Didn’t know this coming week’s been designated Sh*t Goes Down: The Remix? Well, to begin with, we recommend removing your heads from your … um, readers. There’s a bright, sunny world out there, people! Filled with walkouts and pickets and rallies galore.

A guide to “No Business As Usual” in a nutshell:

Wednesday, Thursday and Friday (Nov. 18-20): University Professional and Technical Employees (UPTE) begin picketing every morning at 5 a.m.

Nov. 18: Mass rally starting at noon on Sproul; march followed by a “Strike Meeting: What’s Next?”

Nov. 19: Another noon rally, this time meeting at California Hall; 4 p.m. Strike Meeting on Sproul.

Nov. 20: Noon rally at California Hall once again. This time, “if the Regents increase our fees, lay us off and cut our pay, we will have no choice but to escalate our actions.” Anarchy? Nay—slumber party! “Tent City throughout the strike in solidarity with UCLA. Bring a pilow !”

… Right. Expect updates in days to come.

Image Source: Diana Newby
Strike @ UC Berkeley: No Business As Usual [IndyBay]
Earlier: More Yogurt, More Land

We’re assuming most of you have already figured this one out, but for those of you who are a little slower adding two and two, we (and Mark Baldassare) are here to inform you that cutting funds in the UC system is not exactly the best means of redress. To prolong our prior metaphor, it is, in fact, exactly like chucking all the life-vests overboard. Or throwing out the baby with the bathwater. Substitute idiom of preference here.

Let’s break it down: College costs more. –> Fewer people attend college. –> Fewer people graduate college. –> California becomes stupid.

Or, in slightly more articulate terms, “the state will face a severe shortage of college graduates needed for important jobs unless there’s a concerted effort to better fund higher education and encourage young people to attend and graduate from college.”

As Baldassare—president and chief executive of the Public Policy Institute of California—put it when addressing the UC Commission on the Future: “The supply of college graduates is not likely to keep up with the demand.”

Meaning we’ve basically trapped ourselves in an ever-spiraling vortex of economic doom. And while all of this strikes us as inherently obvious, maybe the Commission isn’t as forward-thinking as its name seems to imply. Maybe Baldassare’s damning vision will instill the bone-deep terror necessary to make informed decisions when shaping the UC destiny—and, by the same token, the fate of California as a whole.

Or maybe we really are better off abandoning ship and bouncing to kangaroo country.

Image Source: hint of plum under Creative Commons
Expert predicts shortage of college grads in California [SFExaminer]

Since you can’t turn your head without hearing the words “budget crisis,” we’ll assume you’ve heard about the cuts in funding to various departments on campus. Since the problems began, some faculty even raised the question of cutting back funding for athletics. And this Thursday, the faculty voted to “urge the school to stop subsidizing its money-losing athletics department as soon as it legally can.”

Now take heed—this doesn’t mean that the football team is going be thrown unceremoniously from the gravy train. The legal part makes everything much more difficult. The Chancellor himself noted that contracts don’t expire for a few more years, so the university will “continue to help the department stay afloat.”

It just means that they’re looking now for a way to make the athletics department self-sufficient. And yes, that could mean cuts to athletic teams.

Professors already seething from earlier cutbacks are not kind to athletics funding. Michael O’Hare, a professor at the Goldman School of Public Policy, put it this way: “The university is about values of scholarship, teaching and the arts, not swimming, running and haute cuisine.”

Them’s fightin’ words. Use your own and sound off in the comments below.

Image source: Neubie under Creative Commons
UC Berkeley faculty endorse cut in athletic aid [San Francisco Chronicle]
Earlier: To Subsidize or Not to Subsidize

Moving right along…

7:46 p.m. After searching in vain for the past 20 minutes for a good Airbears location in Pauley Ballroom, I’ve determined there isn’t one. If my connection dies, I’ll take to the Clog’s twitter, so try there.

7:52 p.m. Will Smelko is introducing the panel, Chancellor Robert Birgeneau, Executive Vice Chancellor Breslauer, Dean of Students Jonathan Poullard and Erin Gore, assistant vice chancellor of the budget.

7:54 p.m. Definitely heard some boos and hisses for Birgeneau and Breslauer. Harsh.

7:58 p.m. “The funding per student (from the state) is exactly half of what it was twenty years ago” -Birgeneau

8:00 p.m. “What do you do when you find out you’re missing millions of dollars? … it ruins your summer vacation.” – Birgeneau. Oh, Bobby B.

