Remember the bizarre story about Stanford University reject, Azia Kim? She spent 8 months convincing everyone she was a student at the Palo Alto campus before being busted by their housing department last May. The incident sparked an online sensation among college kids nationwide–especially here at UC Berkeley. Many students even wondered if such brazen trickery occurs on our own campus. Fortunately, the Clog now has an answer: “Yes, it does occur. Kind of. Almost.”

Meet Kevin Hart, an offensive lineman from Nevada who told his hometown reporters that Jeff Tedford wanted him bad. To put it briefly, people didn’t believe it and eventually revealed Hart’s recruitment story to be a complete fabrication by Hart himself (though he initially said someone probably conned him.)

You may be tempted to call him the Azia Kim of Cal athletics, but his con only lasted a few days. To mention both impostors in the same breath would totally dishonor Kim’s impressive 8-month stint, especially since Hart’s plan was condemned to failure the moment he made the absurd claim.

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8:23 a.m. PT: Good morning, everyone. The Clog is ready to kickoff an exciting day of Cal football. Right now, we’re setting up a quick game on NCAA Football ‘08. The Clog will obviously be playing Cal, and Bill (a friend of the Clog’s) will suiting up as Air Force.

8:27: After forcing a three and out, the Clog went straight to Lavelle Hawkins on the first play from scrimmage. The result: a 72-yard touchdown. HAWK HAWK HAWK HAWK [picture us waving our arms as well]! read more »

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Coming in two days the Clog is going to be breaking new ground by bringing to you live commentary on the Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl. This will be the first time the Clog has live blogged (or should we say, live clogged) a sporting event.

We’ve got an early kickoff time for the game at 9:30, so make sure to set your alarms. If you’re an early waker (think 8 am classes for pre-meds) you can tune into the Clog for some pre-game entertainment.

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We loathe Coach Mack Brown, we really do. Last night, the Clog found itself rooting hard against his Texas Longhorns as they played the Arizona State Sun Devils (to no avail).

But, his team winning the game, nor his non-stop whining following every call, drew our greatest ire. Nay, it all climaxed when he tried to steal the show after the final seconds had ticked off.

You all might remember Brown from 2004 when the Bears were perched at no. 4 in the BCS rankings with their sights set towards the Rose Bowl. In comes Coach Brown-noser, who pleaded with the media and coaches to rank the Longhorns ahead of the Bears.
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The Clog has finally got around to putting up pictures from last Saturday’s Ink Bowl. Enjoy.

And before you start, yes, bob jenkins, we know you don’t care.

We would also like to add that we failed to give credit to Joshua Linville, who scored the first touchdown of the game for the Daily Cal.

Head coach, Gerald Nicdao, gives pointers to the team as they get ready to take the field. Along with his advice, Coach Nicdao passed out cups of “Michael’s Secret Stuff” that he saved for this special occasion.

The team bolts downfield in a spread option formation. The team’s rigorous off-season workouts showed in the offense’s flawless execution.

Editor-in-chief, Stephen Chen, takes the reigns of the offense for a series after coming up with some huge plays on the defensive side of the ball.

The Daily Cal sidelines erupts after one of their five touchdowns on the day. Staff representative Andrew Willis looked particularly fired up about the score. You should see how wild he gets around a Koosh hoop during office basketball.

Coach Steffi Chan raises the prized Exacto knife over her head. After a brief scare at the end from The Stanford Daily, the Daily Cal was overjoyed to retain the knife for yet another year.

Image Source: Skyler Reid, Daily Cal
Ink Bowl [Facebook Album]
Earlier: ‘WE’VE GOT THE KNIFE, WE’VE GOT THE KNIFE’

If you haven’t heard, the big story this week in Cal athletics is that Nate Longshore has been playing with a chipped bone near the back of his ankle since the Oregon game. Nobody is really sure where exactly the chip is, but it’s somewhere there. Coach Jeff Tedford and everyone else on the team were well aware of Nate-Nate’s ailment, but decided to keep it from the public and maintain that it was only a high ankle sprain.

No wonder at the Big Game this past Saturday Longshore had difficulty completing the most basic of screen passes (his completion percentage was a lousy 46.8% for the game.) For the season, Nate-Nate’s passing percentage has actually gone down, and going into the bowl game, he has already thrown as many interceptions as last year with six fewer touchdowns. Dare we say that we may have the next Reggie Ball on our hands?

Of course Tedford was asked that if he had known about this all along, then why did he not start Kevin Riley instead? Tedford replied that he defers to his “veteran” quarterback for those type of decisions. Veteran, really? Nate-Nate has played one full season, unless of course you count a medical redshirt as another one.

Tedford was a football player back in the day and should realize that players have their reputation to worry about. Nate-Nate does not want to be seen voluntarily taking a seat on the bench and therefore being labeled as a player who lacks heart. For this precise reason the decision has to be taken out of the player’s hands by the head coach.

