Unlike Andy Samberg, we love a good handout. Admit it: so do you. Nothing beats a late night perusal of the East Bay free stuff classifieds, only to discover that the wicker daybed you always dreamed of owning has been abandoned on the corner of Shattuck and Delaware, or that three whole sets of venetian blinds are waiting to be rescued from a compost bin in Albany, or that a sofa, upholstered in purple velour and possibly infested with bed bugs, is up for grabs near Rockridge BART. Sure, it’s a gamble. But hey, it’s free. And we’re downwardly-mobile 20-somethings. And it’s a recession.

If you’ve been plagued with that freeloader’s itch, you may be in luck. Berkeley’s recently sold storage warehouse, the Marchant Building, will open its doors next Friday for a day of giveaways. Tables. Chairs. Desks. Antiquated office supplies. Absolutely free. No strings attached.

A likely real estate casualty of budget cuts, the warehouse has stored UC Berkeley relics for over 20 years. Treasures include a large scale model of San Francisco, dormitory furnishings from the 60s, tablet-desk chairs, and perhaps most pitifully, a bear statue with an amputated claw.

Who knew Oski’s cousin had a phantom limb? We’re willing to bet there’s a war story behind that one.

So. If your bedroom is lacking the antiquated irony it deserves, hustle on down to 6701 San Pablo Ave. next Friday, Oct. 23, 9 a.m. – 3 p.m. Get there before the hobos.

Image Source: Emily Barney under Creative Commons
UC Berkeley News [site]

Apparently they think there’s something fundamentally wrong with only having a location on every block or two; people should have access to coffee 24/7. Cue light bulb: Instant coffee! But not just regular instant—it’s Starbucks instant. Which we guess just means it tastes like sludge and it’s more expensive than a regular cup.

Starbucks seems pretty excited about it: “It’s pretty revolutionary, when you think about it. With Starbucks VIA™, great coffee can be yours anytime, anywhere. A life-altering concept, with tasty consequences, to be sure.” We’re talking about putting a packet in hot water right? Just checking.

Until October 5, Starbucks invites you to come and order their new “Via” instant coffee to see if you can taste the difference between it and their regular coffee. Even if you can (or even if you spit in the barrista’s face and tell them it tastes like charred mud) you still get a coupon for a free cup of coffee later, so everybody wins. Except maybe you, because you have to drink it.

Starbucks Instant “Via” must die! [Youtube]
Starbucks Via [Website]

Want to make the most of the last remaining dregs of summer? Have a car? Don’t have a car, but know someone who does? Then you should totally take advantage of  that sliver of time between your final summer finals and the start of real school (barf) in about a week or so and go to a national park.

They may not exist for long, after all, and there is literally no better time than this weekend–because it will be free. Yep, yep, yep! You can get in touch with your inner Teddy Roosevelt at any one of these national parks, all of which usually charge admission, and none of which–as far as we know–are particularly accessible by BART.  So there you go. When you get there, just remember to walk softly and carry a big stick.  A big walking stick, that is … ( Hardy har. God, we’re funny.)

Image Source: Anoop Joy under Creative Commons
U.S. National Park Service Free-Free Weekend Parks (By State) [NPS], via SFist

Not to be out-free crapped by its competition, Ye Olde Coffee of the Astronomical Dollars and Ubiquitous Mermaid is offering free pastries tomorrow morning. On the off-chance you’re confused by our (incredibly unnecessary) epithet, we’re talking about Starbucks.

The catch(es)? You’ve got to get there before 10:30. In the a.m. Yeah. For those of you still reading, the other catches are that you have to buy a beverage and you have to present this ticket in order to get your purportedly healthier-than-ever-before carbo-licious treat. Worth it to get out of bed before noon? Possibly. Actually healthy? Probably not.

Image Source: Leonard John Matthews under Creative Commons
Free Pastries at Starbucks next Tuesday Morning [InBerkeley]
Free Pastry Ticket [Starbucks]

Yep, the wise professors of the Professors’ Guide fairly warn you to beware of apathy–because, honestly, how likely are you to keep up with a class you’re not paying your parents’ hard-earned money to take? You’ve got about a snowball’s chance in hell of actually getting anything out of it–unless it’s a subject for which you have (brace yourself … ) genuine interest.

Or, if you’re looking for something a little less useful than a full course, you could just use your summer to catch up on all those famous guest speakers that came to campus. Audio from many of those events is posted on Berkeley’s webcast site, too.

His Holiness the XIV Dalai Lama: Peace Through Compassion [YouTube]
6 Tips for Taking College Courses Free of Charge [US News]
UC Berkeley Webcasts [Website]
Earlier: Utilize Your Seemingly Banal Talents

If the words “going green”–or more importantly, “free stuff”–mean anything to you, then we suggest you head out to the PLAYgreen Festival tomorrow in Pauley Ballroom, going on from 10 a.m. ’til 4 p.m. Basically, it’s going to be a bunch of companies trying to out-green each other—which we assume means we won’t be bombarded with fliers or ugly keychains (unless they’re on recycled paper and made of recycled tires, respectively).

