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One thing they don’t tell us before we get here is not to step on the emblems. The nice, shiny gold ones on the west side of memorial glade. They tell us how to use resources, how to pick our classes and how to chant stuff that no one remembers — but they don’t tell us how not to fail out through a misplaced Irish jig.
It would be a useful thing to mention. Some people jog over it — that replaces one of their papers with a cut and pasted Wikipedia article about fingernails. Some people bike over it — their bike will then become depressed and require expensive counseling. And don’t even ask what happens if you roller blade over it. Fortunately for roller-bladers, it’s no longer the ’90s.
The idea behind whole thing is quite complicated. First, we consider that people usually walk on the ground, then we places things we don’t want people to walk over on the ground. This is why they are also putting Berkeley emblems in the middle of Bancroft Way that make your tires explode. City pride!
Operational Excellence actually allocated quite a bit of our budget to making sure more of these emblems are placed — and for good reason. We need to be alert at all times here at Berkeley, and what better way to do that than to put fail mines in your path? This is what separates the greats from the mediocre; the Berkeleys from the Stanfurds. Well, Stanfurd may have emblems on their paths, but students there have yet to exit their Deluxe Urban Money Boats (D.U.M.B.) to find out — so they’re useless.
We should go even further, though. We should pass measures that install emblems in desk seats and on blackboards that double class time if touched. We should build a gate that forces whoever walks through into a profound existential crisis. We should install a bench that gives us a craving for raw eggs and sauerkraut.
In any case, it’s enough to avoid the emblems on the ground out of respect, but extra superstitions about them quite obviously make sense at the greatest public university in the world.
Image source: Erik Swan, Daily Cal
Tags:emblem, fail, respect, Stanfurd, superstition, walking
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