Ah. Nothing says snooty intellectual college life like a steaming hot caffeinated beverage, equally pretentious company and some good, old-fashioned studying. So when we embarked on our latest crawl, we thought it would be appropriate to revisit cafes as a theme–only this time, the Clog kept a keener eye on study-ability, and ordered cappuccinos (at the behest of special guest Clogger/Arts blogger/ caffeine fiend, Rajesh Srinivasan), rather than lattes.

We also came up with a somewhat arbitrary–yet ever so apropos–overall rating scale. From worst to best: Steamed Milk, Weak Coffee, Single Shot, Double Shot or Triple Shot. read more »

We love tiny Berkeley eateries for their grab bag of tasty odds and ends–specifically croissants. As a mini summer getaway, Cloggers traveled far and wide in search for flaky, buttery perfection.

First off, a little background information. A croissant is a delicious French pastry; its national origin is apparent from the way that its proper pronunciation sounds nothing like it’s spelled. Its main ingredient, we think, is butter, and contains something like 300 to 400 calories. Dieters beware.

La Farine Berkeley, located at College and Alcatraz avenues.
Price: $1.85

The first thing that we noticed was La Farine’s speedy service. The croissant was good, as far as layers and layers of buttery tissue pastry go. read more »

With one blogger on vacation, we decided to vacay ourselves and indulge in some gelato and artisan ice cream. Our bellies rumbling and one mind reeling over its imminent midterm, we set forth to go where no blogger has gone before.

OK, so we’re pretty sure people have eaten this shit before. But we sampled the craziest, weirdest and most exotic flavors we could find. And now we’re telling you how it is. Listen up, son.

Glide on …

First we drove down to 4th Street ’cause we’re lazy. We sat down at Sketch, which specializes in hand-crafted ice cream. It’s a little gourmet, if we do say so ourselves.

Earl Grey tea, $3.50

Skyler Reid: Sketch is not, in fact, sketch.
Gerald Nicdao: This isn’t Earl Grey tea. They lied.
Christine Borden: This would taste good with caramel.
SR: Sadly, they don’t have caramel here. They only have burnt caramel. It’s more expensive … Why are we eating with sticks?

Overall, a smooth, rich flavor, but with an odd and too-sweet aftertaste.
Quality of snooty dairy product: 7/10
Flavor with the most syllables: organic coffee granita
——

Next the Clog beetled over to Shattuck Avenue’s Gourmet Ghetto, where we found Ciao Bella Gelato. Oh God, that place smelled so good.

Carrot ginger, $3.95

GN: Doesn’t taste like anything.
SR: Spicy.
GN: I don’t taste that.
CB: I don’t taste the carrot. Oh. Now I taste the carrot. Tricky. Oh. It was like a ginger attack.
GN: I CAN’T TASTE THE CARROT!

Not as smooth as Sketch’s ice cream.
Quality of snooty dairy product: 6/10
Flavor with the most syllables: Straccitella chocolate chip gelato
——

We headed over to the Berkeley BART area on Shattuck to hit up Gelato Milano, which proved to be more exciting than its plain white exterior led us to believe.

Crem caramel, $3.00

CB: If baby flesh were to taste like anything, it would taste like this.
SR: It would be saltier.
GN: It’d taste like bacon … I still can’t taste the carrots.

Milano had the perfect gelato consistency, and the flavor wasn’t overpowering.
Quality of snooty dairy product: 8/10
Flavor with the most syllables: Mandorla tostata
——

Gelateria Naia was just a block away on Shattuck. We were suprised to find it, well, sucked. Then again, our flavor was tad ballsy.

Whole grains, $3.25

SR: Maybe it’s a good source of fiber
CB: Is that good for the anal stage?
SR: Are you coming on to me?
CB: OK, who wants to finish this one?
GN & SR: Not me.
SR: Fine, I’ll do it.

Accurate flavor, we’ll give them that. Too stiff and dry.
Quality of snooty dairy product: 4/10
Flavor with the most syllables: Madagascar vanilla, cantucci e vin santo and chocolate peanut butter
——

Our last stop was, like last time, on College Avenue. We said bonjour to Ici, a French ice cream parlor and bakery. Dude, they even had Baked Alaska.

