As the year wraps up, many underclassmen (and older slackers) are finally starting to get a grip on this major thing. Lucky for you, the Clog is here to help with the process. Here’s our amazing commentary on all the big concentrations. And on the topic of choosing a major, relax people. It’s only your life hanging in the balance.
MCB: When you’re taking that Hippocratic Oath, you might reflect on overcoming those difficult obstacles of your undergrad career. Like your nasty Adderall addiction. And like that time your roommate started choking on something, and his gasping and clawing interrupted a pre-midterm webcast session. He could have Heimliched himself, damn it. And to think, his mother actually got angry when you merely suggested that she donate his corpse for your med school dissection experiments. Can’t she understand that a doctor job is the only way to shut your (insert ethnic stereotype here) parents up?
Architorture: The department is located in the world’s ugliest building. Rumor has it that Wurster is the only structure constructed from just irony and mockery. Students with this major can often be found guarding their weird-looking, fragile projects from clumsy/drunk friends. If the future architects don’t protect their masterpieces with a meth-fueled mother hen-like tenacity, the following scene will likely occur:Architecture Student: “Ah, my vanilla wafer model of the Pittsburg bridges is finally complete! Now I can sleep for the first time in two weeks.”
Steve Erkel: “Oh wow, that’s a spiffy-looking pack of bridges you got there! Mind if I take a gander? Don’t worry, there’s no chance I’ll slip and—oh! Whoa mama!”
(Crashing noises)
Architecture Student: “Why me?! Oh god! Oh god! Fuck!”
Erkel: “Did I do that?”
Ethnic Studies: Race is a social construct, not a biological reality. Rinse, repeat. Race is a social construct, not a biological reality. Rinse, repeat. Race is a social construct…
Sociology: Speaking of social constructs not rooted in reality…
Just kidding, you Sociology nuts out there. You know the Clog has a gigantic boner for Weber!
Political Science: The Clog is mystified as to why the science of deception and power-tripping would be popular among prospective lawyers. Oh, and we’re not saying that it’s possible to bullshit your way through this major. But we’re also not not saying it’s possible to bullshit your way through this major.
EECS: Our department here is so great that, many years ago, they replaced all the Foothill residents with emotionless robots. And no one noticed a thing. The ability of the soulless automatons to stomach that Foothill Dining Hall food is definitely a bonus. Now, if only they could fix that malfunction where the robots play Counter Strike instead of having lives…
History: Explain how the political, social, cultural, and economic effects of blah influenced the blah in the periods of blah and blah. Compare and contrast with a special emphasis on not going insane from ID memorization.
Business Administration: Some days, they make the EECS bots look expressive. If the University made eating puppies a requirement for getting into Hass, Wetpets San Pablo would probably set a sales record.
Political Economy of Industrialized Societies: So what if your major sounds like an obscure doctoral thesis—a thesis probably written by a monocle-sporting creature who would make the MCB roommate seem lively. At least you get to study political economics. As opposed to, you know, learning about that apolitical bullshit.
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Jun 30, 2008 at 2:37 am
wanna go out?