It didn’t take long for our namesake to show up on LiveJournal’s AnonCon, but that doesn’t stop us from
procrastinating writing about it. If we cared or had a collective Facebook profile, we would undoubtedly request to join the elite support-group-turned-honor-society that is We Got Slandered on AnonCon.
But while we love talking or reading about ourselves, we not-so anonymously confess that we adore the anonymous author of this post. It is precisely this sentiment that has inspired so many frustrated Clog posts about tree people and various other protests and happenings around campus.
And if anyone still worries about Allison Stokke (and we’re judging it’s at least a handful from our handy Google keyword statistics), have no fear–she’s mentioned on AnonCon this year! But for those of us who aren’t stalking her on Google, we also don’t really care enough to note that her celebrity status in the LiveJournal community is more limited.
If you’re of the LiveJournal type (or even if not), enjoy the last few thousand comments of AnonCon part II while supplies last. Meanwhile, we have tree people to gawk at and pirate mail to read.
Who are we kidding? We haven’t done a single hour of honest studying all day, so we might as well share our procrastination tips with you. With finals looming over the campus, you have to find some way to relax … if by “relax” you mean totally avoid your 20-page research paper.
In no particular order, the Clog suggests:
* Playing Scrabulous
* Poring over AnonCon
* Confessing in AnonCon, part II
* Reading other blogs
* Browsing YouTube (or PornoTube, if you prefer)
* Following the trials and tribulations of Winston the cat
What are your procrastination favorites?
The AnonCon is totally awesome. That’s why we were so sad when it didn’t start as quickly this spring.
But now’s it’s up and running (finally) and we just couldn’t wait to see all the sexy things happening in these confessions. Truly, the Anoncon is a way to bring sexy back, or just let the timid college students be all that they can be.
Sure, Craigslist is an awesome source for those looking for someone to get down with, but why do that when you can read about horny college students and their not-so-wholesome college lives?
We know that people do more than study and run naked through the Main Stacks. This proves our point:
bq. i will be masturbating in the main stacks tomorrow.
Awesome, tell us when and where and maybe we’ll be there. Not. Just don’t jizz all over the books, okay?
The AnonCon also gives us great philosophical debates, like this one:
bq. I ration out that I can’t be wiping my ass horribly wrong, because people still suck my gentials. If I smelled like shit, I don’t think people would suck on my genitals repeatedly, unless they were into that.
bq. I’d really like to know whether other people manually spread their cheeks to wipe their ass. Additionally, does it take people so many wipes that their ass gets sore?
We’re going to gander five. Don’t ask us why or how we know.
Of course, the best part of the AnonCon is reading all the little schoolgirl crushes that students have on their professors. Get over it. Sure they’re hot, but really, will you ever have a chance with your prof?
These particular confessions are about English professor Kent Puckett:
bq. I do notice that he says “right” about seventy times during lecture and that his darker corduroys have a hole in the backpocket where his wallet pokes through and once he bent down to get something and I saw his tightie-whities.
bq. does anyone else notice how he always seems to feel the need to briefly rest his hand between his neck and his shoulder at the beginning of an office hour conversation? Sometimes he’ll slip his hand inside the collar of his shirt to do this, sometimes he won’t.
Ahh, there’s nothing about daydreaming about hot professors, unless you somehow find a way to get laid through the AnonCon.
bq. I’m one of those girls in your Humanities classes, always chewing on her pen and writing in the margin of her notebook. And usually I’m writing about my day, or his hands, but sometimes I’m writing about the silly thing I want someone (him, especially, but there’s the whole unrequited crush thing) to do to me, a stupid fantasy but it’s true: just write all over me in blue ink, Donne’s “The Sunne Rising” or just I want over and over, and then follow the words with his mouth.
Oh, you sawcy pedantique wretch!
But here’s the bottom line:
bq. have sex with me, berkeleydotedu@gmail
Let’s get it on.
Earlier: Casual Fridays: Getting Dirty the Sanitary Way
We’re craving some dirt, in a bad way. What has become a staple of the UC Berkeley LiveJournal community has been missing. Or maybe it’s just uber-late, but the usually oh-so-fabulous, oh-so-delicious, oh-so-juicy Anonymous Confessions haven’t been started by a moderator on the UC Berkeley LiveJournal community.And we’re saying we want it, and we want it BAD!The explanation from our lovely mods has been that they think they started the anoncon too early last year.Well, then if you don’t want to start it, someone will – and they did. Someone’s taken it in their own hands and started the anoncon, without the mods help!bq. I am so depressed I had to do this. What the hell, mods? But some people aren’t really into this whole anoncon thing.bq. Why would you want to do this? I can think of a bzillion better people to confess to. A priest? A shrink? A lawyer? random homeless guy at People’s Park? 90% of people here are utterly devoid of any compassion, sympathy, wisdom, or morals character. The so called “confessing” is nothimg more than a blatant act of attention whoring, from a cesspool of rancid, festering idiot and fuck-ups attending a third tier toilet. In fact, I would rather stick a number of pointy, phallic objects up my ass than reading through 50 pages of your boring, generic, inconsequential “confessions”. And I love my ass. bq. Having a crush on a GSI is not dirty secret, stealing your roommate’s leftover thai food is not a dirty secret. Nobody cares. Go murder a hooker with a chainsaw, then you got something to confess. Oh, get over yourself. You know you want it.