As barely legal freshmen/doe-eyed transfers begin their classes, we figure many are wondering how to get by with a little help from those who are at least a year’s worth of tuition poorer. So allow this meaningless credibility to strongly influence your first semester’s experiences with these new-to-campus tips:* Do NOT ride the 51 bus line between Dana Street and Dwight Way. This covers two important points—avoid our dirty looks, and exercise your otherwise latent quads. By the end of the semester, you (or your love interests) will thank us for keeping up with Foothill residents’ thus far incomparably tight thighs.* Procrastinate! We’re probably the only ones who will ever tell you this, but since it’s inevitable that you will procrastinate writing/studying for at least one critical midterm, we recommend honing this enviable skill.* Don’t eat in class! We attend a public school with notoriously low-paid custodial staff. We don’t want to pick up your trash, and we especially don’t want to smell you crunch away on your Corn Nuts.* Stop stressing! As the handy flier from the toilet stall of Davidson Hall’s 6th floor told us long ago, stress can cause a number of physical ailments that can bring you and your precious GPA down.* We implore you to shower frequently and pick up your damn hair from the drain. Your RA will likely grate you about this later, but for the benefit of the floormates you’ll grow to hate for other reasons, just do it.Last but not least, seek out opportunities. There are a veritable ton of things to do on campus and in Berkeley for cheap or free:* Cal Performances offers 50% ticket discounts to all UCB students* The Department of Theater, Dance, and Performance Studies produces shows with ticket prices from $8 to free* Award-winning a cappella groups sing for free at Sather Gate* There’s free swing dancing (plus lessons!) on Sproul Plaza* Free Tree People-gawking near Memorial StadiumAnd don’t forget the innumerable chances to piss off our biggest fans—Berkeley residents—by just doing what you do: Exist.Image Source: Julie Himes, Daily Cal



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