out of an environmentally unfriendly paper cup surrounded by a cardboard ring so to not burn the soft, delicate pilgrims’ hands they do touch. They go hand in Emily Dickinson-loving hand.

Dos, burritos are for fat people (see for yourself). Be reminded that nothing lacks of grace more than a person unhinging their jaw in order to engulf an unorganized load of starch wrapped in starch. Moreover, nobody wants to see a guac, sour cream, and salsa facial depicting the Mexican flag during The Southern Border discussion.

For the morons who failed to read between the lines in their R1As, Chipotle, burritos and the people who love them are a not.

Finals come at a really bad time. Just when you want to get your holiday cheer on, you’re stuck as a shut in reading all the books you were supposed to read all semester long. Well, there’s more bad news.

In honor of the 8 days of finals, The Clog is bringing you 8 new features. We hope they drive down your GPA and are as distracting as the anoncon. We recommend sharing The Clog with all your best friends and your worst enemies, after all, why should you be the only one not focusing.

Happy end of semester from the Clog. Here’s what you can look forward to:

# Best Confessions: Live and reporting on the anoncon, we’ll bring you the confessions that make you cry, yell “Here ye!”, or ROFLCOPTER.
# Burn Book: The intersection of anoncon and Facebook brings amazing potential. Here we’ll give you an informed opinion about people mentioned in the anoncon. Heads up: If anybody lobbs fugly slut, we’ll start sensitivity training for all the junior girls.
# Study Buddy: It’s tough getting through finals on your own. Here we give you the best study aids available on the black market.
# Where You’d Rather: With the be implied, this features brings all the places you’re not to you. It’s almost like being there, if being there is Moffitt.
# Spot Stop: Want to know what the stacks crowd is looking like? Are pajamas acceptable at Milano this time of day? We fill you in on the spots where students cram most.
# Video Rodeo: This isn’t any low class feature. Pronounced like the shopping ave in the Hills of Beverly, the top You Tube videos.
# Hot or Not: Opinions make the world go round. We choose something, and tell you whether it is hot or not.
# Famous Without Finals: Lots of people got filthy rich and/or famous without ever graduating from college. It’s not too late for you to drop out now.

Hindsight is a weekly recap of the good stuff, for better or for worse.

* More tree protester stories than we can shake a stick at. [Daily Cal]
* UC spending $500,000 on its image crisis reminds us of when UCLA spent $90,000 on a logo that looked like this: UCLA. [SF Gate]
* 1-11. Apparently even Stanfurd football has standards. [Daily Clog]
* Let the chancellor poaching begin! [Daily Cal]
* College journalists do what they do best: write about injustice. [Daily Cal]
* We were sort of wrong about Zook’s courses. Whatever, he’s still not teaching many. [Daily Cal]
* Arts section drives Pitchfork through our hearts, #4 especially. [Daily Cal]
* Big Game not the Big Easy. [Daily Clog]
* Whose knife? Our knife. [Daily Clog]

Last week: Burritos In, Coffee Out

Si.com has announced their “All-American team”:http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2006/football/ncaa/12/07/all.americans/index.html, and guess which Cal football player did not make the list?

We guess when you fizzle against the big boys and get benched against Stanfurd, Si.com won’t look too highly of you.

That’s why we think Mr. Marshawn “Not so Money” Lynch got shafted from Si’s All-American list.

Now, that’s a way to burst that hyphy-lovin’ bubble isn’t it?

Of course, defensive back Daymeion Hughes made the list. He had eight interceptions all season, a nice gaudy number which prompted someone on Facebook to create the ““Daymeion Hughes can intercept a North Korean nuclear missile!””:http://berkeley.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2213553387

Yeah, sure he can. But I know he can get up and get a football. That’s if he doesn’t get burned by the wide receiver.

And the most electrifying player on the Bears also got tabbed as an All-American as a punt returner. Let’s start those DeSean Jackson for Heisman campaigns now.

Just don’t let it get to his head, like in this ESPN feature. “Sometimes I don’t know how I do it, but it’s kind of great.” Okay D-jax, settle down.

We got a hot tip this morning from one of you telling us Professor Darren Zook had been blocked from teaching all of the classes he was teaching next semester, except one.

It looks like it might be so. Our big brother is investigating and should have a report in tomorrow’s print edition.

In the mean time, if you have any details or even hotter tips, hit our inbox at “[email protected]”:mailto:[email protected]

Classes in which Zook was scheduled:
* Asian Studies 10B – Introduction to Modern Asian Cultures
* International and Area Studies 230
* Peace and Conflict Studies 190 – Senior Seminar
* PEIS 98/198 – “Discovering China: Culture, Politics and Business”
* Political Science 149E – Special Topics in Area Studies

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