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Coming in two days the Clog is going to be breaking new ground by bringing to you live commentary on the Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl. This will be the first time the Clog has live blogged (or should we say, live clogged) a sporting event.

We’ve got an early kickoff time for the game at 9:30, so make sure to set your alarms. If you’re an early waker (think 8 am classes for pre-meds) you can tune into the Clog for some pre-game entertainment.

The Bears suffered their second loss in a row this season, finishing Saturday’s game 30-21 against the Bruins. We were thoroughly depressed for a good hour, and then we got free samples from Bakesale Betty. Other bloggers didn’t have this luck, so we’re making up for our lack of appropriate fandom. Here’s what the sports blogosphere had to say:

Tedheads No More
“Jeff Tedford did a remarkable job of being more conservative than Karl Dorrell,” Kevin of TBIOOTF write. “He flatly coached down to his competition.” The honeymoon is over.

The honeymoon is definitely over, Eli of TBIOOTF agrees. This was a game of “pedestrian playcalling.”

Avinash of Bears Necessity thinks it’s absolutely embarrassing that we were

outcoached by a laughingstock who called a timeout, took a delay of game, … punted on 4th and 1 at midfield and proceeded to have his homecrowd boo him for two minutes.

The loss could become even more embarrassing in time.

Oh, and btw, Tedford’s losing record in LA is now 0-6, Eric of Cal Football Fan mentions. Now that’s embarrassing.

Nate Longshore vs. Kevin Riley
Longshore worked well on his ankle, considering his injury, but that did eventually limit the offense in the first half, Kevin explains. Plus, he can’t “throw an out to save his life.”

Eli would have gone for Riley, whom he believes proved himself against the Beavers, over Longshore:

When healthy, Longshore is a below-average athlete with a solid arm and sound decision-making skills. With a bum ankle, Longshore is a horrible athlete who cannot generate the same physical momentum on his throws, making him a weaker quarterback, decision-making aside.

Avinash agrees that UCLA exploited Longshore’s weakness.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly
Was there anything good about this game? Avinash best describes the game in a single play:

We sacked a guy with a torn MCL once or twice, and I’m pretty sure one of those sacks was an accident, like two retards running into each other during a soccer game.

There was no way we could run the ball against the Bruins defense, Kevin points out. We turned the ball over too many times.

Eli calls out the horizontal passes, extremely conservative running plays and little aggression on first and second downs. Pedestrian playcalling, again. Our running game was supposed to be a strength. What happened?

No Rosy Future, but…
Eli reminds us that we have another tough road game ahead, the quarterback situation is “in shambles,” the athletic center is up in the air and there’s anything but an aura of calm. It’s not time to panic yet, but perhaps it will be soon.

Avinash isn’t destitute yet. He knows that ASU and USC will be tricky, but wins over these teams would help heal past losses. He still has hope, but we’ll need to bring it against the Sun Devils.

Our old blogger Gerald reports from the Daily Cal:

“Obviously, the national championship is out of the picture, the Rose Bowl is out of the picture, but you’ve still got to play,” linebacker Worrell Williams said. “You still have to suit up and you still have to play. We have six or seven games left. It’s about pride now, you’ve got to show up.”

Yes, we still have our pride, but we’ll seriously have none if we lose to Stanford. Then again, that game against USC did throw us for a loop.

Image Source: Shamim Pakzad, Daily Cal
Quick Hits, Cal-UCLA (Report Card) [Bears Necessity]
Oh Man [TBIOOTF]
Game Over, Honeymoon Over [TBIOOTF]
Another Year, Another Missed Opportunity [Daily Cal]
Reactions: UCLA 30, Cal 21 [Cal Football Fan]

Student tickets for the football game against UCLA go on sale tomorrow at 8:30 a.m. The Cal Bears site says that only currently registered UC Berkeley students with season tickets may order.

Oh, and once you snag your tickets, this dude wants to buy one from you for 40 bucks.