8:03 p.m. Fee increases get booed.

8:04 p.m. Birgeneau says he hopes to cut tens of millions of dollars by improving administrative operations.

8:06 p.m. “This will impact significantly students from middle class families” -Birgeneau on fee increases

8:10 p.m. “We’ve called on the Obama administration … we’ve appealed to them to save public education,” Birgeneau said. “If the the federal government were to invest in public education half of what they spent on AIG, then that would be enough to permanently solve the problem for about the top 20 public research universities.”

8:11 p.m. March on Sacramento planned to demand investment in California public higher education.

8:12 p.m. “I’ve seen it all, but I’ve never seen it this bad”-Breslauer. I’m getting depressed.

8:15 p.m. Did I mention that I got one of those little golf pencils to write a question to the panel with? It was very exciting. If you’ve got a question you’d like me to ask, comment it.

8:20 p.m. Jonathan Poullard says they’re trying to keep campus housing costs stable.

8:30 p.m. “The idea of democratization of the Regents is a canard. The Regents did not bring this upon us.”-Breslauer

8:33 p.m. “I don’t understand the disinvestment by the state. I have some conspiratorial ideas, but they’re kind of paranoid and I don’t think I want to be quoted on them”-Birgeneau

8:35 p.m. “In a place like Berkeley, there’s a tendency to demonize the Republicans, and maybe it’s justified. Don’t quote me on that”-Birgeneau. Whatcha gonna do about it Birgeneau?

8:40 p.m. The Q&A portion started about 15 minutes ago, in case I forgot to mention that.

8:45 p.m. Bearcardo strikes again.

8:54 p.m. “With public funding disappearing at an alarming rate, we appealed to our alumni and our friends … once these funds come to us they in effect become public funding”-Birgeneau

8:56 p.m. “It’s very rare for an individual to come to you and say, ‘here’s a million dollars, what do you want to do with it?’” -Breslauer

8:57 p.m Will Smelko hasn’t said hi to me. Maybe he doesn’t remember me from my ASUC reporting days.

9:00 p.m. One student’s question: “Why does our football coach earn more than any other public employee?”

9:10 p.m. “There’s a certain amount of cynicism that goes along with this event … I ask for grace and patience as I hear things, and I will extend grace and patience back to you” – Poullard. People are getting a bit riled up.

9:15 p.m UC Berkeley’s budget will be going online before the end of the month, so you can play chancellor and try to balance it yourself. Fire up your Excel spreadsheets.

9:30 p.m. “One of my unhappinesses with the Regents is that there is not a single academic … I’ve nominated several people myself … but I have not been successful”-Birgeneau

9:33 p.m. Breslauer used the word “exigency.” Fancy.

9:36 p.m. “My own view is that fees should not get any higher”-Birgeneau. Again, shocking.

9:42 p.m. One student: “I don’t know how big the strike in November is going to be, but the one in March is going to be hella big. Be ready to be with us in the picket lines, to tell the Regents and to tell the president that we are not going to take it.”

9:45 p.m. Birgeneau does not plan to obtain emergency powers à la Yudof to try to redistribute the budget.

9:47 p.m. According to Birgeneau, there has not been a single executive pay raise on UC Berkeley campus.

9:48 p.m. Sounds like we’re wrapping up. Bye folks!

Image Source: ahisgett under Creative Commons

Oh, Mark Yudof. You are not having a good year. First all the problems with the UC system, and now this. A cemetery in your own backyard.

Yes, you read that correctly. After the long conference about the California public education crisis, a crowd of protesters were so riled up that they journeyed all the way to Yudof’s Oakland Hills home and built a “mock cemetery” on the hillside.

Why a cemetery? Well, you know, it’s “in keeping with Yudof’s recent comparison of the university to a cemetery.” In case you’ve forgotten, in an interview with the New York Times, Yudof said, “being president of the University of California is like being manager of a cemetery: there are many people under you, but no one is listening. I listen to them.”

This (unclear) comment raised the collective hackles of the people. Well, that and the fact that the UC system pays $10,000 a month for Yudof’s rent during a budget crisis.

So the protesters did what anyone would do: they went to Yudof’s house and built a cemetery. Out of paper.

This protest is in dire need of a rousing chant. How about: What do we want? To freak out Mark Yudof with an obscure reference. When do we want it? Halloween-time seems appropriate.

And well, what about it, university officials? Are you good and scared now? We wouldn’t be. Nothing can match the collective college student fear of the budget cuts. In comparison, every other fear is just our little brother lurking in the hallway with a flashlight and some red corn syrup.

