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“How to Have Fun and Not Die” should really be required reading for every incoming Freshman at Berkeley. Forget “The Omnivore’s Dilemma:” most of us are vegetarian anyway, and if we’re not we probably have some eloquently rehearsed spiel involving the words “natural” and “protein deficiency.” I mean, really, doesn’t the title just about sum up the goal of nearly every weekend in Berkeley?
Dedicated to spreading the word (and we mean really dedicated, the man has given a lecture almost every other day since May), Eddie Einbinder came to Berkeley Tuesday to give us the talk that D.A.R.E. never dared to:
- He begins by explaining his beverage of choice: “excuse the fact that I’m drinking a beer up here, I lost my water.” Fun fact: you can live longer drinking only beer than only water. So if the earthquake hits, run for the frats.
- He assures us that a “empirical research” was involved in the making of this book. So obviously he’s trustworthy.
- “Most kids get their information about drugs from their drug dealers, their friends in the cafeteria and some sketchy people on the internet. Why is their no reliable source of drug information out there?” Amen.
- Prescription drugs have officially replaced weed as drug of choice amongst college kids. Hard to tell in Berkeley: half the school’s high and the other half’s popping their little brother’s Adderall in the main stacks.
- Speaking of, stop snorting Adderall guys, snorting’s not natural. You’ve been eating things and inhaling forever, but mommy never asked you to snort your Vitamin tablets.
- The most dangerous combination of drugs? Ecstasy and Viagra. “Don’t mix two substances that both encourage and enable you to use your d*ck for four hours … you laugh but there’s a story that ends with gangrene.”
- Apparently there’s a small and curious group of people who prefer acid eye drops to the standard tabs. Right, like you don’t already see enough.
- “No one ever tried a cigarette and was like, I’m high, this is awesome, I want to do this immediately again. People get addicted to smoking for bullsh*t reasons.”
- As a general rule when doing drugs: “Don’t do sh*t that you wouldn’t do if you were unconscious.”
- He once got pulled over in Pennsylvania for “drunk walking,” and had his licence revoked for 90 days.
- “Here’s the bottom line: any drug information’s really worth sh*t because everyone’s chemical makeup is different. Really all of this should suggest how sketchy all of this really is.”
Someone raises their hand and asks, “What makes you qualified to write this book? Like, it just seems like you haven’t really done that many drugs. Why do you care this much?” Which of course leads him to defensively log every year of his life and the corresponding drug that went along with it.
We heard mutterings of “I could have given that lecture,” and “he didn’t tell us about the fun combinations” on our way out.
Image Source: funkandjazz under Creative Commons
How to Have Fun and Not Die [Site]
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