Unless you’ve been stuck in the basement of Etcheverry for a matter of months, you know that the brand-spanking-new Memorial Stadium is playing host to our football team from here on out. The presumed hope was that the shiny new arena would somehow increase the level of play from the somewhat disappointing record of last season. With Saturday’s 22-point beatdown in Salt Lake City, many are calling for the dismissal of the man at the helm – Jeff Tedford.
Not everyone who attends Cal lives on campus. Some of us are actually commuters to this lovely school of ours. Now it’s true that students who live on campus do get access to a variety of interesting experiences just by living near it. However, we commuters can also get our own dose of Cal in unique ways even when we’re off campus. So when we were on our way to school one day, in the freeway change from I-680 to CA 24 W near Walnut Creek, we got to notice something distinctly Cal-related: a striking billboard advertising our football team.
On the billboard, there is a picture of one of our players telling us in assertive bold capital letters “I’LL SEE YOU AT MEMORIAL STADIUM” with a look on his face indicating that we made a pretty serious commitment to see him and probably shouldn’t flake. Understandably, as an advertisement, the football player’s words are just something we automatically shrug off. But after seeing the billboard, we began to wonder, what would he do if we didn’t show up to memorial stadium? More importantly, what if the next day on our way to school, instead of the football player’s normal message to us, stood an entirely different billboard with a reaction to us not showing up?
Below is an artistic representation of what we believe would be there the following day.
Immediately, we started to feel pretty horrible about the thought of this actually playing out. Thankfully, all of this is just our imagination running wild. After all, we are rather confident in our belief that we didn’t utterly devastate the day of a Cal Bears football player … At least, we hope.
Image sources: Matt Espineli, Daily Cal and Dylan Stephanides
Who doesn’t love Cal football? In addition to the brilliant athletes winning on the field, our football games feature a wide variety of really interesting fans. Here is a list of just five of those people:
The Enforcer doesn’t go to the football game for kicks and giggles. He has an important job to do: to make sure that no one is wearing red. Or sitting down. He spends the game not watching the game, but searching the aisles for violators of the Bear Code. Once he finds those people, he uses his peer pressure taser to shame the offending party into submission. He goes to bed each night knowing that football games are a little more school spirited as a result of his actions. To all the Enforcers out there, we salute you.
The Troll/Freshman/Schmuck/Attention Whore
The Enforcer’s nemesis, the Troll/Freshman/Schmuck/Attention Whore is a hallmark of stupidity and provocation. Something about not wearing red just seems incredibly difficult for this person. Or maybe he/she simply enjoys five thousand people screaming at them to not sit during the game. Either way, there’s always at least one at each game.
The Girl Who’s There Just For the Pictures
Now, this kind of behavior can be found in men, but a LOT more with women. You know the type. These ladies have no interest in football, but are there solely as an opportunity to flaunt their duck face. They take literally dozens of pictures. And then there’s the ridiculous amount of make-up. Poor Oskie. We would put her picture here, but that’s just what she wants.
The Guy Who Knows Everyone On The Team
Just to be clear, he doesn’t. He just acts like he does because he lives in a deluded world. You can catch him shouting congratulations to Keenan after a good run, or yelling his praise to Marc for a solid tackle. He probably even believes he’s on the team. He is easy to spot — just look for a douchebag.
The Angry Guy
This young man is passionate about football. How passionate? Blood boiling, spittle flying, arms flapping passionate. He spends the entire game coming up with new ways to curse the other team, which he hates more than anything else on the planet. Give this guy a wide berth every time the other team scores. Or he might punch you in the face.
The best part about the fall semester? Getting the chance to terrorize freshmen of course. Oh, and football season. Mainly football season. Even though we don’t have a bonfire this year, we can all go see Bob Dylan and then heartily show our blue and gold against the trees. But it doesn’t take the Big Game to get us excited — any sort of football, period, gets us juiced. Even the following video about training camp. We hope y’all are getting just as pumped as us.
9:40 a.m. PST: Roll on you Bears!
11:20: ESPN Streak for the Cash, which the Clog plays most diligently, has the Texas Longhorns favored over the Bears at 92.7 percent. The Clog, naturally, will be ignoring the unfavorable odds and placing our money on the Bears. We’ll show ‘em.
5:10: Clog friend Kevin has just Tebowed for the team. Hopefully this will ascertain our inevitable victory.
5:17: The first punt of the night! Cal defense has just shut down … oh wait, oh wait. Punt kick fumbled. WHAT ARE WE DOING RETURN TEAM?!
5:19: Ref is saying something here… apparently it was illegally touched by Texas. Cal ball. Close one. Let’s keep it sharp, Bears.
5:28: Tavecchio makes the field goal! First points on the board for Cal! read more »
When: Wednesday, December 28, 5 p.m. PST.
Where: Qualcomm Stadium, San Diego and on every faithful Bear’s TV screen.
What to watch: The Bears rolling on over the University of Texas Longhorns. What precisely is a “longhorn”? According to our good friend Wiki, it’s “a fatbreed of cattle known for its characteristic horns.” Cows versus Bears? This shouldn’t be a problem. read more »
After last week’s inept play against UCLA, do you really wanna see some Cal football today?
Hell yes you do!
So what if they’ve lost four of the last five games? And so what if quarterback Zach Maynard – the same guy who threw a total of seven interceptions in their last two losses – will be starting again this week? And so what if it’s gonna be colder than a Stanford student’s heart in an Arctic winter? … Wow, these aren’t very encouraging words. How about this: The Bears are playing a team that is slightly worse than they are, meaning that you might actually witness a rare-ish win!
And since you’ll already be across the bay, you can read more »
Looking for an extremely last-second costume that’ll scare the sh*t out of some student-athletes? Just wear a USC or UCLA jersey.
This Halloween weekend was completely horrifying for Cal athletics. The most obvious was the ghoulish collapse by the football team in a 31-14 loss at the Rose Bowl. Bears quarterback Zach Maynard managed to surpass his gruesome play against USC a couple of weeks ago – where he threw three interceptions – by throwing four interceptions to UCLA. To be fair, read more »
Apparently, the fine folks at ESPN do not read the Clog. Shame, because if they had, they’d be aware that 3D technology has been proven to cause “eyestrain, fatigue and headaches,” all of which we’re not really that fond of.
As if watching movies in 3D doesn’t suck enough, ESPN 3D has announced that two Cal football games — Oct. 6 at Oregon and Oct. 13 against USC — will broadcast in 3D.
To see the games, you’ll need a very pricey 3D-ready TV, meaning you can’t just sit at a bar wearing flimsy 3D glasses and expect anything to happen (although that would be extremely amusing to see). read more »
Yesterday, individual tickets for Cal football went on sale and, to no surprise, the homecoming game against USC — possibly the biggest home game of the season — is already sold out.
Before you begin cursing vociferously at this news from the comforts of your local Starbucks, we want to remind you that you still have an opportunity to see Cal get some sweet revenge against the Trojans after last year’s shellacking at Memorial Coliseum.
Season tickets are still available for the Bears’ season in the city. However, returning students beware: tomorrow, July 27, read more »