Not content with Michael Moore and Barry Sanders, people representing the greedy state of Michigan (or rather the University of Michigan, but whatever) are trying to steal our man. That’s right. Those damned Mitten-Staters are clamoring for Tedford.One dastardly Michigan lover sent out a lengthy plea “in which he refers to Teddy as an ‘Ass-Kicking Savior”. Nerve-rackingly enough, the post got mentioned in Dan Shanoff’s super sports blog.Here’s our response to this foolishness:Dear Michigan,We understand that the past couple weeks have been, ahem, trying for you. You guys have suffered some really tough losses recently. We feel for ya. Really, we do.But that gives you no right. Not this early in the season, dammit. As your evil blog boy pointed out, Cal football had an extended period of suck. Did we start bitching and moaning for another coach after the second game? Well, actually, it’s hard to remember that far back because we’re currently distracted. “Watching the YouTube clip of the Appalachian State field goal block” can certainly divert one’s attention. But we probably didn’t pull a knee-jerk coach poach. And we’re damned sure that you shouldn’t.Besides, it’s most likely a lost cause. Ted’s happy here. He’s doesn’t have to do things like living inside an eviscerated caribou as a means of surviving February (that’s a common thing up there, right?). Life is good for our ass-kicking savior. We’re sure he enjoys the California weather. We’re confident he likes the cosmopolitan Bay Area scene. And yes, he probably loves losing to Pete “Gap catalogue model” Carroll every year. Oh wait. Never mind, scratch that last one.Anyway, Ted wants no part of your program or your region. In the unlikely event that he does depart for the icier pastures of Canada, Jr., it will only be indicative of early onset senility. Under those circumstances, the man shouldn’t be coaching or operating heavy machinery for that matter.Oh, and “according to Wikipedia,” (Or science—one of the two at least), a wolverine is a member of the weasel family. How fitting. And read this excerpt:bq. There is at least one published account of a 27-pound wolverine’s attempt to steal a kill from a much larger predator—namely, a black bear (adult males weighing 400 to 500 pounds). Unfortunately for the mustelid, the bear won what was ultimately a fatal contest, crushing the wolverine’s skull.That’s right, you contemptible, mustelids. Don’t think we won’t come up there and deliver a metaphorical skull crushing to your team. Yes, the game isn’t scheduled. But in a world where Appalachian State can beat a top 5 squad, crazy things are possible. Oh, what team did they best again? Eh, it’ll come to us. We can just watch that clip again. For now, hands off our man!Love,CalImage Source: Daily Cal



Comments:
Diego Dangierre said:
Sep 12, 2007 at 10:12 am

Our mascot isn’t a black bear ya know. A golden bear wouldn’t even have to crush a wolverine’s skull. It would kill it with it’s formidable stare.



Fred said:
Sep 13, 2007 at 7:40 am

^or not



Tblake said:
Dec 4, 2007 at 9:16 pm

Your right! Michigan can’t match Cal’s pitiful 6 losses in 7 games. Scratch Tedford off Michigan’s coaching list.



xrumer twittermod said:
Mar 21, 2012 at 5:07 pm

I wan’t going to comment as this posts a bit old now, but just wanted to say thanks.



Melonie Biderman said:
Mar 22, 2012 at 7:04 pm

Hi!
I’m extremely fascinatedby your great site Will definitely return to your blog again.
God bless yahoo for pointing me here.