PARTYWe’ve all been there. It’s Friday (or Thursday, or Saturday or Sunday) night, and the sun has retired beyond the horizon. Dinner is over, and you’re standing at the threshold of another weekend evening in Berkeley. Do you go out? Do you stay in? There are a lot of potential activities that could determine the trajectory of your night’s path. However, these potential activities all depend on how much residual energy you have from another taxing week at Cal. Lucky for you, we’ve made a handy dandy party scale that you should all pin on your walls and refer to every weekend until the end of time.

Level 1: Sleep (and/or refresh Facebook and Tumblr for a few hours)

Sometimes it happens. Maybe it was a long week, filled with midterms and expert bullshitting tactics. It’s not something we can control. It’s always a good thing to fall asleep at 10 p.m. and to slip into a small coma for 12+ hours. Even if that means passing out in your jeans.

Level 2: Get some take out and watch T.V.

For those nights when you’re not on the verge of death but you’re also not super stoked about leaving your house. You’re already in your pajamas and in bed. Time to have a fat party. Call in some Thai food, crack open a gallon of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream and put on some restorative television (“30 Rock” is a great fit).

Level 3: Drink wine and watch some movies

If you manage to find a group of friends who are all more or less simmering at level 2, you can make your “fat party” a collaborative effort. Cook some dinner, wreak havoc on a couple bottles of wine and pop some popcorn. The best kinds of movies that fit well into a night like this are either grisly and senseless horror movies or incredibly mushy and uplifting romantic comedies. It’s kind of a weird contrast, we know.

Level 4: Go grab a drink and catch up/ get your flirt on

So maybe the thought of putting your pants on again isn’t the worst idea ever, in which case you should go out. Keep it low-key. Catch up with a friend at a local bar, hit on some strangers, get some numbers, the usual drill. The best part about nights like this is that going home early won’t leave you super bummed out, but if something happens and you feel inspired, you’re already out and ready to go.

Level 5: Crash a house party or fraternity party

Feeling a little adventurous? Find a friend who knows of a house party or a fraternity party and get your drink on. Schmooze it up with some cool people, make small talk about your major, drink cheap beer. You never know what you might encounter. Some of the more Berkeley-esque parties might even have live music or slam poetry.

Level 6: Enlist a group of friends for some Berkeley bar hopping

This is the same as level 3, but this time we’re taking it to the streets. Traverse all the local bars in Berkeley. If you feel like staying near Telegraph, you can start out at Raleigh’s Blake’s Pappy’s and wind down at Kip’s or Late Night (like everyone else). Also check out Freehouse, the new bar on College and Bancroft!

Level 7: Go on an excursion to Oakland

Go on an adventure! Try new things! Find new bars! Oakland is apparently the place to be lately, with new bars, restaurants, etc. popping up almost every week. Immerse yourself in some culture, make some new friends and then make some babies memories.

Level 8: Get dressed up and hit up a sorority invite (or dance club)

Now, we realize that you all aren’t involved in or associated with a sorority, but we’re sure you understand the caliber that a sorority invite entails. You better be ready to get dressed up and get your ass low. Forget boys, and just dance, right? Then, when you’re good and drunk, eat everything (refer to the Late Night comment in level 6).

Level 9: Commit to a night of drunken debauchery

Make a night of it and go out to San Francisco. There are like, a million things to do. Check out some bars or grab some eats. Scarf down some devilish deep-dish delights at Patxi’s Chicago Pizza in Hayes Valley (it’s definitely a Zachary’s contender), dance the night away in the Castro, or grab some delicious food and get your shop on. On Thursday nights are 18+ at “The Crib,” which is a good place to get down and dance dirty. And if things start to get crazy, you can always forego the last BART train and take a bus or a taxi home.

Level 10: Balls to the wall (play the 1 a.m. or 4 a.m. game)

It’s time to really pull out all the stops. Go to Oakland, go to San Francisco, or do both. Notice that it’s almost time to catch the last BART and then forget about it. Elect not to take a bus or a taxi home. Find someone hot to go home with, or wait until BART runs again at 4 a.m. The true way to measure the success rate of a level 10 evening is whether or not you have to take a walk of shame (which doesn’t have to involve sex, just wearing your nighttime outfit in broad daylight). And we’re hoping you do. We’re in college, let’s act like it until we’re not allowed to anymore.

Image source: thinkpanama under Creative Commons



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