Look, we don’t want to get into that game from last year. It hurt too much. But, for those of you new to Cal football…When the Bears opened against the Vols in 2006, it was an unmitigated disaster. The Tennessee guys ripped us to the tune of a 35 point lead through the third quarter. Many Cal students had dreams of a championship. After that game? Ummm, not so much.So after an unbearable break from the great American sport, we face the same very orange team on opening day. Thankfully, this shot at sweet redemption is at home. Here’s what to look for.

  • The Clog sobbing uncontrollably if DeSean Jackson gets injured. 
  • No damned parking. Anywhere.
  • The Bears owning, thanks to a key difference from last year’s debacle. The underrated change is simply that we won’t have to face the brain-cramping onslaught of neon orange. This is by far the most important aspect of home field advantage against these Vols. The sight of a puke-inducing, sea of highlighter fluid-colored shirts is enough to make even the best teams screw up. It’s unfair. You’re trying to win a football game, and your brain thinks you’ve been transported to the 1970s from hell. The NCAA should make this tactic illegal.
  • Look, we don’t know about Longshore. He was inconsistent last year, and often faltered when it mattered most. But ESPN.com tells us that the pirate-named dude has improved massively. According to them, he’s an elite college quarterback. ESPN can never be wrong, so look for Nato to put up 300 yards.

The finally analysis is this: The Bears have the best player (The blur of light known as DeSean) and the better team. Last year was brutal, but we shouldn’t expect a repeat. The Vols don’t have WRs and their QB is a gimp. The Clog boldly predicts a glorious trouncing.Prediction: Bears 34, Vols 14.



Comments:
Avinash said:
Aug 31, 2007 at 4:05 pm

Is this even analysis? What is this? A is A?