darth vader

A continuation of our “behavioral analysis” of the circus that is the Berkeley City Council members and their positions on the sit-lie measure (we thought we’d throw in another Star Wars picture, because who doesn’t like those?):

Susan Wengraf, District 6 = Snorlax

This is so interesting for me!

This is so interesting for me!

Snooreeelaxing

Snooreeelaxing

Spotted: District 6′s Councilwoman Wengraf falling asleep during the discussion of the sit-lie measure. Perhaps Susan was just tired and about ready to pass out after 6 hours of debate, perhaps she had just started her period and really needed an Advil, or perhaps she was just bored out of her mind — whatever she was, putting your head on your arms when someone else is speaking is never a good showing.

Snorlax the Pokemon often sleeps and only wakes up to eat or throw punches. Wengraf is the opposite — sleeping in and of itself makes her statement for her, as well as much eye-rolling and exasperated throw-my-arms-to-the-ceiling action. Further, during the sit-lie public comments section, both Wengraf and Councilman Jesse Arreguin disappeared mysteriously for 30 minutes. Bow chicka wow wow? Or did someone just need a long bathroom break?

Whatever it was, Wengraf came back exhausted and ready to go home. We hope that either her stamina or caffeine intake improves by next meeting, because no one likes a Snorlax — they just take up space.

Wengraf was quoted by the San Francisco Chronicle as saying, “It’s a horrible problem because there’s no clear solution … I feel tremendous compassion for the homeless, but we need to protect the sidewalks for everyone’s use, not just theirs.”

And by everyone, are you referring mainly to yourself?

Her position: Pro sit-lie

Likelihood of changing her mind: Little. Especially after Tuesday night’s showing, which she deemed “very ugly”, Wengraf is unlikely to be convinced by a crowd she called “disrespectful and angry”. Try talking to her again, she might fall asleep on you.

What she wants: For “merchants and shoppers to feel safe and not be harassed, particularly downtown and on Telegraph Avenue.” Perhaps a nice mattress would accompany that.

Max Anderson, District 3 = Big Mike from “Chuck”

And this, dear readers, is the apple juice consuming man we keep talking about

I'MMA GAVEL YOU

Big Mike

DITTO ABOVE

Max Anderon is another hero of the people, much like the most popular Princess Worthington. Anderson however, brings a lot more swag to the table; while Worthington attempts to keep a relatively polite cap on his comments when attacking Bates, Anderson can just blow up. And when he blows up, he really goes for it.

He has both threatened Bates that he would “gavel you into silence” and for Bates not to treat him “like one of your little punks.” Ooh gavel duels, just what we’d like to see at the next City Council meeting! We would put our money on the underdog, but Bates has had years of experience at gavel banging — we’re not so sure if Anderson’s gavel skills would be any better than the abilities of the mistreated Bates Punks.

Anderson was quoted in Berkeleyside as saying, “This ordinance, if we put it on the ballot, is an effort to contract civil and basic human rights and constitutional rights. It is so completely out of character with this city’s history and what most people in this city believe in. It is so completely out of character with this city’s history and what most people in this city believe in.”

Just like Big Mike who cares for his employees, Max Anderson really cares for his people. We have no idea what his eating habits are like, but while watching him on Tuesday night, the Clog began to play “Let’s guess what our Council members are thinking” and for Anderson, who looked extremely hungry (for food or for power?), we came up with “Hmm, I could really use a Subway sandwich right now. Preferably a meatball marinara.”

Let us also note for the record that Bates’ is excellent at tirade endings. Upon completing a very … thorough speech, he took his bottle of apple juice and gulped down everything remaining. There you have it folks — rant + juice consumption = BADASS.

His position: Anti sit-lie

Likelihood of changing his mind: Absolutely none. Princess Worthington and the Big Man are united in this effort.

What he wants: Constitutional and civil rights! As well as a Subway and a Capri Sun.

Laurie Capitelli, District 5 = Wannabe Charles Xavier

Held this position ALL NIGHT LONG

Held this position ALL NIGHT LONG

Capitelli is not nearly as good-looking as this guy. Hence, "wannabe"

Capitelli is not nearly as good-looking as this guy. Hence, "wannabe"

The above image you see of Capitelli is the position he held the entire night. Seriously, we wouldn’t be surprised if someone told us that Laurie Capitelli once took a class in “How to Be a Statue” (we’re sure he received an A+), because he’s impossibly good at it.

Oftentimes it was two fingers to the temple, one finger over the mouth, lean to the right and stare straight ahead. Perhaps Capitelli is hoping that if he holds the position long enough, he’ll develop psychic powers and be able to read the minds of the commenters. Although based on the pretentious scoffing, sighing and “better than thou” attitude he was exhibiting during the sit-lie discussion, it seems that he has no interest in learning the thoughts of people like Pink Cloud or Chief Sitting Bear.

Charles Xavier though, is quite the womanizer and Capitelli did spend quite a few hours practicing the “two fingers to the temple” pick-up move on Tuesday night. Sorry Capitelli, but Wengraf and fellow Councilwoman Linda Maio were quite unimpressed (see above: Susan Wengraf = Snorlax).

Capitelli, albeit a statue, struck us as a pretty rational fellow. During the talks of the controversial West Berkeley project, he stated that “We clearly can’t come to a consensus” ( with “we” being the Council and the people). What an astute observation Laurie, you deserve good boy points for making one of the truest statements all night!

His position: For sit-lie

Likelihood of changing his mind: Little. Actually, we’re pretty sure that most all of the council members are very unlikely to change their minds. Unless you’re a walrus, in which case, it’s difficult to discern anything.

What he wants: Tele-kinesis

Image source: (from the top)

1. Photos o’ Randomness under Creative Commons

2. Lynn Yu, Daily Cal

3. A. Valdivia under Creative Commons

4. Lynn Yu, Daily Cal

5. NBC, Courtesy

6. Lynn Yu, Daily Cal

7. 20th Century Fox, Courtesy




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