Mitt Romney’s rash comment during the presidential debate that he would cut funding for PBS seemed a bit ridiculous. What kind of sane person would cut PBS?! Where would this world be without ‘The Joy of Painting’ and ‘Sesame Street’? In a dark place, that’s where.We feel that any of the Muppets would make a better head of state than Mitt, and here’s our proof:

Bert and Ernie

These two. We know right off the bat that they share a dynamic never before seen between a president and his vice. They complement each other bert_ernieso well that they would always make the right decisions. President Bert is a rock: intelligent and warm, he would make a great envoy and a charming negotiator. His impressive bottle cap collection is proof of his attention to detail and ability to relate to his constituents. Ernie represents the epitome of good ideas. As Vice President, he would bring so many good ideas for fixing the economy that “unemployment” would have to be a Word on the Street. Ideas such as national Rubber Duckie day, which would boost nationwide rubber production, and the new Department of Equality, in which Ernie will take away anything Americans are not able to share equally, leading to redistribution. And we know exactly where they stand on gay marriage.

Big Bird

A domineering personality, Big Bird would scare the living bejeezus out of any foreign diplomat. America wants access to the Persian Gulf? Ten big birdminutes with Ahmadinejad, and Big Bird would make the Gulf into our exclusive swimming pool. Big Bird’s biggest strength is his seemingly naive tone and kind personality. Like a sociopath, Big Bird employs Teddy Roosevelt’s international policy of speaking softly and carrying a big beak. No one messes with Big Bird.

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elmoMeet “earthquake safety Elmo.” He will save you from earthquakes in Japan. Or revive you with irritating laughter. We assume that’s what the Japanese above his head says.

Here in Berkeley, we get extravagant displays of emergency preparedness instead, ones meant to reassure us that we’re in good hands (even if they’re not fuzzy or red).

From 8 a.m. to 12 noon on Friday, expect mock victims, complete with labels and fake injuries, by Wurster and Stanley Halls. 2,500 randomly selected WarnMe subscribers will receive test messages. The campus’ public address system and sirens will go off. Police and fire department officials will be on scene. Madness and mayhem will (ideally) not ensue.

This year’s annual emergency drill theme is “Resilience 2011.” The mock scenario? An earthquake causes an explosion on campus, and everyone calmly and resiliently endures. Mock scenario, indeed …

Image source: kalavinka under Creative Commons
Emergency drill set for Friday [UCB Newscenter]