Chicory, $2.75

SR: Definitely points for having real spoons. Bendable spoons. Oh my God, they are the perfect flicking spoon. Hey, Gerald, catch!
CB: These spoons are nice!
GN: Amazing! Can you break ‘em? … Kinda looks like sperm.
Skyler breaks his own spoon

Spoons aside, the ice cream had the perfect texture for its class. The flavor, however, was a bit too heavy on the spices and clung to our palates.
Quality of snooty dairy product: 7/10
Flavor with the most syllables: Lemon amarena cherry

Earlier: Crawling Berkeley: A Better Cuppa Joe

While the rest of you awoke to the start of a glorious three day drinking bi—err, weekend, we here at the Clog were hard at work . . . kind of. Let it never be said that we aren’t willing to sacrifice ourselves for the sake of our readers, no matter how burnt the beans, no matter how thin the foam, we will overcome all obstacles to find the best of what Berkeley has to offer in the way of a solid latte. Well, except Gerald. He wasn’t around. So we made a puppet to take his place.So, with no further ado, let the coffee crawl begin.

First stop, Nefeli’s Caffe, the shining star of Northside, and what turns out to be some of the best coffee in town.

Ethan Strauss: Can you normally grind your own nutmeg? Because that’s pretty cool.
Christine Borden: Very good mix of cafe and latte. You don’t even need sugar.
ES: You can really taste the beaniness.
CB: The beaniness?
ES: The beaniness.
Gerald Nicdao: …

Quality of coffee: 9 of 10
Overall quality: 8.5 of 10
Ethan’s rating of pretentiousness: 7 of 10

—-

Next we wandered down Hearst Avenue toward Berkeley Espresso. Despite the underwhelming coffee, we’ve gotta give some points out to anywhere that has free wi-fi. Their carrot cake’s pretty damn good too.

ES: The flavor is reminiscent of burnt taste buds.
Skyler Reid: It’s definitely a weak flavor . . . way too hot . . . yeah, burnt taste buds seems about right.
CB: Needs sugar. [Goes inside to get sugar. Adds one packet of sugar. Sips. Adds a second packet of sugar. Sips] The sugar didn’t work. It still tastes like burn.
GN: …

Quality of coffee: 6 of 10
Overall quality: 8 of 10
Ethan’s rating of pretentiousness: 9 of 10

—-

People’s seems to be hidden in the occasionally staggering number of options near University and Shattuck avenues. Sadly, it’s not that big a loss.

SR: Feels a little bit quiet . . . and there’s a creepy old guy staring at you, Christine.
ES: I don’t really know about this flavor.
SR: You mean the flavor of overly roasted beans and bubbly foam?
CB: Wow. This tastes just like the smell of my weird video production teacher’s breath in high school . . . wait, that sounds wrong.
ES: Whatever the fuck that stuff is on the wall, it’s cool.
CB: That’s bamboo, Ethan. Hey, if you’re really lucky you might find that book for class that you never bought!
GN: …

Quality of coffee: 5 of 10
Overall quality: 7 of 10
Ethan’s rating of pretentiousness: 8 of 10

—-

The Clog’s next stop in our pain-staking research was the Free Speech Movement Cafe. Low and behold, it’s closed for Memorial Day weekend. But that didn’t stop Ethan from monologuing in place of an actual review.

ES: So at FSM you get to stand in a line that’s twenty people long where you’ll run into a GSI from a class you took two semesters ago and have an awkward conversation about the class, which you don’t remember at all. Eventually you make it through the line of annoying, screeching students and are served by that one guy who everyone knows. You know, that one guy. The coffee is spectacularly alright-ish, but then you have to somehow find seating, which is simply impossible to do anywhere inside.
CB: Great place to smoke, though.
GN: …

Quality of coffee: N/A
Overall quality: N/A
Ethan’s rating of pretentiousness: N/A

—-

A short walk across campus brought us to the normally packed Cafe Milano. Chalk it up to the effects of too much caffeine (we’re all drinking water by this point), but everything seemed a bit off, from the service to the taste of the latte.

SR: Tastes . . . sour? It’s like the milk is a bit off.
CB: It tastes a bit burnt. I’m reminded of Berkeley Espresso.
ES: The only way it could feel more pretentious would be if they built a chamber for foreign grad students to smoke in while listening to minimalist electronic music.
GN: …

Quality of coffee: 5.5 of 10
Overall quality: 6.5 of 10
Ethan’s rating of pretentiousness: 11+ of 10

—-

In the last stop of the day, the heavily caffeinated Clog staff went all the way down to Beanery by College and Ashby avenues. While it is, admittedly, outside of the two block radius from campus that most students rarely break, we felt it important to see what was available in the outer ring of the Berkeley Bubble.

ES: Although the milkiness might be too much for some people, I think it’s nice. It makes it really smooth. Reminds me of the lattes my mom used to make.
SR: [Confused look]
ES: No, seriously. That’s not even a joke.
CB: I like it, but it’s kind of overshadowed by this peanut butter cup sundae drenched in hot fudge and peanuts.
ES: [Finishing last coffee] Mmmm, tastes like Gerald.
GN: …