Ever since the famed student activism in the mid-1960s, politics and Berkeley have been inextricably intertwined. When people think Berkeley, they think “liberals” – whether they say it with disgust or with pride depends on the tone in which you read this sentence. But like with any part of student life, there are extremes – from those who think that “Mitt Romney” is short for “Mitten” versus those who consider presidential debate parties to be actual “parties.” No matter which end of the political spectrum you’re on, all of us can take a step back and enjoy the unintentional comedy of the two men trying to be our president. If you’re still on the fence about who to vote for, maybe these out-of-context tidbits can clear things up for you.
We’ll start with the guy who – if the letters of his last name were rearranged – ironically sounds like a rapper with a purpose. Except he didn’t need to live on the streets or actually go by the moniker “R-Money” – he just made it big off a small business. Here’s the best of the guy who makes $10,000 bets, holds $50,000 dinners, and considers himself unemployed even though his net worth is $200 million:
“I like being able to fire people who provide services to me.” Though he’d say it 200 days before the now-infamous “binders full of women” sound bit, it’s quite clear what kind of services Mitt was talking about. Not 22 days beforehand, however, he busted out the “I think the best answer is as little as possible” gaffe. He was talking about what he wears at night, but we can probably assume one step further.
“I’ll introduce to you the heavyweight champion of my life.” He wasn’t talking about his Mexico-born dad, or Congressman Ryan either. He was speaking about his wife. Yes, that’s how he introduced his wife to factory workers in Ohio. There was probably no better way, since you know, Ann is rather obsessive about her weight and estimates herself to be a 117. Mitt quickly clarified that he wasn’t talking about weight, but a heavyweight champion without the weight category is … oh. He loves to complicate things doesn’t he.
Speaking of Mr. Ryan, he was given a rather grand welcome by the man who selected him. “Join me in welcoming the next president of the United States, Paul Ryan.” Yeah, We had to read through that twice to realize that he actually did say that. The average life expectancy of males in the United States is about 76 years old and the biological clock gives Mitt two full presidential terms and a couple extra years to spare before he kicks the bucket. So I guess giving his running mate the job he was going for was a bit premature.
We can’t talk too much about Mittens – we have to report the glorious words of the President, a man referred to affectionately as Obama’s Bin Laden by Bob Schieffer:
“Governor, we also have fewer horses and bayonets.” One of the zingers from the final, Obama-dominated presidential debate was actually spit back by the fact checkers. It’s estimated that the armed forces have about three times as many bayonets as they did in the early 1900s, even if it was meant to be more of a rhetorical statement than a point of accuracy.
“I’ve now been in 57 states — I think one left to go.” This may have been way back when Obama was going up against the tanking John McCain, but it’s surprising that it didn’t sink Obama as well. Sure, Puerto Rico has the option of vying for statehood every so often, but that’d only put us at 51. You’d think he’s pledged allegiance enough times to have counted all the stars on the flag, but it’s easy to mess up when you’re counting on your fingers. For all the talk about Bill Clinton’s arithmetic, Obama could use a lesson as well.
“When I was a kid, I inhaled frequently.” An oldie, but something that us Cal students can identify with. Maybe that’s why he eats waffles while being asked questions, and misreports casualty numbers in orders of 1000. Let him be clear though, he wants the American people to give him a second term.
Tuesday, Nov. 6 is the day you get to vote for the less stupid one of the two men. So go out and show your support – even though you’re going to be blue as a California resident.
Image source: Josh Crain under Creative Commons
Tags:1960s, Ann Romney, Bill Clinton, Bob Schieffer, John McCain, Mitt Romney, Osama Bin Laden, Paul Ryan, Puerto Rico, R-Money, United States
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