Like the students at any self-respecting institution, we here at Cal are of the hyper-competitive, overachieving super nerds type – or at least, that’s what the rest of the world seems to think. Those descriptions aren’t entirely inaccurate however. We all have a desire to be better than everyone else – not pointing any fingers, pre-Haas kids – and we’re typically willing to use rather creative methods to get to that point. Some of us would even say that we
The need to keep up with the ‘Berkeley student expectations has correlated with a huge rise in popularity of supplement use over the last few years. In our efforts to make up for our lack of attention or focus, we have created a generation that has raised the standard for both grades and partying. These drugs have been considered saviors, revolutionary even. However, thanks to the efforts of a group led by Berkeley’s very own Professor Danica Chen, we can now propose an alternative that is – dare we say it – legendary.
The so-called “Fountain of Youth” has long been idealized as the solution to all our problems and the bringer of many more if you’re an ardent fan of Jack Sparrow and company. But no longer is it just a legend located in Florida or the Bahamas – depending on which power-hungry explorer you ask. As our understanding of the aging sciences increases – and by “our,” we mean the really smart people who were probably taking some Adderall – there have been breakthroughs in what is hailed as a “longevity gene.” These wondrous proteins not only halt the degeneration of cells by stress-coping mechanisms, but manipulate the process of aging, which has been read more »
As the semester nears its closure, it is becoming more apparent that students will do just about anything to get ahead of their peers. Finals are but a few hours away for some of us, and we can barely trust our friends that were once study buddies for fear they might screw up the curve. Fear not, because there’s a new way to make sure you’re in prime position to tear through your finals without succumbing to the Adderall and Red Bull craze that pervades this time of year. For the mere price of an Andrew Jackson, you can lounge in that stiff wooden chair that is guaranteed to be more comfortable than your dorm chair, your bed, and the roof of Pimentel Hall.
It seems that UC Berkeley students have innovatively come up with ways to make financial progress through these tough times along with their academic advancements. This unnamed entrepreneur is offering you the once-in-a-lifetime chance to snag a seat in one of the best locations on all of campus. The Gardner Main Stacks are a perfect spot to study, though they have allowed the air of intellectual stimulation to get contaminated by the leftover stench of the naked run, or the general possibility of the existence of Stanford students in the library.
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What going to Cal can feel like.
Sometimes we get a little psycho during stressful times in college. We find ourselves doing crazy things like staying up all night studying, or waking up with our heads on our desks. While that regretted crick in your neck will even itself out eventually, you might want to take a closer look at yourself if your bad study habits have forced you to trade your ID lanyard for a neck brace.
Here are ten signs that getting that perfect GPA might be more trouble than it’s worth:
1. The milk in your fridge isn’t for cereal, it’s coffee creamer. (Breakfast? What’s that?)
2. Actually, scratch that – Red Bull: Breakfast of champions.
3. Someone tells you your mascara is running. Turns out they’re talking about the permanent dark circles under your eyes.
4. You’ve re-read three textbooks to pass your history class, and still get a B.
5. You consider dropping out because of that B.
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Posted in: Sandbox
, energy drinks
, finals week
, Red Bull
, REM sleep
, work-life balance
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Yes, we all know exam time is full of stress, and for a lot of us that can translate to a bad mood, procrastination, or less-than-ideal habits… but you don’t need to spread that crap around for the rest of us. Here are some ways of struggling through exam week while still saving face — for everyone’s sake!
1. Don’t ask people at the library to watch your stuff “for a second,” and then leave for 3 hours.
No, really, our sphincter muscles are already those of a 90-year-old’s from drinking four cups of Peet’s this morning. We need to pee, so don’t blame us if we take advantage of that precious – but conveniently empty – Nalgene bottle you’ve left us to supervise.
2. Don’t take “study aids” and then proceed to make a huge racket in Main Stacks because you didn’t realize you would be yakked out of your mind.
Last year in Main Stacks we sat next to a girl in a cubicle who had obviously taken a… choice pharmaceutical… and spent several hours throwing books all over the place, scribbling like a maniac, and shaking. Yikes.
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In an unprecedented decision, Wesleyan University has labeled the illicit use of pharmaceutical “study-aids” like Ritalin and Adderall a violation of the school’s academic honor code. Essentially, this would make the use of these drugs by individuals without official prescriptions — allegedly 6.4 percent of college students — a form of cheating.
We here at the Clog love our sleep; the soft embrace of our blankets, the caress of our pillow. Which is why it at first seems so foreign to us that anyone would think to intentionally deprive themselves of that most blessed state, especially for the sake of studying. read more »
Surely at some point in your prolific undergraduate career, you’ve produced an analytical masterpiece simply bursting at its eight-to-ten-page seams with eloquently abstracted brilliance far too groundbreaking to quietly staple and shove into a pile of your fellow students’ Adderall-driven crap.
Which of course is the basis for The Folio, UC Berkeley’s one and only Academic English Journal: for those of you hoarding your essay on nihilistic imagery in Wallace if for no other reason than to occasionally gaze at those “very goods” scribbled in the margins with a glowing sense of pride.
Are we speakin’ your language? So are the good folks at The Folio, who will be having an Acquisition Party this Saturday, Oct. 2 at 7 p.m. at the Davis House Co-op — 2833 Bancroft Steps. We hear tell there will be noms.
Image Source: emilybean under Creative Commons
The Folio [site]
Earlier: Be Hipper Than Thou
Blog, ho! The Clog takes this opportunity to man the lighthouse and acknowledge a (relatively) new vessel docked along the stark and jagged shore that figuratively represents the Berkeley blogosphere. Recognizing that student guides contain no real information about what student life is actually like, the office of Undergraduate Admissions launched the student-authored Golden Bears Blog to open a more candid window into the nature of being a Berkeley student. Slightly less spectacular than the (horribly obnoxious) Yale approach, but whatever. read more »
You might find this shocking: Some of your fellow classmates illegally use drugs for non-recreational purposes. Somebody figured out that prescription amphetamines like Adderall skew the ongoing term paper vs. Youtube duel in favor of your GPA and suddenly there was a line curling out of your shady neighbor’s dorm room. Another year, another study: looks like ‘academic steroid’ use continues to rise. Hey, only suckers study sober; just check out the numbers.
Non-medical stimulant use is at its highest in fifteen years, with roughly 6 percent of undergraduates having used Adderall in the past year. Prevalence is highest behind the venerable ivy-covered walls of the East coast privates, with the Bay Area coming in close behind. But hey, we, crazy lefties, tend to tip the psychoactive scales in general.
Experts warn that such substance abuse may lead to dastardly side-effects including dizziness and insomnia (funny, we’ve felt finals induce similar things.) More so, concerns about “academic dishonesty” and “fairness” continue to mount, with a sunken surrender to the American spirit of competition and self reliance, not to mention the impossibility of regulation, dragging not far behind.
Image Source: ChelseaM. under Creative Commons.
More students using ‘academic steroids’ despite risks, ethical questions [Contra Costa Times]
It’s settled, then. As if the awesomeness of stimulant drugs weren’t self-evident enough already, UC Berkeley researchers offer hard proof and vindication
in the face of your judgmental roommate. A.D.H.D. medications improve cognitive performance, raise test scores and, by extension, render you an overall better person. OK, this last conclusion we inferred ourselves–and yes, the study did pertain to legitimately diagnosed children and doctor-prescribed meds, not strung-out Berkeley students and whatever it is you get from that shady frat guy you met in discussion section. But hey, a rose by any other name would smell as sweet, right? read more »