Oh, Mark Yudof. You are not having a good year. First all the problems with the UC system, and now this. A cemetery in your own backyard.

Yes, you read that correctly. After the long conference about the California public education crisis, a crowd of protesters were so riled up that they journeyed all the way to Yudof’s Oakland Hills home and built a “mock cemetery” on the hillside.

Why a cemetery? Well, you know, it’s “in keeping with Yudof’s recent comparison of the university to a cemetery.” In case you’ve forgotten, in an interview with the New York Times, Yudof said, “being president of the University of California is like being manager of a cemetery: there are many people under you, but no one is listening. I listen to them.”

This (unclear) comment raised the collective hackles of the people. Well, that and the fact that the UC system pays $10,000 a month for Yudof’s rent during a budget crisis.

So the protesters did what anyone would do: they went to Yudof’s house and built a cemetery. Out of paper.

This protest is in dire need of a rousing chant. How about: What do we want? To freak out Mark Yudof with an obscure reference. When do we want it? Halloween-time seems appropriate.

And well, what about it, university officials? Are you good and scared now? We wouldn’t be. Nothing can match the collective college student fear of the budget cuts. In comparison, every other fear is just our little brother lurking in the hallway with a flashlight and some red corn syrup.

Partisan position: Protestors give UC president a cemetery [Berkeley Daily Planet]
Image source: kkimpel under Creative Commons

But male bats know. Just like with us homo sapiens (at least in porn), it’s common courtesy to go down, or up, as it may be with bats (how would that work hanging upside down?) before having sex, according to a new study in the journal PLoS ONE.

But unlike with us, it’s not all about pleasure. Oral sex in fruit bats may increase the chances of fertilization, kill bacteria on the penis or protect both parties from sexually transmitted diseases. We bet last last one would get a lot more girls to give head if it was true of humans as well.

It also helps the male last longer: “A positive relationship exists between the length of time that the female licked the male’s penis during copulation and the duration of copulation.”

Here’s the part where we try to work this into a Halloween theme. So this information is pretty creepy right? And we talked about bats. Well, we tried.

Image Source: Kyle Kesselring under Creative Commons
NSFW Science: Fruit Bat Fellatio [BoingBoing]
Earlier: Germans Offer to Pay More Taxes

Berg Injury Lawyers have made a special Halloween offer to the Bay Area they may soon live to regret: free “Safe and Sober” cab rides. From 10 p.m. on Oct. 31 to 4 a.m. on Nov. 1, you and your drunk, promiscuously dressed friends can be anywhere from North Berkeley to Daly City and still have a way home.

For a free cab ride in Alameda, Oakland, or Berkeley, call Veterans Cab at (800) 281-4488. If you’re stranded within the city limits of San Francisco, call Luxor Cab at (415) 282-4141. In either case, be sure to mention that Berg Injury Lawyers is paying for your ride.

We’re not sure how this will all pan out considering the indefinite closure of the Bay Bridge. But hey, if a five-thousand-pound piece of steel can fall off of a bridge that underwent earthquake retrofits not six weeks ago, anything can happen.

Image Source: Ebenezer under Creative Commons
Free Cab Rides Home On Halloween Night SF|East Bay [funcheapSF]

“Halloween in the Castro,” an event we hoped to be the provocative operatic resurgence of a San Francisco tradition gone awry, has been officially canceled.

The SFPD’s public affairs office released the following statement:

There will be no City-sponsored venue in the Castro district for Halloween, Saturday, October 31. There will be no official entertainment provided and no street closures are planned.

The San Francisco Police Department will be enforcing a zero-tolerance policy regarding public drinking and any other criminal activity. Those violating laws prohibiting the consumption of alcohol in public will be subject to arrest.

Whatever, man. It’s cool. Just another reason to keep it spooo000ooo000ky on our side of the bay, Lawrence Hall style. And after the pagan babies call it a night, we can enter a costume contest judged by cougars a “Society of Single Professionals.” And then we can go to some lame house party and watch “Count Dracula” hit on “Slutty Downward Trajectory of the Economy.” And then we can dance like heathens. And after that, we can crawl home, fairy wings bent, makeup running, and bury our sorrows into the bag of fun-sized Kit-Kats intended for trick-or-treaters that never came.

Image Source: foundphotoslj under Creative Commons
Zombies, ghouls and ghosts have more life in them than Castro Halloween [SFGate]
Earlier: Halloween Roundup 2009: Scarier Than the Budget Crisis

If you think this whole Halloween business is just another excuse for college kids to look slutty and get wasted, then head out to the Lawrence Hall of Science for “An Out-of-This-World Halloween Party.” Take a ride in a spinning chair, or “make concoctions in the Martian’s Kitchen.” Or you know, you could always just drink. [Lawrence Hall of Science]

The various campus choral ensembles are putting on a Halloween show Friday, Oct. 30. We tried to think of what this would entail, but we couldn’t really think of any Halloween-themed music besides the “Nightmare Before Christmas” soundtrack (and that only counts as half, right?). [Events Calendar]

The Art House Gallery on Shattuck Ave. is hosting  A Hippie Halloween Costume & Dance Party in Berkeley.” The “in Berkeley” is a tad superfluous; we’re guessing “Hippie Halloween” parties don’t happen too many other places. Music will be provided by the San Francisco’s Summer of Love Revue (basically a group of impersonators of the original Summer of Love-era artists). 15 bucks at the door. [SF Gate]

And of course, there’s always San Francisco’s Exotic Erotic Ball, described as a “bizarre combination of a sexy Halloween party, Burlesque show, Lingerie party, Rock concert, Masquerade party, BDSM dungeon, Swingers party, Fetish ball, Porn convention and Costume party.” A bit pricey, but when you consider it’s really ten different events in one, it’s not too bad. [Site]