But wait, it gets better.

He has asked Longshore on several occasions if the injury has caused his poor fourth-quarter performances, and each time, Longshore maintained that it does not.

For a minute here, let’s assume that Longshore was answering Tedford’s question honestly (which we doubt). What about subbing Nate-Nate out of the game for simply royally sucking?

Image Source: Jessica Kuo, The Daily Cal
Chipped Bone Plagues Longshore [The Daily Cal]

The Daily Californian held onto the prized Exacto knife for yet another year as it beat The Stanford Daily in the annual Ink Bowl this past Saturday. Coach Gerald Nicdao led the Daily Cal to a 32-28 victory that featured some offensive fireworks.The Ink Bowl is a flag football game between the staffs of the Berkeley and Stanford school newspapers on the morning of the Big Game. An Exacto knife is given to the winner of the game. The Ink Bowl is a tradition dating back to at least 1970. We wish we could tell you when exactly it all started or the all-time wins and losses, but record keeping for the Ink Bowl is a tad shoddy.Prior to the game, Andrew Willis unveiled an impressive outfit featuring a pink headband and matching knee-high pink socks. In a post-game interview he revealed that it was to raise awareness for breast cancer.On the field, Jack Ross quarterbacked the Daily Cal to a quick lead that would never be seriously threatened. Matt Kawahara burned his man deep on two occasions for scores forcing The Stanford Daily’s safety to fall back in double coverage. Steven Dunst also came up big with a score (might have been two scores) and finished with an original victory dance that will from now on simply be known as “The Dunst.”Kevin Leahy and Andrew Kim both added touchdown receptions to make an insurmountable lead for the Daily Cal. Leahy’s touchdown was marked by an ugly incident in which a frustrated Stanfurdite tackled him on his way into the end zone. Being the class act that he is, Leahy marched off the field with a laugh.While on defense, Berkeley students made sure to put forward a strong effort. Editor-in-chief Stephen Chen made a huge play on fourth down: rushing the quarterback and tipping the pass to force a turnover on downs.At halftime with The Daily Cal confidently in the lead, Steffi Chan gave a rousing speech to keep the troops motivated. It started with two claps, then the words “all right,” followed by silence. The underlying message of the speech was clear—Chan was not satisfied with the current output and expected more out of the staff.The second half was highlighted by a key interception at the hands of Allyse Bacharach to put The Stanford Daily in a tough position. On the next Stanford Daily possession Jimmy Tran almost came down with a miraculous interception reminiscent of Antonio Cromartie’s grab but could not hold on. His play did, however, save another touchdown and sealed the win.At the end of the game Peter Byrne came back in as quarterback. Bryne suffered a hamstring injury during the first possession but stayed loose on the sidelines in case he was needed. After completing a long pass, he was carried down the field by Mustafa Shaikh in what was game’s most touching moment.As has become tradition, the Ink Bowl was preceeded by a relay race. The Daily Cal fell behind early in the race but managed to win by a split second with a superb effort (you might call it cheating) by Bryan Thomas. A tiebreaker was held to settle the disputed result with the two editor-in-chiefs going head-to-head. Nick Parker, The Stanford Daily’s editor-in-chief, stunned everyone with an amazing time to salvage some pride for the Stanfurdites.After the race, Steffi Chan was handed the Exacto knife and hoisted the trophy above her head to cheers of “WE’VE GOT THE KNIFE, WE’VE GOT THE KNIFE!” And so once again the Daily Cal brings home the most cherished trophy in the history of all college newspaper flag football rivalries.As a note, we apologize if someone was incorrectly credited with a touchdown. The Cal athletics department forgot to send a stat-keeper, and as such, several memories have been pieced together for this account.

