For a supposedly poor public school, Cal does tend to throw a lot of money around at athletics. Over $300 million went into the anticlimactic opening of the Memorial Stadium – an opening that featured a lazy Cal team that lost to an almost-as-pitiful Nevada team. Eight losses and two 40-point blowouts later, athletic director Sandy Barbour decided to rip up ex-head coach Jeff Tedford’s contract – despite the three years and almost $7 million remaining on it. And a little more than two weeks after the end of the teddy bear reign, Barbour has decided to throw the collective tuition of the entire freshman class at a new coach.
Who’s the new guy, you all ask? We guarantee you wouldn’t guess his name – Sonny Dykes. Let that sink in for just a second. The Chicago Bears famously claimed in 2007 that they couldn’t hope to win the Super Bowl with a coach named “Lovie” Smith, so you can imagine how the Cal football team is going to react to the announcement. Not that they’ll all be around to hear it – Keenan Allen, the best receiver in Cal history, declared that he’s bolting for the NFL when he heard the name.
On the bright side, the promising recruit Zach Kline will be taking over for his disappointing Zach counterpart at quarterback next season. And Dykes – he should really have a laugh track ready at his introductory press conference tomorrow – ran an offense at Louisiana Tech that averaged the same number of points that it took three games for Tedford’s gang to get.
Since the word on the street is that Chancellor-designate Dirks has shaved his trademark unibrow upon his appointment, maybe we might see Dykes pull off some of the same magic by tomorrow.
Image source: Westside Shooter under Creative Commons
Posted in: Sandbox
, Chicago Bears
, Jeff Tedford
, keenan allen
, Louisiana Tech
, Lovie Smith
, Memorial Stadium
, nicholas dirks
, Sandy Barbour
, Sonny Dykes
, Super Bowl
, The University of Nevada
, Zach Kline
, Zach Maynard
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Who doesn’t love Cal football? In addition to the brilliant athletes winning on the field, our football games feature a wide variety of really interesting fans. Here is a list of just five of those people:
The Enforcer doesn’t go to the football game for kicks and giggles. He has an important job to do: to make sure that no one is wearing red. Or sitting down. He spends the game not watching the game, but searching the aisles for violators of the Bear Code. Once he finds those people, he uses his peer pressure taser to shame the offending party into submission. He goes to bed each night knowing that football games are a little more school spirited as a result of his actions. To all the Enforcers out there, we salute you.
The Troll/Freshman/Schmuck/Attention Whore
The Enforcer’s nemesis, the Troll/Freshman/Schmuck/Attention Whore is a hallmark of stupidity and provocation. Something about not wearing red just seems incredibly difficult for this person. Or maybe he/she simply enjoys five thousand people screaming at them to not sit during the game. Either way, there’s always at least one at each game.
The Girl Who’s There Just For the Pictures
Now, this kind of behavior can be found in men, but a LOT more with women. You know the type. These ladies have no interest in football, but are there solely as an opportunity to flaunt their duck face. They take literally dozens of pictures. And then there’s the ridiculous amount of make-up. Poor Oskie. We would put her picture here, but that’s just what she wants.
The Guy Who Knows Everyone On The Team
Just to be clear, he doesn’t. He just acts like he does because he lives in a deluded world. You can catch him shouting congratulations to Keenan after a good run, or yelling his praise to Marc for a solid tackle. He probably even believes he’s on the team. He is easy to spot — just look for a douchebag.
The Angry Guy
This young man is passionate about football. How passionate? Blood boiling, spittle flying, arms flapping passionate. He spends the entire game coming up with new ways to curse the other team, which he hates more than anything else on the planet. Give this guy a wide berth every time the other team scores. Or he might punch you in the face.
Image source: Paul Keller, armisteadbooker, aye_shamus and chexed under Creative Commons.
Football season is back, mes amis, and since we just came off a rather magnificent win, the season is looking pretty good so far. The best news of all, however, is that you can get real-time updates on the game without leaving your house. That’s right, the Daily Cal sports wizards will be live blogging the Colorado game this Saturday Sept. 11 starting at 12:30.
According to the Facebook event, there are some questions to be answered. “How will the Bears fare against an actual FBS opponent? Does it even matter that Colorado’s joining the Pac-12? Ready to see what happens in Part II of the Keenan Allen Show?”
We’d like to say that the answers are: “we’ll win,” “no,” and “hell yeah!” but you’ll just have to tune in to the live blog to find out. You can also comment and participate in in-game polls while you’re reading. Just don’t forget the body paint — even if you’re alone in your room, it’s still very important.
Image source: John-Morgan under Creative Commons
Live Blog: Cal Football vs. Colorado [Facebook]