Not that Daddy, you dirty minded freak. Your father. Papa. The old man.

Admittedly, he didn’t bear you through nine months of pregnancy, but (hopefully) he stuck around for that time period, despite the irritable ball of hormones which did bear you through nine months of pregnancy. And you know she wasn’t always the most pleasant person to be around.

Just remember to show your dad a bit of love today, not just getting him some generic department store crap. After all, he did somehow manage to put up with you. Hopefully. Unless he went to the store to get a pack of smokes . . . and never came back . . . on Christmas Eve . . . the bastard (sniffle).

Anyway, remember that this is the day to say thanks to Dad. Or Dads. Or Mom who used to be Dad (hey, it’s Berkeley).

Oh, and Dad? Can we borrow a couple of bucks?


We actually think that midterms suck in general, but when they’re in the beginning of June, when our brains were just finally getting nice and mushy after finals, well, that just feels like an especially poignant kick to the crotch. It’s painful. It’s rude. It can result in infertility (okay, not that last one).Somewhere between the horrors of moving and (hopefully) going out and doing some of those “summery” things that normal people (who don’t work for the Clog) get to do, you find yourself needing to read 220 pages of Freud and Adler and Rogers and everything else having to do with the theoretical basis for personality . . . but it’s so damn nice outside.

Possibly to keep the Session A folks from feeling too left out from the normal joys of sunshine and happiness, the Summer Sessions staff sent out an e-mail today reminding everyone that “the beginning of Session B (June 11 – August 17) (is) fast approaching.” Now the Session A people have someone else to commiserate with over the Main Stacks closing after 6 p.m.

Obviously, there are some nice things about Summer Sessions, like not needing to overload yourself with 20 units of astrophysics all through the rest of the year or being able to go study somewhere incredibly bad ass. For those of us who aren’t insane rocket-scientist-type majors and are staying in this summer-time ghost town, the main advantage is that it gives us something to do other than working low-stress jobs, playing Mario Kart, lounging in the sun, not getting up until two in the afternoon . . . wait a second, why in the name of fuck are we doing this?


Well, everything except the oak grove. That’s actually on stable ground (unlike most of Berkeley, go figure). We mean it’s on physically stable ground—which means that its future is on “shaky ground,” because there are no fault lines, so it . . . you know what? Nevermind. We’re just not up for wordplay this morning. Let’s try this again.

The future of the oak grove, which the university looks to replace with an athletic training center (resulting in the ultimate faceoff between jocks and hippies), partially depends on whether the grove lies on any active fault lines.

SF Chronicle reports:

State law prohibits new construction on earthquake faults. In October, the university released a Geomatrix report stating that most of the site was free of fault traces, but because of deep sediment on the site’s northeast corner engineers could not drill deep enough to reach a conclusion. In response, the U.S. Geological Survey and the California Geological Survey both said the study needed to be complete.

Turns out that, according to the follow-up study from the engineering firm Geomatrix, it’s not. The university is hoping that this will be sufficient evidence that the stadium’s construction isn’t a violation of the Alquist-Priolo Act, which prevents building on active fault lines.

Granted, this doesn’t mean that the future of the oak grove is at all certain. There’s still the lawsuits, which prevent the university from making physical alterations to the site until after said lawsuits are settled. However, for the protesters who have been sitting in those trees for about six months now, it probably would’ve been pretty nice to hear that they could finally come down.

Of course, some still see fault (no pun intended) with the university for its handling of the matter. In the rustic analogy which seems to be required of lawyers, Stephan Volker said:

(The university) has the cart before the horse. It approved the project without a completely adequate seismic review. The university needs to start over and do the process correctly.

The best advice we have? Get settled in. This conflict won’t be ending any time soon.

Report Finds No Fault Traces at Site of Proposed Athletic Center [Daily Cal]
Earthquake study finds Cal sports center site fault-free [SF Chronicle]


So it seems that we’ve been a bit behind with your local love needs. So sue us (please don’t). It’s not like we haven’t been horribly busy, and it’s not like we’re not keeping you up to date on the blogosphere’s interest in sexiness. We know it’s tough to search Craigslist for your own sexual encounters, so we’ve decided to come back from our accidental hiatus to (wait for it) . . . bring sexy back. Alright.

Let’s get the ball rolling nice and slow—such as a sweet, simple kiss. It’s cute, it’s idealistic and it’s something we’ve all wanted at some point, even if we’re stuck wondering if there’s some innuendo we’re missing. Either way, this isn’t the only time he’s gone looking for a quick peck. So here you go, kiddo: Muah!