Don’t forget your transport–the LJ Community’s got some tips (other than commandeering a frat bus) on making your way to SoCal.

Image Source: Linda Zhu, Daily Cal
2007 Football Away Games [Cal Bears]
Cal vs. UCLA Football [UCB LJ Community]

ZOMG! It’s Gerald Nicdao on TV! Nicdao, one of the first Cloggers, appeared on ESPN’s coverage of the Cal vs. Oregon football game last Saturday. Currently, “GerJazz Hands” works as the assistant sports editor for the Daily Cal.

As a Clogger, Nicdao was the longest-running writer as well as the most productive, certainly having written the most posts out of any Clogger to date. Yeah, it’s true–we miss Gerald.

At least we’ll always have Gerald, Jr.

Student Showdown: Cal vs. Oregon [ESPN Video Beta]

Oh man, who made that? This admissions-killer has been ruining our Saturday afternoons for far too long. Remember how you felt whenever Ayoob dropped back in the pocket? That’s how we feel when the narrator says, “What do you see?” The unspeakable dread has become a consistent Pavlovian anticipatory response to a pun so terrible, it nearly renders the English language irrelevant. Perhaps that’s hyperbole. But seriously, whenever we hear that “You see Berkeley” gem, our Cal pride gets tasered Kerry-style.We might as well have taken the ad money and given incoming freshman full rides to UCLA and Stanford. This makes the “General betray us” thing look like Churchillian word play. Fine, we’re done heaping praise on this masterpiece. We’ll just look at Cal’s ranking and calm down a bit. And yes, the Clog will eat these words on our next lame-punned headline.University of California Commercial [YouTube]

Cal fans, click on ze linkage. Such a thing was unthinkable before the ass-kicking savior’s reign. Hell, actually beating the Ducks in Oregon was unthinkable before his miracle work.

Are we happy about this? Cal football fans kind of have to be. There are some nagging questions, though. Does our team have an identity? Does Nate Longshore inspire confidence? Is he even healthy? Is the defense actually good? Is Oski a little bit creepy (he reminds us of a certain scene in “The Shining”)?

Our superstitious inclination to eschew early celebration is causing all this sacrilegious questioning. We apologize. Enjoying the moment seems like a logical thing to do. Still, those nagging thoughts of impending USC-delivered doom are currently present. Actually, thoughts be damned. We’re just going to push those out of our sturdy golden domes, and celebrate our No. 3 ranking in the nonsensical world of college football. No. 3, baby!!!

Image Source: Michael Smith, Daily Cal
2007 NCAA Football Rankings - Week 5 [ESPN]

It seemed Cal was trying to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. And it was a harrowing experience. Dixon’s last two downfield marches were like Chinese water torture. Actually, due to our Post Traumatic Oregon Losses Disorder (PTOLD), they were probably worse than Chinese water torture. The bitter Eugene defeat has been an annual rite of passage for Cal football fans. The feeling of seeing yet another game slip towards that awful conclusion ceased seeming surreal years ago.

But, thankgodfully it’s all over. No more curse, just the joy of watching us leapfrog all those other upset-foiled teams. The Clog emphatically shouts, “Woo-hoo!”

And here our profound thoughts:

This was a game of odd names. Consider that we had two Dixons (one spelled “Dickson”), a Syria, a Jon Stewart and an Alex Mack.And the best part? The game was reffed by (you can already hear us snickering) Jack Wood. Hmm, how much wood could a Jack Wood jack, if a Jack Wood could jack our victory by not overruling that horrible field goal call? We’ll let David Romer figure that one out.

Though we often complain about Nate Longshore, we hope he’s healthy. That involuntary pilates was pretty gruesome.

DeSean was absolutely brilliant (Thank God we boldly unbolded his name!). Not much to say about numero uno in this space, other than the usual superlative blah blah, Heisman blah, blur of light blah blah, name our kids after him blah blah, etc.

