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The Dark Side of Professors

Posted By Uday Mehta On Dec 14, 2012 @ 10:19 am In Sandbox | Comments Disabled

Haven’t you ever sat in class and wondered what your professors are like when they’re out of the traditional classroom setting? Office hours and study sessions don’t count – we mean a situation when they aren’t trying to shove scattered bits of knowledge into your overly taxed brain. They may suit up and have the supernatural ability to speak in an endless monotone voice for 90 minutes by day, but what can they really do by night, when they’re not forced to be professional nor scholarly? We decided to do a case study on three of our favorite professors.

*Disclaimer: These comparisons are based purely in fiction – or so we hope – and no connections should be made between any of the characters besides the ones we list below for your amusement.

(1) Arnold vs Bond

Chemistry and secret infamous spy organizations – what could those possibly have in common? Only the three main characters of the entire franchise! Let’s start with the big guy – Professor Arnold! Which other characteristics – besides being British – would the good chap share with the super spy…? Well, his dulcet tones can be quite calming, and he does get a solid amount of cheers for the amazing stunts he pulls off on the set – er, in class. He is also prone to a dramatic entrance every now and then by standing on the revolving stage of Pimentel Hall, and jumping off rooftops and landing on both feet.

Of course, you can’t have Bond without the woman running the whole organization: M. Professor Stacy’s been teaching General Chemistry for the longest time, overseeing the whole operation from her recorded video messages – or as they’re called in code, lecture webcasts. She’s like the motherly figure who can always provide the terse comments that can fire up just about anyone. Besides, her national recognition for teaching is pretty much equivalent to the awards the governor may have given her for her leadership at MI6.


Professor Stacy vs. M & Professor Majda vs. Q

Holding the two sides together is the ineffable Q. The gadget brainiac is clearly the representation of Professor Majda. He sends out the helpful e-mails explaining some of the harder parts of the lecture – we’re sorry – missions that Bond sets out on. He heads the research and development department, which is apt, considering how he is currently conducting intense bioanalytical research here at Cal.

So though we may be as uncertain about their motions as well as their locations at times – Heisenberg joke, anyone? – we can put together alternate realities for those who teach by day and may very well be something, or someone else by night.

Image source: Uday Mehta, Daily Cal (top left); UC Berkeley (bottom left & bottom right-middle) under public domain; Sean Cameron (bottom left-middle) and acflynn (bottom right) under Creative Commons

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