The Clog would be amiss to say that it’s surprised that the Golden Bears lost yesterday to Stanfurd 20-13. In fact, we would go as far to say that the entire student section was expecting a loss after seeing how Nate Longshore was throwing the ball during the first offensive series. He once again was able to find the open receivers but consistently under threw the majority of his passes.Coach Jeff Tedford’s ironclad faith in his quarterback (the last time another QB took a snap was during the Oregon State game) has caused the once-savior of Cal football to lose some of his luster. This game was once again marked by continuous calls from the student section for Kevin Riley to replace Nate-Nate. How ironic is it that the person who made the single biggest blunder of the season has his name chanted the most during games?The Clog would like to sympathize with Lavelle Hawkins, who played his last Big Game. After making many jaw-dropping catches throughout the entire season, the Hawk dropped two passes that would have brought the Bears within a PAT of a tie. The Hawk is likely loading up blame upon himself but should rest assured that no one is singling him out for the loss.The Golden Bears also consistently ran into trouble with the referees. Bonehead plays led to the Bears racking up 88 more yards in penalties than the Cardinal. A complete lack of focus did the Bears in.Oddly enough, even with the loss Cal was given a bid to the Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl. The Clog, for one, would like to respectfully decline the invitation because this Golden Bears team does not deserve to have a post-season game.Moving beyond the depressing outcome, the Clog was impressed with the newly rebuilt Stanford Stadium. The breathtaking stadium was built in only 42 weeks, yet we’re still putting the final touches on the Underhill parking lot. Even with a new stadium and the fact that the Cardinal’s arch nemesis was in town, Stanfurd’s overflow student section was more than half-empty.To add to that, the tailgating at the Big Game was lacking a certain element. Stanfurd alumni seemed to be unaware of the fact that the Big Game was taking place in a mere few hours. For most of them it was a time to meet up with some old friends and possibly attend the actual football game. Such is the sorry state of Cardinal football, but things look like they are turning around under the stewardship of Coach Jim Harbaugh.The entire day for Cal athletics wasn’t a loss. The Cal men’s water polo team beat Navy to once again place itself in the national championship game. Today it finished off the tournament with a win over USC for its 13th championship. Also, the Golden Bears basketball squad notched another win to remain undefeated. Unfortunately, the Clog was not able to be present for the Bear’s biggest out-of-conference game because of poor scheduling.Image Source: George Derk, Daily CalCal Loses the Axe After 20-13 Loss in 110th Big Game [The Daily Cal]

 

 Unfortunately, the coveted Stanford Axe is now in the hands of its “original” owner–hands that, incidentally, needed a crash course in the rules of football before the game took off today. How ironic.So we lost to the Cardinal for the first time in six years. Don’t lose hope. The Clog feels your pain and has compiled a list of things you can do to ease the hurt before finals kick in.

* Eat some chocolate with John Scharffenberger at the Botanical Garden on Sunday at 2 p.m. Yay for endorphins!* If laughter is the best medicine, then laugh at gravity with Circus Oz, performing at Zellerbach Hall on Sunday at 3 p.m.* We would also like to remind you that the Tang Center is there for you on Bancroft Way and Fulton Street and “can help with crisis intervention and debriefing in the event of a death or other tragedy”–in this case, the death of a perfectly alright football season.

We’re going to go study for finals now.Image Source: Jessica KuoCal Loses the Axe After 20-13 Loss in 110th Big Game [Daily Cal]

There’s no better way to prepare for an ultimate showdown than by finding out what the opponent is thinking–or, at least, what the (overrated) brains behind their daily publication are thinking. The Stanfurd Daily published a series of Big Game-themed articles that the Clog is happy to share and rip apart with you, in the name of school spirit, and periodical pride!We’ll start with the Stanfurd Daily’s Big Game Guidelines, in which the Cardinal sets out the rules of football in layman’s terms. (If you are a Cal fan going to the Big Game, read these enlightening tips, and do the exact opposite.)

Other worthwhile terminology to remember: Stanford is on offense when we have the ball and are trying to score, defense when Cal has the ball and we are trying to get it back. A first down is a good thing, going “3-and-out” is a bad thing. It’s bad if your quarterback gets sacked, but good if Cal’s does. If all of this is too hard, just use common sense — if a Stanford student runs a long way or catches the ball, that’s impressive, right? And it’s also a good thing in football.

We appreciate the sarcastic tone of the first portion of the article, before it got all Jonathan Poullard on everyone. The blunt admission of the Stanfurd population’s football stupidity is awesome, and the additional snarky-lite jabs at its own hyper-academic brethren kind of remind us … of us! But let’s not get into mushy comparisons. This is a rivalry.From browsing through the Stanfurd Daily’s detailed explication of the history of bears to bear pun appearances in their headlines, it’s obvious that the Stanfurd Daily is, like, so fascinated by us. The strange, Big Game-themed sex column by Roxy Sass is no exception. “Do Stanford Students Outscore Cal?” Sass asks. No, but Christine Borden out-columns Roxy Sass, giving the Daily Cal a winning point on the arbitrary scoreboard–which we did not reveal until now. Hooray!Daily Cal: 4Stanford Daily: 0In related Big Game news, this time on the Cal front–the Clog recently spotted dear Chancellor Birgeneau on Berkeley’s YouTube channel, trying very adorably to get alumni to care about the imminent axe-battle. He’s already fired up a solid 43 spirited viewers, which is perhaps much more people than the current UC Rally Committee can energize, well, all season (not counting the bonfire, of course).On that note: It is about 2:30 a.m. and the Big Game begins in approximately 13.5 hours in the Stanford Stadium.If you are reading this later in the day, that means 4 p.m.Go Bears!Image Source: Ben Miller, Daily CalBig Game Guidelines [Stanford Daily]Bears That Can’t Be Beaten, Unlike Cal [Stanford Daily]Make Finals Week Bear-able [Stanford Daily]Do Stanford Students Outscore Cal? [Stanford Daily]