On Thursday, we got a glimpse into Berkeley’s future when the university released data on the more than 10,000 students accepted for next fall. For reasons that boggle the soul, our school felt the burning desire to tell us we admitted

a student who danced with a ballet academy in Salzburg, Austria; several nationally-ranked debaters; a member of the U.S. Junior Olympic Water Polo team; a nationally-ranked chess player; and several members of a high school team that won the first place in the American Computer Science League All-Star Contest. The class also includes 44 sets of twins.

Several members of a prolific comp-sci team???!! Really??!! AND 44 sets of real-life, honest-to-god twins!! Excuse us as we all simultaneously wet ourselves.

Honestly, no celebrities? We couldn’t admit a Star Wars Kid caliber famous person to make things interesting in this urban-hippie-hellhole? Couldn’t we get Jonny Moseley or SuChin Pak for another season? Being on MTV totally proves that you took advantage of opportunities.

You’d figure that we’d get something a bit more substantial from such a gigantic class. Nope, stuck with the usual batch of MCATs-obsessed stress queens and EECS androids. Thanks a lot, Office of Undergraduate Admissions. Now, only an incoming class of 88 Siamese twin debate wizards can salvage fall ’07′s prospects of being interesting.

It’s important to note, though, that these students haven’t decided to join our ranks just yet. Berkeley expects only about 4,250 kids to enroll. It is also important to note that Berkeley accepted 370 more students than they did last year. So don’t expect much breathing room in the RSF come September.



Comments:
Ben said:
Apr 6, 2007 at 10:02 pm

Dude. Twins are hot. I’m totally stoked for that.