It seemed Cal was trying to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. And it was a harrowing experience. Dixon’s last two downfield marches were like Chinese water torture. Actually, due to our Post Traumatic Oregon Losses Disorder (PTOLD), they were probably worse than Chinese water torture. The bitter Eugene defeat has been an annual rite of passage for Cal football fans. The feeling of seeing yet another game slip towards that awful conclusion ceased seeming surreal years ago.
But, thankgodfully it’s all over. No more curse, just the joy of watching us leapfrog all those other upset-foiled teams. The Clog emphatically shouts, “Woo-hoo!”
And here our profound thoughts:
This was a game of odd names. Consider that we had two Dixons (one spelled “Dickson”), a Syria, a Jon Stewart and an Alex Mack.And the best part? The game was reffed by (you can already hear us snickering) Jack Wood. Hmm, how much wood could a Jack Wood jack, if a Jack Wood could jack our victory by not overruling that horrible field goal call? We’ll let David Romer figure that one out.
Though we often complain about Nate Longshore, we hope he’s healthy. That involuntary pilates was pretty gruesome.
DeSean was absolutely brilliant (Thank God we boldly unbolded his name!). Not much to say about numero uno in this space, other than the usual superlative blah blah, Heisman blah, blur of light blah blah, name our kids after him blah blah, etc.
Forsett played an underrated role in this one. DeSean’s already receiving a heap of ESPatteNtion for his amazing performance. This overshadows Forsett’s yeoman work. JFo had many Tomlinson-like plays in that second half. And his player introductions speech was also very amusing.
Memo to ESPN/ABC/Mysterious Corporate Evil Megastructure: The duck stuff just isn’t funny. Please, stop. If you want to create a show about mascots, simply slot it after that ultra-pimped Geico cavemen program. Don’t interrupt our football game with a lame network exec’s idea of comedy.
Dixon wasn’t terrible. This is an edit (we initially spoke ill of the Dix). Hey, when you’re wrong, you’re wrong. The man did have some really bad overthrows though …
Unfortunately, our defense looked a lot like our defense for those last two drives. That is, until the miracle fumble. This is a play that will forever go down in un-infamy. We loved the sight of all those shocked Oregonian faces. If we were getting Chinese water tortured, that one was the Iron Maiden deluxe supersized combo. The Clog feels for ya, Oregon people … Actually, not really. We’re just stoked about the amazing win!
This contest was tough on our sturdy golden stomach.Image Source: Allison Porterfield, Daily Cal
No. 6 Bears Stun No. 11 Ducks 31-24 at Autzen Stadium [Daily Cal]
This is a huge game. With that in mind, we’re going to have to make a big change to ensure a Cal victory …
Oh man, we don’t know how to do this. Look, we’re going to stop bolding DeSean’s name (There, it’s been said). We thought it’d be proper tribute to a hero—an awesomely nerdy means of showing the Clog’s appreciation. But sadly, the football gods did not concur. Since the bolding, D-Jax has had no punt return TDs, negative thousand yards receiving and 35 billion Nate Long&short overthrows.
To stem the tide, we’ve decided to worship his DeSeanness in other ways. Now the Clog is sacrificing virgins (be warned, Foothill!). Here’s to hoping this causes a replay of the above, er, replay. And with that, here are the amazingly correct, spot-on prognostications of some football prodigies:
Cal has trouble in Oregon, Cal has trouble in Oregon, Cal has trouble in Oregon, etc. Look, this can be broken down pretty easily. We just need to remember that our mascot is a bear and their mascot is a duck. Now, who would win in a fight we ask? Cal pulls a huge win today. Screw a kangaroo, if yarrrrrra what we mean.
We predict Jon Stewart will have a big game against our newly uncrappy defense. Hmm, it’s just too easy to make a lame “Daily Show” joke in such circumstances (Please, just stop hurting our defense).
The highly underrated Dennis Dixon will get 300 yards passing and 50 rushing. Oh crap, we predicted a win? Damnit.
Okay, for this big win to happen, we have to get 330 yards from Long&short. Plus 150 yards from JFo. Yea, that’ll do just fine.
We won’t get any interceptions in Duckville.
A miracle Hawk play will get us the W.
He won’t do “the Hawk”.
The final score is 33-30. By “huge win,” we meant a three-point nail biter.