In a lovely juxtaposition, this lazy boy seems to drop most of the romanticism from the not-terribly-romantic art of the casual encounter. He’s up for “something,” as long as it doesn’t actually involve too much effort on his part, like walking a few blocks. You’re breaking our heart here.

Granted, at least the lazy ones don’t make us think of used car salesmen. WRITING IN ALL CAPITALS WILL GET ATTENTION, UNDOUBTEDLY. IT’S LIKE YELLING AND BEING EXCITED AND HAVING FLASHING TEXT THAT SAYS, “BUY, BUY, BUY,” BUT IN TYPE. Yeah, not so much. And what the hell is he getting at with the post title, “HAVIN GOOD SEX AND SAVE.. FOR TODAY AND FOR THE WEEKEND”? If that doesn’t sound like Big Joe’s Used Autos, we don’t know what does.

And we know that the French are sexy (at least that’s the stereotype as we know it), but this is kind of ridiculous. We’re not going to jump your bones just because you have a killer hot accent which can make us fall hopelessly into lust in less than a sentence, wanting to rub you up and down and . . . wait, sorry, lost our train of thought. Damn French and their sexiness.

That being said, we have to go and umm . . . shower. Now go get laid.

Casual Encounters [Craigslist Personals]
Earlier: Casual Fridays: Anonymously Confessing Your Need to Just Be Loved/Laid


Just when we thought Facebook was getting too involved, Google, everyone’s favorite search engine that could, has decided to up the ante with its new “Street View” feature.

Is uber-stalkerishness a word?

You want something creepy, try looking up your house. Yes, see that? That’s your front door. And if you were outside at the wrong time, then yes, that would be you having a smoke on the porch.

When we zoomed out to a full sized map it showed that the stalker service currently only pertains to areas around New York City, Miami, Denver, Las Vegas and our own lovely city by the bay, San Francisco. According to Macworld, the feature will be expanding to more cities sometime soon. We appreciate it: If people in Ohio can look at our front door on the internet, we certainly expect the courtesy of being able to look at theirs. Although we’re not sure why we’d want to.

ZDNet picked up the scent after Google registered the domain name “googlestreetview.com” along with a number of variations. The general consensus of web buzz was that Google would be debuting some kind of new feature for the O’Reilly Where 2.0 Conference, with speakers and events about mapping and geospace (a.k.a. How Big Brother Will Be Watching You In 20 Years 101).

While the conveniences of this feature are fairly obvious (“No, Mom, I’m in the house with the red door. Just look it up online.”), we’ve got to say that it’s freaking us out quite a bit. Granted, it’s not like the maps are a live feed, but at some point we really have to ask what’s necessary and what’s just unnerving.

Google improves Map with street views, miniapps [Macworld]
Google Maps “Street View” to be launched at Where 2.0? [ZDNet]


While the rest of you awoke to the start of a glorious three day drinking bi—err, weekend, we here at the Clog were hard at work . . . kind of. Let it never be said that we aren’t willing to sacrifice ourselves for the sake of our readers, no matter how burnt the beans, no matter how thin the foam, we will overcome all obstacles to find the best of what Berkeley has to offer in the way of a solid latte. Well, except Gerald. He wasn’t around. So we made a puppet to take his place.So, with no further ado, let the coffee crawl begin.

First stop, Nefeli’s Caffe, the shining star of Northside, and what turns out to be some of the best coffee in town.

Ethan Strauss: Can you normally grind your own nutmeg? Because that’s pretty cool.
Christine Borden: Very good mix of cafe and latte. You don’t even need sugar.
ES: You can really taste the beaniness.
CB: The beaniness?
ES: The beaniness.
Gerald Nicdao:

Quality of coffee: 9 of 10
Overall quality: 8.5 of 10
Ethan’s rating of pretentiousness: 7 of 10

—-

Next we wandered down Hearst Avenue toward Berkeley Espresso. Despite the underwhelming coffee, we’ve gotta give some points out to anywhere that has free wi-fi. Their carrot cake’s pretty damn good too.

ES: The flavor is reminiscent of burnt taste buds.
Skyler Reid: It’s definitely a weak flavor . . . way too hot . . . yeah, burnt taste buds seems about right.
CB: Needs sugar. [Goes inside to get sugar. Adds one packet of sugar. Sips. Adds a second packet of sugar. Sips] The sugar didn’t work. It still tastes like burn.
GN:

Quality of coffee: 6 of 10
Overall quality: 8 of 10
Ethan’s rating of pretentiousness: 9 of 10

—-

People’s seems to be hidden in the occasionally staggering number of options near University and Shattuck avenues. Sadly, it’s not that big a loss.

