After discovering the latest omen of the world’s coming demise, the Clog encourages Berkeley students to put down their books and enjoy their short-lived time on Earth.
It doesn’t look like the battle between beast and brother will end anytime soon. This week’s special is a review of three separate incidents, the latest in an increasingly bizarre pseudo-conflict between humans and their furry fellows.
Here they are, presented in chronological order, for your consideration.
Monday, March 9
Reports come in of chimpanzee in Sweden who, tired of the flocks of annoying gawkers he saw staring at him every morning, stockpiled pebble ammunition at night to use the next morning—when you can’t speak English, throwing rocks is more than enough to let people know “dudes, stop looking.” Known as Santino, scientists hailed his achievement as evidence that humans aren’t the only animals who plan ahead of time.
Wednesday, March 11
In a manner eerily reminiscent of the Hundredth Monkey Effect, another simian called Brother Kwan decides his owner won’t be making a monkey out of him any longer. Forced to climb up coconut trees and harvest the fruity, tasty goodness for his owner’s profit, Kwan chucked a nut at the man, killing him.
Kwan’s owner apparently refused to let him get rest breaks and would beat him if he didn’t climb. It’s like we’ve been saying all along—any workday that lasts more than eight hours is just not right, especially if you’re not getting paid overtime. Which clearly the Brother was not.
Thursday, March 12
Crossing all sorts of geographical and biological boundaries, an incident in which a horse bites an Indonesian man’s testicle off is made public. A good samaritan who noticed the missing part said, “luckily the horse did not chew up or swallow his testicle, but spit it onto the pavement.” Yeah … luckily …
Have any other stories about the Manimal Wars? Let us know!
Image Source: smaedli under Creative Commons
Chimp who threw stones at zoo visitors showed human trait, says scientist [guardian.co.uk] via Pharyngula
Monkey ‘kills cruel owner with coconut thrown from tree’ [Telegraph]
They are out to get us [Pharyngula]
Earlier: Manimal Wars Continue Down Undah