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Did you know that if you try to say “beer can” in a pseudo-British accent, you’re also simultaneously attempting to say “bacon” in a pseudo-Jamaican accent?
Okay, that has absolutely nothing to do with the topic, but hey, we mentioned “bacon”, which is the star of this rather interesting bit of news that fast-food chain restaurant Jack In the Box has released to the public. We, the American population that is currently battling the debilitating effects of obesity and other sorts of lovely cardiovascular diseases, are now handed the limited offer of trying bacon milkshakes.
Vegans and vegetarians alike are already retching. The gagging sounds are echoing especially in the Berkeley community, where it’s almost an unforgivable sin to not know what a vegan is or eat cinnamon rolls that aren’t from Cinnaholic.
No, but really, we don’t think that you need to be vegan or vegetarian in order to be giving the computer screen a sideways look of mild disgust. Yes, yes, we get that bacon is revered by all you carnivores, that there are even bacon aficionados who somehow manage to come up with 20+ original ways to enjoy bacon. Apparently bacon milkshakes aren’t exactly brand-new either. Bacon is delicious, we have established that.
However, the Clog is giving a look of we-don’t-know-what-to-make-of-this rather than a look of rapturous delight.
This bacon milkshake is a monstrosity, in our humble opinion. For one, let’s not forget that Jack in the Box is a fast-food chain restaurant and can’t exactly place high-quality bacon in every single shake. As a matter of fact, it doesn’t even use real bacon. Yeah, it’s swapping your dripping, sizzling strips of bacon for bacon syrup. If you have to try a bacon milkshake, go for a legit one, not this half-assed thing. We think Jack in the Box believes it’s doing the vegan/vegetarian communities a favor by letting them discover this “fantaaaastic” loophole in their diets.
“No, it’s okay. You’re not really eating Porky. Only something that tastes like him. So come on over, pay your money for our calorie-loaded drink and enjoy the benefits of meat while not really infringing upon your sacred principles.” We would have included that Jack in the Box probably would have tried to recognize that some vegans and vegetarians are living their lifestyles for health reasons, but considering the utter lack of nutritional benefits in this gross concoction, it would have realized how pointless that would have been.
The shake includes an uninspiring mix of vanilla ice cream, bacon syrup, whipped cream topping, and a deflated, usually semi-bleeding maraschino cherry. Sounds damn irresistible.
We’re not going to lie that the mere novelty of this milkshake is probably enough to make plenty of people race to the counters. Perhaps the thing might actually even taste good (come on, it has sugar and ice cream in it, how could it go wrong?). However, the Clog is just overwhelmed with the implication of this milkshake’s existence: encouragement for people to indulge in more fattening, unhealthy items when some of us already have over 50% of our asses hanging over either side of our chairs. Business or not, no thanks, we’ll pass.
Thank goodness that it’s for a limited amount of time only (and that there aren’t really many fast-food chain restaurants in Berkeley, for starters).
Image source: selva under Creative Commons
Jack in the Box offers bacon milkshake [gantdaily.com]
Tags:bacon, fast food, jack in the box, meat, milkshake
Comments (6)
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Comments:
Feb 12, 2012 at 11:24 pm
To DuBious:
Hmm, good point there. We’ll make sure to be more clear when placing our opinions forward. Thanks, we appreciate the feedback!
Mar 22, 2012 at 6:51 pm
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Mar 22, 2012 at 7:50 pm
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Apr 7, 2012 at 12:25 pm
makes my better writers so much better…
than the rest?i am coming to the surprising conclusion that it isn’t much. but it was enough to make that discernible difference and enough to differentiate their stories from publishable to non-publishable.the very top story comes from my gifted & ta…
Feb 11, 2012 at 10:04 am
First you say that it’s ‘it’s almost an unforgivable sin to not know what a vegan is,’ and then you suggest that the meatless MILKSHAKE is an appeasement to vegan communities, indicating an unclear personal definition of a vegan. C’mon, guys. I’m not vegan, but you look kind of silly here.