Forsett played an underrated role in this one. DeSean’s already receiving a heap of ESPatteNtion for his amazing performance. This overshadows Forsett’s yeoman work. JFo had many Tomlinson-like plays in that second half. And his player introductions speech was also very amusing.

Memo to ESPN/ABC/Mysterious Corporate Evil Megastructure: The duck stuff just isn’t funny. Please, stop. If you want to create a show about mascots, simply slot it after that ultra-pimped Geico cavemen program. Don’t interrupt our football game with a lame network exec’s idea of comedy.

Dixon wasn’t terrible. This is an edit (we initially spoke ill of the Dix). Hey, when you’re wrong, you’re wrong. The man did have some really bad overthrows though …

Unfortunately, our defense looked a lot like our defense for those last two drives. That is, until the miracle fumble. This is a play that will forever go down in un-infamy. We loved the sight of all those shocked Oregonian faces. If we were getting Chinese water tortured, that one was the Iron Maiden deluxe supersized combo. The Clog feels for ya, Oregon people … Actually, not really. We’re just stoked about the amazing win!

This contest was tough on our sturdy golden stomach.Image Source: Allison Porterfield, Daily Cal
No. 6 Bears Stun No. 11 Ducks 31-24 at Autzen Stadium [Daily Cal]

This is a huge game. With that in mind, we’re going to have to make a big change to ensure a Cal victory …

Oh man, we don’t know how to do this. Look, we’re going to stop bolding DeSean’s name (There, it’s been said). We thought it’d be proper tribute to a hero—an awesomely nerdy means of showing the Clog’s appreciation. But sadly, the football gods did not concur. Since the bolding, D-Jax has had no punt return TDs, negative thousand yards receiving and 35 billion Nate Long&short overthrows.

To stem the tide, we’ve decided to worship his DeSeanness in other ways. Now the Clog is sacrificing virgins (be warned, Foothill!). Here’s to hoping this causes a replay of the above, er, replay. And with that, here are the amazingly correct, spot-on prognostications of some football prodigies:

Cal has trouble in Oregon, Cal has trouble in Oregon, Cal has trouble in Oregon, etc. Look, this can be broken down pretty easily. We just need to remember that our mascot is a bear and their mascot is a duck. Now, who would win in a fight we ask? Cal pulls a huge win today. Screw a kangaroo, if yarrrrrra what we mean.

We predict Jon Stewart will have a big game against our newly uncrappy defense. Hmm, it’s just too easy to make a lame “Daily Show” joke in such circumstances (Please, just stop hurting our defense).

The highly underrated Dennis Dixon will get 300 yards passing and 50 rushing. Oh crap, we predicted a win? Damnit.

Okay, for this big win to happen, we have to get 330 yards from Long&short. Plus 150 yards from JFo. Yea, that’ll do just fine.

We won’t get any interceptions in Duckville.

A miracle Hawk play will get us the W.

He won’t do “the Hawk”.

The final score is 33-30. By “huge win,” we meant a three-point nail biter.

Our bad on not writing a LaTech preview. It was Rosh Hashanah, after all. Anyway, this wasn’t the most suspenseful of contests (the Louisiana coach had to slap his players just to wake them up). The preview would have read “look for maximum ownage!” Despite the win, we’re a bit sad over DeSean’s poor play. Especially considering how awesome his first two games were (see above mix tape). “One” certainly wasn’t the loneliest number whenever he received a punt. Oh, and here some other profound thoughts on Saturday’s action:

First off, let’s thank Kip’s for turning on the TV late. It’s not like we wanted to see that kickoff return TD or anything.

You know you’re playing well when the opposing coach is literally slapping his players.

Thank God we were playing a “Tech” team, considering the shoddy reffing.

The reverse to DeSean would have worked, but Nate Long&short ran away from a block. Way to be a QB, Nate.

We hope this statistical aberration won’t hurt DeSean’s Heisman chase. What kills the Clog is how close DeSean was to having a monster game. If he catches that slant, it’s a loooooong touchdown. And if the refs had granted DeSean’s back o’ the endzone sang, we have another long TD. Still, “Number One” seemed to be playing ahead of himself just a bit.

