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This crawl was brought to you by Clogger Dena Fehrenbacher’s kind heart. We would have crawled all four of the Dining Commons, but unfortunately, Dena’s kind heart does not have that many meal points–and our intestines can only handle so much schnitzel-induced gas. Thus, we stuck to stuffing ourselves at Crossroad’s diverse culinary bars–and bringing you the results.
It’s 6 p.m. at Crossroads Dining Commons, and it’s German Food Thursday! The Clog finds a table, then the three of us split up to pick up as much food as we can find. Will it be an adventure of epic proportions, as it was for the Oakland Tribune?
Patrici busts out her camera as soon as we sit down to eat. A few seconds later, the DC police bust out the attitude.
bq. Crossroads Lady: You can’t take pictures in here. If you wanna take pictures, go talk to marketing.
We pick up our fully loaded trays in order to search far and wide for this mysterious Marketing character, but eventually decide that the Crossroads Lady was just kidding. We later settle in a dark, isolated corner where we can resume our gluttony in secret.
First stop, the salad. Cal Dining prides itself on its commitment to organic sustainability and such, so it’s only natural for the fresh options at the salad bar to be Crossroads’ shining star. The only flaw Christine finds is a brownish piece of red lettuce, but the dressing is delish.
Next up is the night’s soup, which is called “vegetable fandango.”
bq. Dena Fehrenbacher: Someone should make a joke about the movie ticket Web site!
Patrici Flores: Fandango reminds me of tango. Does it dance in your mouth?
Christine Borden: No, but the oil and spices dance on top.
PF: Want some, Dena?
DF: Dena says no.
CB: Dena says Dena says no.
Soup & Salad Bar: 8.5 out of 10
–
After the basics are done with, we rip up a deformed mushroom pizza, whose cheese insists on disintegrating onto our laps. The crust is the best part. Then it’s stuff from the Grill–sauerkraut and some other pickled toppings on an apple sausage in a bun. We have a sloppy joe, too.
bq. CB: (gags and spits hot dog out)
DF: How about the sloppy joe?
CB: Not enough slop.
PF: The slop is too sweet.
Pizza: 7 out of 10; The Grill: 3 out of 10
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Ohhh yeah, the Blue Plate Special! We are quite excited about this one, as it has a cool name: “Jaeger schnizel,” (sic) which reminds us of liquor and Patrici’s high school art teacher. For vegans, the Blue Plate consists of mock schnitzel, red braised cabbage and buttered egg noodles.
bq. DF: Dena likes the red cabbage.
CB: The buttered noodles are indeed noodles with butter. Nothing special about the other non-red cabbage. And the Jagerschnitzel needs something.
PF: Butter?
bq. Later…
bq. PF: Alright, so if you guys aren’t going to eat the meat, I will.
DF: That’s not meat. That’s the vegan Jagerschnitzel.
PF: Oh.
Blue Plate Special/Vegan: 5 out of 10
(1 point off for having vegan meat that looks better than the actual meat.)
–
The Asian selection tonight includes some sort of chicken and tomato pepper dish with white rice, along with your standard noodle bar fare.
bq. DF: My question is, should chicken be this juicy?
CB: The noodles are blah.
Fire and Ice: 5 out of 10
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Dena sets out the plate of hummus and pita from the Deli Bar for some snacking. Before moving onto the sandwich, however, Patrici sets out a disclaimer: She is not an expert sandwich maker.
bq. CB: The hummus is a’ight.
DF: The pita is obviously out of the bag.
CB: In the co-ops we MAKE our own bread. Let’s try the sandwich.
PF: But I don’t like cheese!
CB & DF: But you made the sandwich.
CB: OK, I’ll try it. The tomatoes overpower the meat and cheese. I give it a 6.
PF: Would you have given it a better score if I didn’t make the sandwich?
CB: Probably.
Deli Bar: 6 out of 10
–
As the full stomach starts to set in, we trudge on toward the mashed potatoes with an infinite number of toppings–olives, cheese, bacon, you name it.
bq. CB: Tastes like boxed. Not that we’re supposed to expect more from a dining hall, but in terms of all the food here, you can do better making all this food at home–or by going out.
Say “word,” son. Mmm, bacon bits.
South of the Border: 8 out of 10
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Then–FINALLY–the desserts. Apple crisps, fudge bars, pecan ice cream and a slice of black forest cake. Another chocolate cake with melted chocolate in the center looks like a winner. But is it?
bq. DF: It’s hard!
CB: That’s what she said.
PF: Man, I don’t like how all these desserts are cold and frozen. My hopes just died.
CB: The black forest cake–raspberry filling not good, cream on top oh my God.
bq. (Dena fetches a massive swirl of ice cream)
bq. Diners: WHOAAAA!
Desserts: 7 out of 10
We should note that Christine is the only one getting her caffeine fix throughout the whole meal–a French vanilla cappuccino. Two cups! Obviously, it’s more delicious than everything else at Crossroads combined.
Cappuccino machine: 9 out of 10
By the end, our table is a mess from reaching across the table and spilling food along the way. Most of the leftovers get thrown in the compost bin; others sneak away in napkins.
Christine nicely sums up the overall experience at the end of our food tour when she says–carrying a tray full of stacked dishes and mutilated food–”I feel like a heifer.”
We can only imagine how the dorming population feels.
Image Source: Patrici Flores
Earlier: Oakland Tribune Writer Visits the DCs … From Him, You’d Think It Was Disneyland
Earlier: Crawling Berkeley: The Feat to Find Fine Books
Comments:
Nov 17, 2007 at 3:13 pm
Dena! Great picture.
Oct 22, 2007 at 11:13 pm
The Sloppy Joe was always a dubious culinary venture for me.
The food sounds kinda lame, but then I remember eating only peanut butter sandwiches and water for like six weeks. It was like being a hermit in the desert sans canonization or enlightenment.