If only it was finals season–perhaps then we’d have a proper reason to down unhealthy amounts of caffeine this weekend. From Mar. 28-31, the Gaia Arts Center will host the 2008 Western Regional Barista Competition to see which California or Hawaii pros can brew the most outstanding cup o’ joe under massive pressure. And if you didn’t catch the hint–yes, there will be free coffee and espresso, compliments of regional roasters who want to show off their skills.

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BART riders, rejoice! If you’re picking up BART on Thursday, Jan. 31 sometime between 6 a.m. and 9 a.m., you’ll get to revel in free coffee. This year, Tully’s Coffee teams up with BART on BART Ride Thank You Day.

Expect to see volunteers handing out 50,000 coupons next week. Coupons will be good for a free latte or drip coffee. Yeah, you’ll need it if you’re riding BART that early.

Downtown Berkeley is among the participating stations. If you’re elsewhere that day, you can also pick up your coupon at Civic Center, Powell St, Montgomery St, Embarcadero and Oakland 12th St. Wake up and smell the free stuff!

Image Source: BART
Tully’s, BART thank you day Jan. 31 [BART]

While the rest of you awoke to the start of a glorious three day drinking bi—err, weekend, we here at the Clog were hard at work . . . kind of. Let it never be said that we aren’t willing to sacrifice ourselves for the sake of our readers, no matter how burnt the beans, no matter how thin the foam, we will overcome all obstacles to find the best of what Berkeley has to offer in the way of a solid latte. Well, except Gerald. He wasn’t around. So we made a puppet to take his place.So, with no further ado, let the coffee crawl begin.

First stop, Nefeli’s Caffe, the shining star of Northside, and what turns out to be some of the best coffee in town.

Ethan Strauss: Can you normally grind your own nutmeg? Because that’s pretty cool.
Christine Borden: Very good mix of cafe and latte. You don’t even need sugar.
ES: You can really taste the beaniness.
CB: The beaniness?
ES: The beaniness.
Gerald Nicdao: …

Quality of coffee: 9 of 10
Overall quality: 8.5 of 10
Ethan’s rating of pretentiousness: 7 of 10

—-

Next we wandered down Hearst Avenue toward Berkeley Espresso. Despite the underwhelming coffee, we’ve gotta give some points out to anywhere that has free wi-fi. Their carrot cake’s pretty damn good too.

ES: The flavor is reminiscent of burnt taste buds.
Skyler Reid: It’s definitely a weak flavor . . . way too hot . . . yeah, burnt taste buds seems about right.
CB: Needs sugar. [Goes inside to get sugar. Adds one packet of sugar. Sips. Adds a second packet of sugar. Sips] The sugar didn’t work. It still tastes like burn.
GN: …

Quality of coffee: 6 of 10
Overall quality: 8 of 10
Ethan’s rating of pretentiousness: 9 of 10

—-

People’s seems to be hidden in the occasionally staggering number of options near University and Shattuck avenues. Sadly, it’s not that big a loss.

SR: Feels a little bit quiet . . . and there’s a creepy old guy staring at you, Christine.
ES: I don’t really know about this flavor.
SR: You mean the flavor of overly roasted beans and bubbly foam?
CB: Wow. This tastes just like the smell of my weird video production teacher’s breath in high school . . . wait, that sounds wrong.
ES: Whatever the fuck that stuff is on the wall, it’s cool.
CB: That’s bamboo, Ethan. Hey, if you’re really lucky you might find that book for class that you never bought!
GN: …

Quality of coffee: 5 of 10
Overall quality: 7 of 10
Ethan’s rating of pretentiousness: 8 of 10

—-

The Clog’s next stop in our pain-staking research was the Free Speech Movement Cafe. Low and behold, it’s closed for Memorial Day weekend. But that didn’t stop Ethan from monologuing in place of an actual review.

ES: So at FSM you get to stand in a line that’s twenty people long where you’ll run into a GSI from a class you took two semesters ago and have an awkward conversation about the class, which you don’t remember at all. Eventually you make it through the line of annoying, screeching students and are served by that one guy who everyone knows. You know, that one guy. The coffee is spectacularly alright-ish, but then you have to somehow find seating, which is simply impossible to do anywhere inside.
CB: Great place to smoke, though.
GN: …

Quality of coffee: N/A
Overall quality: N/A
Ethan’s rating of pretentiousness: N/A

—-

A short walk across campus brought us to the normally packed Cafe Milano. Chalk it up to the effects of too much caffeine (we’re all drinking water by this point), but everything seemed a bit off, from the service to the taste of the latte.

SR: Tastes . . . sour? It’s like the milk is a bit off.
CB: It tastes a bit burnt. I’m reminded of Berkeley Espresso.
ES: The only way it could feel more pretentious would be if they built a chamber for foreign grad students to smoke in while listening to minimalist electronic music.
GN: …

Quality of coffee: 5.5 of 10
Overall quality: 6.5 of 10
Ethan’s rating of pretentiousness: 11+ of 10

—-

In the last stop of the day, the heavily caffeinated Clog staff went all the way down to Beanery by College and Ashby avenues. While it is, admittedly, outside of the two block radius from campus that most students rarely break, we felt it important to see what was available in the outer ring of the Berkeley Bubble.

ES: Although the milkiness might be too much for some people, I think it’s nice. It makes it really smooth. Reminds me of the lattes my mom used to make.
SR: [Confused look]
ES: No, seriously. That’s not even a joke.
CB: I like it, but it’s kind of overshadowed by this peanut butter cup sundae drenched in hot fudge and peanuts.
ES: [Finishing last coffee] Mmmm, tastes like Gerald.
GN: …