SR: Feels a little bit quiet . . . and there’s a creepy old guy staring at you, Christine.
ES: I don’t really know about this flavor.
SR: You mean the flavor of overly roasted beans and bubbly foam?
CB: Wow. This tastes just like the smell of my weird video production teacher’s breath in high school . . . wait, that sounds wrong.
ES: Whatever the fuck that stuff is on the wall, it’s cool.
CB: That’s bamboo, Ethan. Hey, if you’re really lucky you might find that book for class that you never bought!
GN:

Quality of coffee: 5 of 10
Overall quality: 7 of 10
Ethan’s rating of pretentiousness: 8 of 10

—-

The Clog’s next stop in our pain-staking research was the Free Speech Movement Cafe. Low and behold, it’s closed for Memorial Day weekend. But that didn’t stop Ethan from monologuing in place of an actual review.

ES: So at FSM you get to stand in a line that’s twenty people long where you’ll run into a GSI from a class you took two semesters ago and have an awkward conversation about the class, which you don’t remember at all. Eventually you make it through the line of annoying, screeching students and are served by that one guy who everyone knows. You know, that one guy. The coffee is spectacularly alright-ish, but then you have to somehow find seating, which is simply impossible to do anywhere inside.
CB: Great place to smoke, though.
GN:

Quality of coffee: N/A
Overall quality: N/A
Ethan’s rating of pretentiousness: N/A

—-

A short walk across campus brought us to the normally packed Cafe Milano. Chalk it up to the effects of too much caffeine (we’re all drinking water by this point), but everything seemed a bit off, from the service to the taste of the latte.

SR: Tastes . . . sour? It’s like the milk is a bit off.
CB: It tastes a bit burnt. I’m reminded of Berkeley Espresso.
ES: The only way it could feel more pretentious would be if they built a chamber for foreign grad students to smoke in while listening to minimalist electronic music.
GN:

Quality of coffee: 5.5 of 10
Overall quality: 6.5 of 10
Ethan’s rating of pretentiousness: 11+ of 10

—-

In the last stop of the day, the heavily caffeinated Clog staff went all the way down to Beanery by College and Ashby avenues. While it is, admittedly, outside of the two block radius from campus that most students rarely break, we felt it important to see what was available in the outer ring of the Berkeley Bubble.

ES: Although the milkiness might be too much for some people, I think it’s nice. It makes it really smooth. Reminds me of the lattes my mom used to make.
SR: [Confused look]
ES: No, seriously. That’s not even a joke.
CB: I like it, but it’s kind of overshadowed by this peanut butter cup sundae drenched in hot fudge and peanuts.
ES: [Finishing last coffee] Mmmm, tastes like Gerald.
GN:


Stanford must have some really nice dorms.

Both The Chron and the Stanford Daily report that an 18-year-old female was living on the Stanford campus dorms for most of the school year. Except there are some teeny-weeny little issues—specifically her not actually paying rent or being a student.

Yes, you read that properly.

Azia Kim, a graduate of Troy High School in Fullerton, managed to pass herself off as a Stanford freshman and squat in the university dorms (well, it’s not that hard to strut around in Jimmy Choos on the Farm). The San Francisco Chronicle reports that she lived in two dorms over the past eight months before University staff finally caught on.

bq. “Shortly after student orientation last fall, Kim was able to convince students in Kimball Hall to let her share their room, and then to leave the window open — allowing her access even though she didn’t have a school-issued card key, students said.”

Honestly, we here at the Clog have gone to some pretty extreme ends to save money in the past (food is such a vanity item, anyway), but this beats us hands down. The Stanford Daily reports that the theft of services charges, paid at the unauthorized visitor charge of $175 per day, could be as high as $42,000 for Kim. While we can’t tell you whether or not we think that’d be a fair punishment (Kim could also be charged with trespassing), we can tell you that you can get a damn snazzy apartment for $5,000 a month. Probably one with a sauna. And a butler.

Kim apparently went so far as to buy books for classes she was claiming to be in and taking time to study for finals which she would never take. It’s kind of commendable—we have enough trouble doing those things for classes that we’re actually in.

Much of this occurrence is still a mystery. How Kim managed to avoid detection for such a long time (seriously, never using the door to your room? Always climbing through the window when you get home? Should’ve been a bit of a red flag that something was amiss) and why she went to such lengths to impersonate a (lowly) Stanford student are two of the major questions that have been asked in the wake of the discovery.

