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Top Ten: Your Metaphorical Security Blanket

Posted By Christine Borden On Sep 27, 2007 @ 12:00 am In The Specials | Comments Disabled

With the crime that recently worried students [1] and sent the LJ Community into a bigger frenzy than an earthquake might, we decided it was time to take matters into our own hands. We know you’re too proud to use BearWALK [2], so we came up with the top ten suggestions for ensuring your personal safety.

Note: You should know by now to not take us so seriously.

10. Fire arms. No, literally: Set your arms ablaze and brandish boldly.
9. Grab Harry Potter’s Invisibility Cloak. Or, better yet, get over the series and just chuck your fat tome at any attacker. Also, the epilogue sucked. There, we said it.
8. Carry around your hookah ’cause, hey, everyone likes the guy with the hookah.
7. Call the ASUC to do something about it.
6. Tote your own taser [3].
5. Join Student Action–get it DONE [4].
4. Put your trust in the university. Student No. 16273637, we have your utmost security in mind.
3. Live in Oakland.
2. Let the university believe it needs to protect you from raging football fans. Carry around a ten-foot fence [5] wherever you go.
1. Pass out flyers. Watch your supposed assailant whip out an iPod, a cell phone and sunglasses in one second flat.

Earlier: UCPD E-mails Students About Recent Crime [1]

Article printed from The Daily Clog: http://clog.dailycal.org

URL to article: http://clog.dailycal.org/2007/09/27/top-ten-your-metaphorical-security-blanket/

URLs in this post:

[1] crime that recently worried students: http://clog.dailycal.org/2007/09/16/ucpd-e-mails-students-about-recent-crime

[2] too proud to use BearWALK: http://www.dailycal.org/sharticle.php?id=26071

[3] taser: http://clog.dailycal.org/2007/09/18/dont-tase-me-bro-the-man-cracks-down-on-intellectual-violence

[4] DONE: http://clog.dailycal.org/2007/03/15/student-action-flyers-everywhere-first-done

[5] ten-foot fence: http://clog.dailycal.org/2007/08/29/walk-like-trees-talk-like-people/

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