Remember the bizarre story about Stanford University reject, Azia Kim? She spent 8 months convincing everyone she was a student at the Palo Alto campus before being busted by their housing department last May. The incident sparked an online sensation among college kids nationwide–especially here at UC Berkeley. Many students even wondered if such brazen trickery occurs on our own campus. Fortunately, the Clog now has an answer: “Yes, it does occur. Kind of. Almost.”
Meet Kevin Hart, an offensive lineman from Nevada who told his hometown reporters that Jeff Tedford wanted him bad. To put it briefly, people didn’t believe it and eventually revealed Hart’s recruitment story to be a complete fabrication by Hart himself (though he initially said someone probably conned him.)
You may be tempted to call him the Azia Kim of Cal athletics, but his con only lasted a few days. To mention both impostors in the same breath would totally dishonor Kim’s impressive 8-month stint, especially since Hart’s plan was condemned to failure the moment he made the absurd claim.
read more »
Not content with Michael Moore and Barry Sanders, people representing the greedy state of Michigan (or rather the 
University of Michigan, but whatever) are trying to steal our man. That’s right. Those damned Mitten-Staters are clamoring for Tedford.One dastardly Michigan lover sent out a lengthy plea “in which he refers to Teddy as an ‘Ass-Kicking Savior”. Nerve-rackingly enough, the post got mentioned in Dan Shanoff’s super sports blog.Here’s our response to this foolishness:Dear Michigan,We understand that the past couple weeks have been, ahem, trying for you. You guys have suffered some really tough losses recently. We feel for ya. Really, we do.But that gives you no right. Not this early in the season, dammit. As your evil blog boy pointed out, Cal football had an extended period of suck. Did we start bitching and moaning for another coach after the second game? Well, actually, it’s hard to remember that far back because we’re currently distracted. “Watching the YouTube clip of the Appalachian State field goal block” can certainly divert one’s attention. But we probably didn’t pull a knee-jerk coach poach. And we’re damned sure that you shouldn’t.Besides, it’s most likely a lost cause. Ted’s happy here. He’s doesn’t have to do things like living inside an eviscerated caribou as a means of surviving February (that’s a common thing up there, right?). Life is good for our ass-kicking savior. We’re sure he enjoys the California weather. We’re confident he likes the cosmopolitan Bay Area scene. And yes, he probably loves losing to Pete “Gap catalogue model” Carroll every year. Oh wait. Never mind, scratch that last one.Anyway, Ted wants no part of your program or your region. In the unlikely event that he does depart for the icier pastures of Canada, Jr., it will only be indicative of early onset senility. Under those circumstances, the man shouldn’t be coaching or operating heavy machinery for that matter.Oh, and “according to Wikipedia,” (Or science—one of the two at least), a wolverine is a member of the weasel family. How fitting. And read this excerpt:bq. There is at least one published account of a 27-pound wolverine’s attempt to steal a kill from a much larger predator—namely, a black bear (adult males weighing 400 to 500 pounds). Unfortunately for the mustelid, the bear won what was ultimately a fatal contest, crushing the wolverine’s skull.That’s right, you contemptible, mustelids. Don’t think we won’t come up there and deliver a metaphorical skull crushing to your team. Yes, the game isn’t scheduled. But in a world where Appalachian State can beat a top 5 squad, crazy things are possible. Oh, what team did they best again? Eh, it’ll come to us. We can just watch that clip again. For now, hands off our man!Love,CalImage Source: Daily Cal
Hmm, a ram is a fearsome mascot in theory. Upon seeing that sweater-clad goofball of a creature waddling amid the jogging CSU players, we revised that assumption. Immediately. Let’s just hope that Cal became overconfident after spotting the pudgy Colorado State mascot and that’s why the team played a slop of a match. If that’s not the attribution for today’s “victory,” we have some issues here. Anyway, here are our very profound thoughts on a “slightly scary besting of a thoroughly unmemorable opponent”.
From now on “DeSean“ will be in the bold. He’s earned it, dammit. Sure, a little more receiving involvement would be nice. But, after yet another game-breaking play, bolding his name is the least the Clog can do. It’s like getting knighted … but lamer … a lot lamer.
Yo, Tedford. What say you to the idea of giving the ball to that “Jahvid guy” more often? On his 64 yard romp, the defenders looked more confused than the sprinting pre-game sheep. And yea, “game sheep” could be a good band name. A better name than say, “a flawed victory against an unranked opponent from a state school in the Rockies.”
Sick interception, Moye. You aren’t bold status quite yet, but that was a spectacular play.
So apparently it is possible to overthrow DeSean. It looked like Longshore had been practicing with a lead ball in pre game.
Though there were moments of defensive, um, competence, the secondary was fairly bad. For a team with an annual “Oh man, please let us beat USC” quest, that could be a huge concern. Oh wait, their QB is John David Booty. We might be in the clear.
Geez, we love DESEAN (sorry, got a little carried away there). Let’s leave it at that, before he files a restraining order.Image Source: Shamim Pakzad, Daily Cal
Last week, we mentioned that Athlon Sports was doing its annual preseason college football rankings, and that they were doing it countdown style.
Last week, Athlon previewed Cal’s chances for the upcoming season, ranking the Bears at No. 11. Well, today’s June 1 and Athlon says the No. 1 team in the land is (no shit) Southern Cal.
Of course USC is No. 1.
Hype is everything in college football and with almost everyone returning and that beat-down the Trojans gave to Big Blue (aka Michigan) in the Rose Bowl last year, all the pundits are now grovelling at Pete Carroll’s feet.
Even Fox Sports, via Scout.com, thinks USC is the best team.
But surprisingly, even though everyone in the country is loving the Golden Blur, DeSean Jackson, and that “electric” offense Tedford has, the Bears aren’t getting love from Fox Sports. Fox Sports actually ranks Cal at No. 15. Scout.com thinks the Bears are heading back to San Diego for their third Holiday Bowl appearance in four years.
Well, Scout, who’s going to the Rose Bowl, you ask? How about the Baby Bears of UCLA? Yeah, while everyone is building Cal up to be the one who can slay the USC dragon, Fox Sports and Scout think the Bruins are the better team.
How much better? The Southern Branch is ranked No. 7.
And then we notice the location of Fox Sports HQ—Los Angeles. We’ll just write those rankings off as L.A. bias.
But they also still love Oregon State, as the Beavs come in at No. 25. Why? Why does everyone love the Beavs?
Earlier: Let the Preseason College Football Rankings Begin, With Athlon Sports
Trojans continue to be a BCS mainstay [Athlon]
2007-2008 Early Bowl Projections [Scout]
Ridiculously Early 2008 BCS Projections [Scout]
Loading ...