There probably should have been a challenge on that back o’ the endzone catch.

Our bubble screens were getting popped.

The Clog was happy to see the Bears go for it on an early crucial 4th down play. Has Tedford been reading “David Romer’s work on this topic“? Great Berkeley minds think alike.

Heard at Kip’s, after the billionth penalty call: “What is this, a RAIDERS GAME??!!”

Also heard at Kip’s: “How are (the refs) going to screw us out this time?!”We like this newly invented “screw us out” phrase and hope it gains more traction.

Rex Champion should have been named “Rex Blahquaterbackonamediocresecondtiercollegefootballsquad.” The “Champion” tag doesn’t fit him so much.

That SydQuan Thompson block was amazing. If you missed it, you missed the play of the game.

DeCoud and Syd both played out of their minds. Props to a improving defense.

We understand that Forsett ran for a google yards and looked fantastic. Still, we want more Jahvid. He’s probably the team’s second most exciting player, yet Teddy often glues Best to the bench. Did JB look at “our ass-kicking savior” the wrong way?

Twice the announcers said, “Alex Mack is a sweetheart.” Thought you’d like to know.

Did anyone see that ridiculous commercial where the kid thanks his mom for blocking his Internet access to porn? Did we imagine it?

We don’t have many thoughts on the second half. It got boring in a good way.

Shana Tova

Not content with Michael Moore and Barry Sanders, people representing the greedy state of Michigan (or rather the University of Michigan, but whatever) are trying to steal our man. That’s right. Those damned Mitten-Staters are clamoring for Tedford.One dastardly Michigan lover sent out a lengthy plea “in which he refers to Teddy as an ‘Ass-Kicking Savior”. Nerve-rackingly enough, the post got mentioned in Dan Shanoff’s super sports blog.Here’s our response to this foolishness:Dear Michigan,We understand that the past couple weeks have been, ahem, trying for you. You guys have suffered some really tough losses recently. We feel for ya. Really, we do.But that gives you no right. Not this early in the season, dammit. As your evil blog boy pointed out, Cal football had an extended period of suck. Did we start bitching and moaning for another coach after the second game? Well, actually, it’s hard to remember that far back because we’re currently distracted. “Watching the YouTube clip of the Appalachian State field goal block” can certainly divert one’s attention. But we probably didn’t pull a knee-jerk coach poach. And we’re damned sure that you shouldn’t.Besides, it’s most likely a lost cause. Ted’s happy here. He’s doesn’t have to do things like living inside an eviscerated caribou as a means of surviving February (that’s a common thing up there, right?). Life is good for our ass-kicking savior. We’re sure he enjoys the California weather. We’re confident he likes the cosmopolitan Bay Area scene. And yes, he probably loves losing to Pete “Gap catalogue model” Carroll every year. Oh wait. Never mind, scratch that last one.Anyway, Ted wants no part of your program or your region. In the unlikely event that he does depart for the icier pastures of Canada, Jr., it will only be indicative of early onset senility. Under those circumstances, the man shouldn’t be coaching or operating heavy machinery for that matter.Oh, and “according to Wikipedia,” (Or science—one of the two at least), a wolverine is a member of the weasel family. How fitting. And read this excerpt:bq. There is at least one published account of a 27-pound wolverine’s attempt to steal a kill from a much larger predator—namely, a black bear (adult males weighing 400 to 500 pounds). Unfortunately for the mustelid, the bear won what was ultimately a fatal contest, crushing the wolverine’s skull.That’s right, you contemptible, mustelids. Don’t think we won’t come up there and deliver a metaphorical skull crushing to your team. Yes, the game isn’t scheduled. But in a world where Appalachian State can beat a top 5 squad, crazy things are possible. Oh, what team did they best again? Eh, it’ll come to us. We can just watch that clip again. For now, hands off our man!Love,CalImage Source: Daily Cal