The festival’s Website lists using a solar or wind-powered phone charger or sending out Facebook invites to party guests—rather than paper ones—as tips on how to “play green.” It also gives valuable advice on how to green-up your tailgate party (use eco-friendly charcoal), your workout (use only one towel) or your studying (don’t take notes … kidding).

The event includes a host of activities with the word “eco” followed by various nouns: an eco art show, an eco-fashion show and seminars on stuff like making your dorm more eco-friendly. And if you’re feeling eco-nomical, there’s gonna be lots of “green eats” samples from places like Ben & Jerry’s, Extreme Pizza and Saul’s Deli. Get free goods while being a good person—everybody wins!

Image Source: Sunset Chaser under Creative Commons
PLAYgreen Festival [Website]

Thinking about grad school, young grasshopper? We hope you’re ready for a test with such obscure words that even an English major bursts into tears. And, well, if you’re not, we do have a few tips for a free way to study for that behemoth test.

Expand Your Vocabulary
Play the definition game over at Free Rice and supposedly donate some rice to needy people. All that matters is that you know the meaning of lollygag.

Get Your Practice Sets Scored
Number 2 will whip you into shape and make you jump through math and verbal hoops. After taking each set (a total of eight), the site will rank you against the rest of their users and smack a percentile on your performance. Plus, the site will even send you encouraging e-mails to study up the wazoo.

Borrow Books
Hell, steal them from your older friend if you have to. Cozy up to someone who already has a book. Even libraries can be your friend with various test prep books on loan. Plus, you’ll be saving trees. Right?

Find a Community
The LJ community “So you wanna go to grad school?” will not only help you find people with like-minded crises, but you can also ask around for some GRE insight. Compare your scores, talk about the best prep books or ask around for other great online resources.

Here’s to a splendiferous performance on the GRE!

Image Source: half pint in nyc under Creative Commons
Earlier: Not Be Depressed

First, the Sushi Social at Alumni House on Tuesday. Boasting both sushi and socializing, but delivering neither. OK, so we got there 40 minutes late because we had class, but this was no excuse for the decimated trays and the awkward remnants of mingling that ensued. The fallout from a sushi war, the dismembered and indistinguishable remains of fish parts didn’t resemble even a distant relative of sushi and the five or so people in a cluster in the corner didn’t quite constitute socializing. It looked like everyone else had the same reaction to free eats: get in, feign interest, get sushi, get out.

The Dance and Casino night on Thursday, probably the largest (and most generous) of the Homecoming events kept it classy with endless platters of various breads and cheeses, but because of “funding issues,” only one iPod shuffle (come on, not even a full-sized iPod?) was given away, along with other prizes conveniently wrapped up in cellophane. We asked them what was inside but they claimed not to know, leaving us to wonder whether the prize was just the cellophane itself. After racking up almost $10,000 in faux dough and some glory at the Blackjack table, we were forced to stay the entire duration of the event in order to collect our prize at the drawing. Four hours later, we walked away iPod-less, despite putting over 10 grand in tickets all into the iPod drawing box. At least we got to spend some quality time reliving our high school days on the dance floor (ah, the days of the high school formal, how we don’t miss thee).

We should have known the Fenton’s ice cream giveaway on Friday, which promised “gallons and gallons of free ice cream” to be given away, was too good to be true. Picturing ourselves carrying away gallons of various flavors of ice cream and wondering how we’d refrigerate them, we were shocked find that the reward for waiting in the 20 or so minute line wrapping almost all the way to Doe library was a teensy plastic cup of ice cream, about the size of those sample cups at Yogurt Park. Apparently the gallons were to be distributed amongst a bazillion plastic cups. Right. Not willing to wait this long in line even for Space Mountain, we turned to the free coffee table nearby for consolation. Cup in hand, we were sternly told that the beverages were only for Alumni. Oh yeah, that’s why we have Homecoming.

Guess we’ll have to wait a few more years for that cup of coffee. And so concluded a less than impressive week of giveaways. We’re guessing the economy’s probably behind this somehow. Well, at least the old people, er, Alumni, had fun, we hope.

Image Source: Mc-Q under Creative Commons

The Tilden Regional Park has reopened its carousel after 8 months of renovation. Free rides will be offered to first 500 riders during local festivities on Oct. 4 [Contra Costa Times]

Officials discover car in Berkeley believed to be driven by murder suspects of 22-year-old Fairfield Councilman Matt Garcia. Arrests have been made, but police are still searching for 32-year-old suspect Henry Don Williams. [Mercury News]

UC Berkeley scientists set their sights to the sky and discovered a mysterious light source. For 3 months the light got brighter and brighter until it was 120 times its luminosity at the time of its discovery. The light remains unidentified; scientists hope someone else might help to “shed some light on it.” [Fox]

Earlier: The News in Our Shorts

The same probably can’t be said about the movie itself. Rotten Tomatoes slapped “21″ with a score of 32%, and Metacritic isn’t too forgiving either. Nevertheless, Shattuck Cinemas is showing a free screening of the movie tonight at 8 p.m. Who can argue with free?

Doors open at 7:30 p.m. The theater won’t require passes, but keep in mind it’s first come first serve.

Image Source: Movie Critic under Public Domain
21 Movie Reviews, Pictures [Rotten Tomatoes]
21 (2008): Reviews [Metacritic]