In the (approximate) words of President Barack Obama, “Yes it can!” Finally, the ASUC has come up with a bill that would both be actually worth considering and might pass without a shit-ton of useless squabbling. (Cross your fingers … )

Now. You may be wondering to yourself, “What, pray tell, could this magical bill be, that will be cool and awesome and will save the student body thousands of needlessly spent dollars?” The answer, friends, is a bill being drafted by Elections Council Chair Vinit Sukhija that would greatly reduce physical polling stations for the ASUC’s mightily expensive elections. Instead, students would vote –wait for it, wait for it –online.

Last year, only about 10 percent of the votes were cast in person at one of the 13 real, $3,000-a-pop polling stations. Call us crazy technology-worshipping radicals, but might we suggest getting rid of physical polling stations altogether? The strongest anticipated argument against the bill thus far is that voter turnout will suffer from decreased publicity.

But the whole process is already so inbred, and the general non-sign-wielding population cares so little about the elections that we sincerely doubt the mere sight of those polling stations really drummed up that much voter turnout. They’re pretty much just tables with laptops on them, anyway.

And as long-contested Finance Officer Alan Ni once said, “Having more money is always good … ” We couldn’t agree more.

Image Source: Caveman 92223 under Creative Commons
ASUC Considers Polling Station Reductions [Daily Cal]

Mark Yudof released a little love letter to the UC system this week. After reviewing his proposal to enlarge the role of the federal government in public education several times, we give you our reader’s digest version of his strategy:

1. Reward bleeding hearts. Gives Pell Grants to schools that “enroll the neediest students.” Payola: about $2.5 billion for university core operations.
2. Give more money to grad students. Supplements federal research awards to enhance and expand graduate programs. Requires a state or non-federal matching fund. Payola: $3 billion per year.
3. Force all UCs to fight in a Battle-to-the-Death cage match, last school standing wins a lot of money. Otherwise known as the “Race to the Top model”, this is a competition for federal funding based on “consistent enrollment of Pell recipients, additional institutional support for low and middle income families, targeted graduation rates and low loan default rates.” Potential Payola (if Darwin is on our side): $4.35 billion.
4. Funnel more money into humanities research with a competitive grant program. “Creative” state efforts to improve graduation rates rewarded with cash for the soft sciences and other disciplines often neglected by federal funding. Payola: $2.5 billion.
5. Rip off the “Build American Bonds Model”. Pension obligation bonds. Whatever that means. Payola: We’ll leave this one to the econ majors in the room.

All we can say is, if Yudof really is plotting a UC smackdown for cash grants, things are gonna get ugly.

Image Source: same_same under Creative Commons
“Exploring A New Role For Federal Government In Higher Education” [UCOP]

When you’re shattering a bottle of Mickey’s against the far wall of Cloyne Court’s courtyard this weekend (or any weekend!) keep in mind that this wall is shared by a now 5 million dollars more prestigious Goldman School of Public Policy. Richard and Rhoda, your names will remain in letters.

The extra funds will allow the Goldman School to grow and develop a more extensive international outreach as well as incorporate more science and information technology into the curriculum. And that’s how you keep up with the Joneses, or, in this case the John F. Kennedies and Woodrow Wilson’s over on the other coast.

Got to say, Goldman’s in good shape. With roughly half of its full time staff advising the president and applications up by 30 percent, this donation stands to elevate the G-school to a new level of prestige.

Image Source: Florence Chan under Creative Commons.
Goldman School to have greater impact, thanks to $5 million gift [News Centre]

If you’re pithy and in need of money, then boy do we have a humdinger of a scholarship for you!

Twitter is back, and it’s not just for celebrities anymore. It helped in Iran, and it can help fill your pockets. So what is this (apologies in advance for the unavoidable pun) “Tweet” deal?

Well, Twitter is giving out $14,014.00 in scholarships (presumably in an adorable homage to their own 140 character limit). First prize is $10000 big ones. What you have to do is quite simple: “In 140 characters or less, write a Tweet highlighting how we can use Twitter to improve the world.”

In layman’s terms, you have to boil a complex topic (making the world better) down to about thirty words. But come on, this stuff is mother’s milk for the average Tweeter.

So what are you waiting for, Berkeley Tweeters? Go out and win it! Get epigrammatic on their asses! Show the whole damn world just how concise, succinct, and laconic Bears can be!

We know you can do it. We have complete faith in your Tweets. As proof, we offer our own attempt at brevity:

Go Bears.

Image source: clevercupcakes under Creative Commons
The Twitter 140 Scholarship [College Scholarships.org]

Apparently some local networks have refused to air the above ad because it “promotes marijuana use,” but if that glassy-eyed robot lady really is an example of a “real marijuana user” then we must respectfully disagree. Also, we’re kind of in favor of anything that would help the state out of its massive budget pothole (get it? Get it?!).

And you have to admit 20,000 teachers’ salaries is a lot of teachers’ salaries. Maybe the state could, like, use the revenue it raises from taxing marijuana to pay people to teach kids not to smoke marijuana. Are we right? It’s FOOL-PROOF! Well, if the tax were high enough, anyway.