Partisan position: Protestors give UC president a cemetery [Berkeley Daily Planet]
Image source: kkimpel under Creative Commons

OK, that might be a little fear-mongering. But it is true that next fall Berkeley will play host to far more out-of-state students than before. The damaged budget has reared its ugly head once more, and the university needs the money that higher fees for out-of-staters will bring.

As of right now, about 14 percent of Berkeley’s admitted freshmen are from outside California. Now, a “task force of faculty and administrators recently recommended pushing that number up to 23.2 percent for the fall semester.” And to make things worse, 2,500 fewer in-state students will be accepted into the UC system next year regardless of how many out-of-staters are admitted.

UC Chancellor Robert Birgeneau understands our anger, but adds that “that upset needs to be directed to Sacramento.” With all due respect, Chancellor, it’s difficult to direct this upset to a specific place. Right now the upset is simply gushing out of us like a problematic energy drink.

Just another thing to blame on Sacramento.

UC Berkeley to admit more out-of-state students [SFGate]
Image source: nate steiner under Creative Commons

Nobody takes away our libraries. Budget cuts flung the Cal student body into nerdtacular diaspora, and we responded like the pack of (amphetamine raddled) bears ousted from our cave that, indeed, we were. There was confusion; we sat in; most effectively, we phoned mom and dad.

By mid November, all library hours will be back to what they were in the glory days (spring 2009), back when everything was perfect. Hours will be expanded gradually, allowing for training of new students to work the extra time. It all starts this weekend. The first library to reclaim its long lost hours of operation will be announced on Friday.

As things progress: up to the minute library hour updates here.

Image Source: pelicanwind under Creative Commons.
Gifts from parents restore full library hours [News Center]

Still figuring out your Halloween plans? Instead of partying at the co-ops or trying to weasel some shame-tainted candy out of your neighbors by reliving your youth, change it up with a Halloween-themed concert. [The SFist]

With the university endowment down 30 percent, cookies are no longer being served at Harvard faculty meetings and students are now being denied a hot breakfast. Well, they may have raised our tuition, but at least they haven’t taken away our breakfast. [The New York Times]

A recent health inspection at Smart Alec’s found a few rat droppings near the cash registers, but don’t worry, they still have an ‘A.’ No biggie. [Daily Cal]

Earlier: We Left Our Heart in San Francisco

Okay, so this isn’t the real scenario. But you have to admit, it sounds pretty flippin’ awesome. Could we turn our university into a cyborg? Well, UC Berkeley Chancellor Robert Birgeneau seems to think so: he’s considering turning Berkeley into a state-federal “‘hybrid’ that receives basic operating funds from the government.”

You had us at “hybrid.” Our ailing university will now come back stronger than ever, howling with revenge-lust for its lost workers and ready to kick some financially unstable ass. Libraries will always be open … in the matrix. Lectures will be downloaded into our consciousness. No one will ever have to wait in line again.

Apologies, we exaggerate. Essentially the UC system is in the poor house, and we’re going door-to-door in Washington asking for scraps of federal funding. Our state is obviously not helping enough.

It really is a shame Berkeley isn’t a human/machine hybrid, though. With the Terminator as governor, we’re going to need all the help we can get.

Image source: Daquella manera under Creative Commons
State-federal ‘hybrid’ eyed to save UC [Daily Democrat]

F*ck, these budget cuts have teeth. Still, the surgeon’s hand must have slipped when it shaved off 23 percent of University Health Services’ annual budget (about $2 million.) No really, faculty pay cuts and student fee hikes are a pain and all, but what are we supposed to do when we get swine flu? See what to expect next time you visit the Tang Center (grab on to your wallet and brace yourself):

UHS figures that between cutting services and raising fees, the latter is probably a healthier option. However, they do plan to boot 20 staff members, so expect longer waits. They will also be introducing an “assessment nurse,” who will give you a speedy once-over and tell you how badly you really need attention. Apart from those structural “adjustments,” business will remain as usual, with the same array of hours and services.

However, there will be fees. Oh, yes:

- New co-pays: Beginning September 21, $15 for Primary Care visits and $30 for Urgent Care.

- The Counseling and Psychological Services department is being expanded (woohoo!) The first five are free; however, from that point on they will now be on a fee-for-service basis.

We guess that’s the bulk of it. That wasn’t so bad now, was it?

Image Source: massdistraction under Creative Commons.
Students to pay new fees for some UHS services [News Center]