yoda

At Tuesday night’s City Council meeting the Clog for the first time set eyes on the Berkeley Council members. We are here to provide a guide, based on an intense, six-hour behavioral analysis from Tuesday evening’s circus, to your Council members and their positions on the sit-lie measure.

Even though we’ve referred to the BCC as the Jedi High Council, the BCC is neither high nor Jedi, although the former remains questionable. The only similarities they bear are that both are councils with buzzing light-sabers. And by buzzing light-sabers we’re referring to the iPhone app. The council members do, however, resemble others. Here’s our take in a three part series:

Mayor Tom Bates = Tywin Lannister

Maaaster Bates

Maaaster Bates commences death stare practice

Silence! Bring me my goblet of wine!

Silence! Bring me my goblet of wine!

Mayor Bates has been accused of being a “fascist” and a Darth Vader-identity stealer. Logically speaking, he must therefore be a fascist Darth Vader. The Clog, however, would beg to differ. Mr. Bates’ breathing is in fact, not audible.

But much like Tywin Lannister, the stone-cold leader of Casterly Rock, Bates has a death stare  to kill and a penchant for his subjects’ silence. Rather than take an axe to the head of his constituents though, he bangs his gavel and loudly states “Thank you, thank you” over and over again. We wonder how long it will take for Bates to realize that thanking people is not going to get them to sit down. Attempts to quiet his fellow council members and cut off their speeches have also been met with angry outbursts and apple juice consumption.

In a press release from June 12, the Mayor stated that “I have put [sit-lie] forward out of deep concern for our community and for the homeless population”. Genuine concern, or political maneuver?

And in a show of compromise, he stated “If ordinances are what is needed to get people into services, then that is where we have to go, but we will not enforce for six months to give us time to work with stakeholders to develop a humane and effective program.” Well the stakeholders here are the homeless population, and believe us when we say that six months is not nearly enough time to strike a compromise with them over sit-lie. Make that six years. Oh wait, scratch that actually. Make that never.

His position: Pro sit-lie

Likelihood of changing his mind: Extremely little. Unless you have the Force, and this time, we’re not referring to any sort of phone app.

What he wants: For this measure to pass. And for a gavel that upon banging, will actually silence his opponents.

Kriss Worthington, District 7 = Princess Dianna

Let my people speak!

Let my people speak!

No caption necessary

Get a better tie, Kriss

Worthington truly is the “People’s Princess” — he loves them and they adore him, often screaming their support for him and his stances. Unlike Princess Di though, Worthington has a terrible sense of fashion and isn’t nearly as elegant or graceful or — wait, why are we drawing this comparison again? Because Kriss is really a people’s man, but a little bit of a diva as well.

Hence, Princess Worthington.

After the meeting, the Princess said, “That is an obscene joke to say that threatening to arrest people is actually going to get them into services.” We don’t know if you’ve noticed Worthington, but no one is joking here and most certainly no one is laughing. Except at your ties, of course.

His position: Firmly against sit-lie. As in, firmly, I-am-ready-to-throw-a-punch-at-you-Bates, against sit-lie

Likelihood of changing his mind: Absolutely none

What he wants: A tiara, a new tie and to see this measure voted down in November

Darryl Moore, District 2 = the Walrus

We couldn't get a picture of Darryl Moore. This is close enough.

We couldn't get a picture of Darryl Moore. This is close enough.

We can’t help ourselves. Darryl Moore is just such a peaceful-looking bearded old man that we automatically think of a great, big friendly walrus. Moore didn’t have much to say on Tuesday night, piping up maybe twice the entire meeting only to give a few comments on the West Berkeley project.

When it comes to sit-lie, we know that Moore voted for the measure to be placed on the ballot, but beyond that he sort of just sat there with his flippers on his belly (not literally, but that’s how we imagine him) the entire night. He has little to say on his website as well — the last time a “Moore News” was released was all the way back in March.

His position: For sit-lie, for now

Likelihood of changing his mind: Hard to tell. His silence through the night made it difficult to discern why his position was the way it was and how easily he can be swayed. The beard, hiding most of lower face, certainly didn’t help.

What he wants: Who knows what walruses want in life? Sun and sleep?

Image source: (from the top)

1. Andres Rueda under Creative Commons

2. Lynn Yu, Daily Cal

3. HBO, Courtesy

4. Lynn Yu, Daily Cal

5. sghosh30 under Creative Commons

6. Polar Cruises under Creative Commons



Comments:
Awesomeness at The Daily Clog « Caviar Communi$m said:
Jun 14, 2012 at 4:40 pm

[...] Yu has a well defined funny bone and has a new fan in me after I read her posts about the Berkeley City Council and the Sit/Lie Ordinance [...]



Berkeley Citizen said:
Jun 15, 2012 at 11:32 am

Please don’t stop! You are an astute observer and an excellent writer! I see a great career ahead for you. I hope to see you profile the rest of the council soon. More, more!



cruise to nowhere said:
Sep 3, 2012 at 2:55 am

Yoda has to be one of the greatest movie characters of all time. The guy that invented him is a small genius.