But seriously, taxing weed is something even the Governator has told us to consider, because people are buying it anyway. We might as well make some money off of the sales so California can do things like keep state parks open … only to be burnt down by hordes of pot-smoking hoodlums. Alas, the debate rages …

California Tax and Regulate Ad from 2009 [YouTube]
Local Stations Reject “Tax Pot” Ad [Eye on Blogs]

In a time of economic crisis that seems to permeate every fiber of everyone’s being, Berkeley has managed to win a quantum of solace (you’ll see how cheesy that was in a second, here), in the form of an $11 million grant from the National Institute of Standards and Technology to build a Center for Integrated Precision and Quantum Measurement. This center is planned for the basement of the new Campbell Hall, which will eventually take the place of the old Campbell Hall … which is still standing. Hm.

Anyway, Berkeley’s proposal proverbially drop-kicked the competition, beating out about 100 other applicants for the big Science bucks. Michael Crommie, Berkeley physics professor and the project’s main dude, told the Daily Cal that “The facility at Berkeley is targeting research in a bunch of delicate quantum measurements in the realm of physics … ” Ooh, that’s tender, brah. He also stated that another goal of the project is “to create a low-noise, high-stability facility.” Because, lord knows those physicists can get some major ragers going when particles start a-flyin’. The Clog approves.

Image Source: cayusa under Creative Commons
Technology Institute Awards UC Berkeley $11 Million Grant [Daily Cal]

With the UC Board of Regents threatening to cut enrollment without more funding from the state and a recent phenomenon of beginning sentences with “With the economy as it is … ” it seems that Berkeley thinks it’s finally time to tell us what everybody already knows: the economy is failing, nobody has any money and we’re all screwed. Surprise!

Looming state budget shortfalls, declining endowments and tuition increases, oh my! Sponsored by the American Academy of Arts and Sciences, a symposium will be held this Tuesday to discuss the economic fate of the UC system and do what Berkeley does best: hold open forums for discourse on important controversial topics. Hopefully, though, this one will actually help solve the problem and not just provide a safe space for letting off steam.

In attendance will be Chancellor Robert Birgeneau, Dean of the UC Berkeley School of Law, Christopher F. Edley, Jr., President of the UC, Mark Yudof and Berkeley Economics teacher and recently-named chair of the White House Council of Economic Advisers, Christina Romer. It’s gonna take a lot more than a metaphorical Band-Aid in the form of a symposium to heal this financial wound, but hey, it’s a start.

WHAT: Panel of UC and UCB professors and leaders to discuss the future of higher education and it’s current economic uh-oh’s, forum-style.

WHEN: Tuesday, Dec. 2, 2008, from 5:30 to 7 p.m.

WHERE: Pauley Ballroom

WHO: People who know stuff. (See above.)

Image Source: Rosemobile under Creative Commons
All-Star Panel of University Leaders to Discuss Future of Public Higher Education [UC Newsroom]

Now that you’ve rested from your five-hour wait in line for the new iPhone (followed a week later by your three-hour wait for the midnight showing of “The Dark Knight”), you’re wondering what to do with your janky, first-gen iPhone.

Sending it in to FreeiPhoneSwap is a possibility. They brag that by doing so, you get to be the greenest kid in town. We mean that in the environmental and the financial sense. But wait, hold the phone (bad pun)! The Times suggests that FreeiPhoneSwap may be profiting off of your phone by selling those babies to buyers like non-AT&T subscribers.

Hmm. Not a bad idea. We’re not tearing down FreeiPhoneSwap, we’re just suggesting that you maybe able to get rid of the middle man and add a little more heft to your piggy bank.

Image Source: edans under Creative Commons
There’s Lots of Money in Those Old iPhones [NY Times]

Basically, the site uses a complex algorithm that we could never hope to properly grasp called Eigentaste to match willing donors who don’t know where to donate their cash-monies with non-profit organizations based on the donors’ ratings of sample organizations and their descriptions.

For example, if you love guns, and you love shooting guns, you’ll probably rate the NRA highly, and based on how much money you’ve got, Donation Dashboard will create a Donation Portfolio for you, and will also inform you of other organizations you might be interested in. Incidentally, the algorithm, Eigentaste, was originally used for the joke recommendation system/engineers’ April Fool’s Day celebration, Jester.

It’s really very simple, and the algorithm works better as more people use the site! So now there’s no excuse for all you guilt-riddled capitalists out there not to donate your vast amounts of money to “good causes” that would ultimately benefit your world vision, anyway. We smell a Facebook application …

Donation Dashboard 1.0 [Website]
Earlier: How to: Make Your Memorial Day Weekend … Memorable

* $33 million to hire Rudy Giuliani as a consultant to work on ways to strengthen the Memorial Stadium fence.

* $14 million in emergency spending to help Beetle fight his crippling addiction to caring about the ASUC.

* $23 million to buy Jeff Tedford a solid-gold golf cart to ride around on during football games.

* $100 billion to take over the world. OK, so we’re a little short. – according to Christine