We’ve all had to pad that one hard essay with an entire extra paragraph of  meaningless words and hackneyed idioms to get to the page minimum. That’s fine. Hell, if you don’t know what you’re talking about, it’s recommended. But what is not okay is using those phrases in everyday language. They make life boring and can cause cancer. Here is a short list of common phrases you may have heard around campus. These are on the no-fly list. If you hear them used and can restrain yourself from punching the speaker in the face, then you must be a zen master.

1. Rhyme and Reason, as in: “What is the rhyme and reason to repeating yourself, you horse’s ass?”

Unless you’re getting paid by the word to talk, there is nothing to be gained from coupling synonyms together. Just don’t do it. Also, note that this is a placeholder for a more general rule: if two words mean the same thing, only use one. Super simple stuff.

2. Mumblemumblemumblemumble “Oh god I can’t speak today” mumblemumblemumble

See, people are compassionate. If you need a moment to stop and compose yourself no one is going to laugh at you for being slow. They will understand because everyone’s experienced a mental block. What can’t be justified, however, is taking a moment to explain to others that you are having difficulty in your Broca or Wernicke‘s areas. A drowning man does not hold up a sign that says “I need air.” He just tries to swim.

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Scantron testAfter discovering the latest omen of the world’s coming demise, the Clog encourages Berkeley students to put down their books and enjoy their short-lived time on Earth.

There’s a lot of crazy in the world: Snuggies, for one, or “Schweddy Balls”-flavored ice cream, for another. But when we read that a UC Berkeley study found that thousands of the four-and five-year old children who take California’s official test for English language proficiency (an ordeal that can last up to two hours) prior to starting kindergarten are likely to fail said test, our immediate reaction could be aptly characterized with a simple “no, duh.”

First of all, most kids that young haven’t even learned to read yet — that usually goes hand in hand with some schooling — and second of all, read more »