Among the tabs for CNN, NBC, the deplorably slow Google election results, and the FOX News you had open just for kicks, you may not have had time for social networking on election night. Who are you kidding – you probably popped open Tumblr for the continuing influx of memes or Twitter for Donald Trump’s call for a march on Washington. But the most interesting soiial network every time there’s a major news event is Facebook, because it’s people that you – hopefully – personally know talking about things about which they know little to nothing about. If your friends are anything like ours, they provided for plenty of unintentional comedy with their cute status updates that spammed the newsfeed.
For those of you who have yet to take American history in high school or have a general misinformed stance of how the leader of the free world works, he does it for four years at a time. Maybe that answers your question about why we didn’t have presidential elections for three whole years in a row!
I guess we’re liberal gamers too. But there’s something to be said for priorities – at least one of them has those in order. Mr. Blue does have a point though – it’s not like the election’s going to affect anything after those few hours, since our country is totally not involved in a crap-ton of wars involving people in a bunch of different nations. Oh, and since Paul Ryan lost, he’s not going to be relevant anymore… except in about exactly four years.
In an unsurprising flashback to the hippie age, a couple of states became the first ones to legalize marijuana for recreational use. And here we are stuck in California for all those phony people who need it medically. Keeping the death penalty probably makes up for all those deaths that marijuana supposedly causes anyway.
In the underrated news that was overshadowed by some guy winning a second term, we might have to make a new flag. Not anytime soon, mind you, since we have a Republican-controlled House that vomits every time the thought of change crosses their mind. But it would be kinda cool to have Obama field suggestions for a new flag from the public, a la Eisenhower circa 1960. A 17-year-old’s design has been flying over the Capitol for 50 years, so we’d all have a shot at having our names go down in history.
This rivals the Onion headline from four years ago when they reported that “Black Man Given Nation’s Worst Job” but it brings out the oddly remarkable fact that Romney’s religion never came out as a talking point. It also brings out the fact that Romney, upon losing the election, adds one person to the already 8 million unemployed list.
Who says politics are an eyesore?
So the Bane of Capitalism trumped the man of Bain Capital. This is actually inaccurate, considering that Herman Cain will likely not make an appearance in 2016. Speaking of which…
She, according to polls and the ineffable Nate Silver, is now the frontrunner for the life-after-Obama era, edging out fellow female candidates such as Hillary Clinton and Condoleezza Rice, and of course the inevitable Jeb Bush.
Tags:America, Bain Capital, California, Capitol, CNN, Condoleezza Rice, Donald Trump, Eisenhower, fox, Google, Herman Cain, Hillary Clinton, Jeb Bush, NBC, Obama, Paul Ryan, Romney, The Onion, Tumblr, Twitter, Washington
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