We’re mainly just asking why someone with that much ingenuity would choose Stanford over UC Berkeley. Oh well.

Impostor discovered at Stanford [SF Chronicle]
IMPOSTER CAUGHT [The Stanford Daily]


With the talk of the imminent razing of Warren Hall we figured we should take a look at some of the other perpetual construction on campus. If you’ve been completely ignoring anything north of the Doe Library for the past few weeks (we’re looking at you, Unit-2 denizens) you may not have noticed the removal of some of the scaffolding around the Chang-Lin Tien Center for East Asian Studies.

Now, we here at the Clog know that you hate to make any decision without having our entirely objective, concrete research to back up your opinion, so here you go. Our long nights of deep contemplation (see: drinking) and consultations with head architects (see: our drunk roommates) have given us the perfect tool to help you decide how you should feel about the aesthetic qualities of the Chang-Lin Tien center: the inestimable subjective rating system.

The obvious stand-out of the building is the metal grate that dominates much of the southern wall. It’s bright, it’s oddly patterned, it puts off a hell of a glare any time between 10 and 6 and it’s more than a little gaudy. Now don’t get us wrong, we love shiny things as much as the next guy, but this just seems to be overdoing it slightly.

Aesthetic quality of the Chang-Lin Tien Center: 3 out of 10.
Aesthetic quality of the Chang-Lin Tien Center (without the grating): 4 out of 10.

For comparison, it’s not as frustratingly confusing as the Hargrove Music Library. Seriously, it has fish scales. Why does it have fish scales? No one knows. But it does. And they’re ugly.

Aesthetic quality of the Hargrove Music Library: 2 out of 10.

Of course, we don’t think leaving a building to sit like a behemoth, nondescript but for its ominous size, is that good a move either. Just take Evans Hall, a building which can seemingly block out the sun from anywhere on campus.

Aesthetic quality of Evans Hall: 3 out of 10.

And to top it off, we’ll invoke the most notorious site on campus. No, we’re not talking about the UCPD station in Sproul Hall, we’re talking about the atrocious eyesore that is Wurster Hall. Now, we’ve all heard how it’s an extremely efficient building, but let’s face it–it’s horrendous. It’s ugly. It may have made one student gouge out his own eyes (at least that’s what some homeless guy said). We’d post a picture, but it would just feel too cruel.

Aesthetic quality of Wurster Hall: -4 out of 10.


It might be difficult to believe, but while you’ve all been huddled in the depths of the Main Stacks, Berkeley has been misbehaving. And not in the fun way (well, except for those naked folks). Here’s a quick recap of some of the less legal goings on of the past week.

Friday, May 11, 2007
6:01 p.m., Dwinelle Hall: Report of a suspicious package. Proved OK.

Nice try, but you’re still going to have to take that final, kiddo.

Saturday, May 12, 2007
9:30 a.m., Unit 3: Vandalism via chalk.

That’s odd. We thought the ASUC elections were over.

12:08 p.m., Peoples’ Park: Possession of an airsoft gun.

Personally, we’d say an airsoft gun is less threatening than a lot of things in Peoples’ Park.

5:37 p.m., Greek Theatre: Male reports injury during course of arrest. Will seek own medical attention.

5:42 p.m., Greek Theatre: Male reports injury during course of arrest. Will seek own medical attention.

Stop complaining about your O-Chem final. At least you didn’t get arrested in the process of getting mindfucked.

Sunday, May 13, 2007
2:37 a.m., Unit 1-Slottman Hall: Victim of alcohol-related illness.

Really, REALLY should have been studying. But who hasn’t made the mistake of saying, “Well, one little drink won’t hurt,” when you’re going through six weeks of lecture notes?

Monday, May 14, 2007
8:44 a.m., Haste Street: Report of theft of children’s playground furniture.

Because stealing candy from a child is just too easy.

6:08 p.m., International House Library: Report of theft of eleven books.

Maybe the thief just couldn’t find them in the library. Books on “The Aggressive Behavior of Sealions Between the Ages of Two and Four” can be awfully hard to come by.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007
11:00 a.m., Peoples’ Park: Dog not on a leash.

Oh. The. Humanity.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007
9:00 p.m., Unit 2-Loading dock: Dumpster diving.

Why is this even illegal? It’s good exercise, it’s cost effective and you don’t have to stray too far from you dorm room.

PoLo is compiled from the UC Police Department’s online Daily Activity Bulletin.
Earlier: PoLo: All Hot and Bothered over Water