Still figuring out your Halloween plans? Instead of partying at the co-ops or trying to weasel some shame-tainted candy out of your neighbors by reliving your youth, change it up with a Halloween-themed concert. [The SFist]

With the university endowment down 30 percent, cookies are no longer being served at Harvard faculty meetings and students are now being denied a hot breakfast. Well, they may have raised our tuition, but at least they haven’t taken away our breakfast. [The New York Times]

A recent health inspection at Smart Alec’s found a few rat droppings near the cash registers, but don’t worry, they still have an ‘A.’ No biggie. [Daily Cal]

Earlier: We Left Our Heart in San Francisco

Haunted car on Bowditch Street, next to Crossroads

What was especially creepy was the real hand that placed the “fake” hand in the window as we were taking this picture. We then scurried away right quick. But we left with so many questions …

Image Source: Jill Cowan

*SFGate recommends the family-friendly fun going down at the Exploratorium, where they’re creeping out the kiddies with Science! Ooga booga! Oh, and for the perhaps morbidly unstable grown-ups, there will be an exhibition where you can lie in a coffin and attend a funeral … for yourself.

*Another list from SFGate brings on the genuinely scary with events from all over the bay area, ranging from haunted houses to spooky tours of notoriously haunted historic districts–like the Haight. Hippie hunt, anyone?

*The Berkeley Farmer’s Market is rolling out the pumpkins on Tuesday with its Halloween/Day of the Dead theme. Personally, we want to try the sacred Aztec hot chocolate beverage called “Champurrado.” Also, we love pie. Nom nom.

*Dorm-dwellers can get their community service on at All Hall-o-Ween, without missing a partying beat. Residence halls will be hosting li’l trick-or-treaters from neighborhoods where it might not be safe to go door-to-door on Thursday.

*For those who dig the co-op scene, inside sources say that the “Where the Wilde Things Are” party at Oscar Wilde House is the place to, well, go wild. Of course, you already knew that, though, right? If only we could be so hip.

*More hipness will most undoubtedly occur at all the concerts and clubs in San Francisco. Home for Halloween has a pretty comprehensive list, since apparently, it’s on the city to come up with suitable alternatives to the Castro.

*Incidentally, we’d like to highlight the fact that Eric Prydz will be at Ruby Skye. LOLz. YouTube him if you’re curious.

So did we leave anything, like, totally super-huge out? Let us know what your plans are!

Image Source: Lorika13 under Creative Commons

Here are a few tips:

Be Scrappy, Not Crappy

If you’ve accumulated crap around your dorm or apartment, consider wearing it. Costume Idea Zone suggests dressing up as a Chia pet (wrap thyself in duct tape sticky side out, and go for a roll down a freshly mown Faculty Glade), a melted snowman (drench thyself and carry around two sticks and a scarf) and static cling (wear random clothes, to which you pin dryer sheets, sock, and undies; for bonus points, make your hair stand on end). About.com also offers endless ideas spawned from a cardboard box or your sweat suit.

Tickle Your Fancy, Tickle Their Funny Bone

Everybody loves a good laugh. Popular costumes in the silly section tend to be giant, polyester puns (deviled egg and our favorite spudnik). This web site offers do-it-yourself “punny” getups. If “funny” of the more “disturbing” variety suits you, these costumes are right up your alley. At any rate, it seems as though Halloween costumes have evolved from scary to either funny or slutty. Of course, if you decide to show up as some sort of party laughing stock, don’t plan on taking any guys/girls home with you–the funny probably won’t take home the slutty.

Superheroes are Super Lame

Really now, costume parties nowadays look like the Justice League in a kaleidescope. If we see one more Superman or slutty woman Superman, we’re punching him in the face, and then boycotting Halloween. Seriously.

Use Halloween to Prove How Attractive You Actually Are…

…by dressing up as something monstrous, horrendous, and downright ugly. OK, fine, maybe you won’t be remembered in the best light for your costume, but at least you’ll prove to the cutie from lecture that showed up to the party that in comparison, you aren’t that bad looking in real life.

Creative = Sexy

Though it’s not in Halloween spirit to hog the attention in the room via the shortness of your skirt rather than the creativeness of your costume, if you’re going to dress sexy, at least be unique. We suggest sexy Osama Bin Laden, sexy Ronald McDonald or a sexy Rottweiler.

Whatever your plans for this Halloween season, we at the Clog wish you a fun and safe one.

Image Source: jrotunda85 under Creative Commons

Earlier: Monitor Your Online Disobedience

The bill states, ” … WHEREAS, one of the main missions of this year’s Senate is to both increase outreach for the ASUC as well as accessibility and transparency for ASUC Senate meetings … THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED, that the October 29th meeting of the ASUC Senate be declared the “Halloween Meeting” … ”

The bill goes on to encourage all ASUC senators and executives to “bring candy and food for guests and elected officials to ‘trick-or-treat’” and to come in costume. It also goes on to “condemn anyone who either votes against this bill or does not participate in the Halloween festivities as ‘depressing nihilistic party poopers.’”

Because the prospect of having members of the ASUC dressed as Sexy Firefighters and Sarah Palin hand us Tootsie Rolls and Jolly Ranchers totally outweighs the fact that we’d be at an ASUC meeting. (Eye roll.) We guess we’ll give them points for trying?

We suppose it should make things slightly more interesting for the people who’d have to attend anyway and we can certainly get behind any opportunity to use the phrase “nihilistic party poopers,” but the Clog thinks it’ll sit this one out–too much trick, not enough treat. Know what we mean?

Image Source: Thomas Hawk under Creative Commons
ASUC Senate Faces Stalemates [Daily Cal]
ASUC Documentation [ASUC Web site]