shorts11-235x30011In Iran, there are some serious jerks in high places and some of those jerks just decided to sentence the two UC Berkeley alum hikers to eight years in prison. Not chill! [Daily Cal]

But now on to the real news. And no, we’re not talking about the EPIC Apple Store opening either. So what’s bigger than those stories, you ask? How about a cat on a leash spotted in Berkeley! OMG! [Berkeley Patch]

But wait, there’s more incredible news! Caltopia was expected to bring people in by the thousands! Double OMG! And did you know that it is “one of the nation’s largest experiential college lifestyle festivals?” Go Bears! [NBC Bay Area]

Bummed about the beginning of the fall semester? Well wait till you leave campus before you drown your sorrows in an open container of alcohol. The police are on the look out for underage drinking, open containers and other alcohol-related offenses. [Mercury News]

Or better yet, head on over to the Bear’s Lair since it’s reopening under new management. And yes, “Beat the Clock” will continue. [Daily Cal]

Earlier: The “Science Is Effing Crazy” Edition


shorts11-235x30011The second of two probes built by UC Berkeley as part of a mission to study the moon in 3-D is scheduled to drop into orbit this Sunday. In addition to being awesome, the project is relatively green, as it is “reusing existing spacecraft to save a lot of taxpayer money.” How considerate. [News Center]

Meanwhile, back on Planet Earth, researchers at Lawrence Berkeley National Lab have resuscitated a 123-year-old singing doll … which ranks among one of the creepiest things we’ve heard of late. [Alameda Patch]

Berkeley scientists have also determined that gray whales changed their diet in order to adapt to “extreme environmental conditions” … which ranks among one of the most obvious things we’ve heard of late. [Daily Cal]

On another note entirely, Ju Hong, one of our student senators-elect, was arrested at an immigration rally in San Bernardino on Tuesday. He and six other students were released early this morning. [Daily Cal]

Earlier: Be Very Afraid


shorts11-235x30011The only thing we have to fear is fear itself … and the neurons responsible for making it haunt us forever. [Health Canal]

College drop-outs are running our state. And this is surprising how, exactly? [California Watch]

A grad student at Boalt has announced his plan to run for the U.S. Congress. At least he finished his bachelor’s … [India West]

Berkeley police will be participating in the Northern California Law Enforcement Torch Run in support of this year’s Special Olympics. Check ‘em out on June 21. [Berkeley Patch]

Earlier: Social Conservatism FTW


shorts11-235x3001Best way to celebrate our sudden influx of warm weather: dreaded return to academic grind? Right. Try PFA’s screening of many shorts–not to be confused with our own informative pantaloons. [UC Berkeley Events]

When there’s something strange in the neighborhood, who YOU gonna call? Um, the twofer that is Berkeley’s campus-city ultimate crime-fighting combo. Obvi. [Mercury News]

Lawrence Berkeley National Lab’s ongoing research in the strife-ridden Gulf points to a quick-moving clean-up that may or may not be taking place as the handiwork of a very small, surprising source. [Wall Street Journal]

Lynne Cheney thinks we suck. [Huffington Post]

Earlier: Many Boo-Boos


Wuuuut?!SQUELCH! announces its executive slate, which is full of familiar, self-proclaimedly intoxicated (Cough, Sarah Jeong at the elections forum last year, cough) faces. [Daily Cal]

We might also have forgotten to post  Student Action’s slate. Sorry about that. The only really exciting thing you missed is that the EAVP candidate’s name is Bundit Kertbundit. “Bundit like Beckham,” anyone? How about “Bundit the pundit”? [Daily Cal]

Yes, Berkeley’s takeover of Washington, department by department, is going perfectly according to plan. Muahaha. Uh … we mean, congrats Haas professor emeritus, Janet Yellen!  [NY Times]

Berkeley allows mixed-gender dorm rooms? Hm. News to us. Although, if it’s allowed at any schools, we’re somehow unsurprised that ours is one of them. [LA Times], via Jezebel

Earlier: What Do Yoo and Redwoods Have in Common?


shorts11-235x300John Yoo’s super-secret seminar just got a little less secret. [New York Times]

“But at this time of financial crisis, the UC is forging ahead with its plan to borrow $320 million to renovate the aging Memorial Stadium for the football team.” [California Watch]

There’s a lack of fog in Northern California lately, and the redwood trees are getting stressed out. [New York Times]

Facebook is now the number two most visited site on the internet, watch out Google! [San Francisco Business Times]

Race and schools: the battle races on. [New York Times]

Earlier: Yoo-reka! And Stuff


Newsies!Organize protests as fast as you can. Yoo can’t catch Yoo. He’s the gingerbread man.  [The Bay Area]

OK, we take that back. This Berkeley mom could probably catch him. Too bad she’s busy being a badass on behalf of her daughter. [SJ Mercury News]

El Presidente presented over 100 young scientists with Presidential Early Career Awards for Scientists and Engineers today at the White House. Being the narcissists interested and spirited students that we are, we counted one win for UC Berkeley and two for Lawrence  Berkeley National Laboratory. [Press Release]

Aaand, Prop 8 trial updates out the wazoo. (Obviously.) [SF Appeal, NYT, Chron]

Earlier: They’re Not Gonna Take It


shorts11-235x300Out of context, a plethora of wire coat hangers manifesting in the Congressional mailroom might just seem confusing. But given the anti-abortion amendment currently under consideration in this week’s version of the health care bill, the innocuous objects, courtesy of Berkeley City Council, sent their message loud and clear. [SF Gate]

Not to single anyone out or anything, but on the subject of a certain “type of terrorism” that went down on Friday, we have this to say: here’s a feel-good story about a group of people who truly had something to complain about. Believe us: We could not be any less sarcastic … Just hoping to offer some of you a little perspective. [MercuryNews]

And, on that note, be glad you’re not about to go on trial for allegedly trespassing in Iran. In an anomalous bout of Cloggy optimism, we’ll be keeping our fingers crossed for a reasonable ruling—i.e., one that sends the hikers home, for crying out loud. [BayNewser]

Earlier: The Rain Doth Fall on Our Parade


shorts11-235x300To start off our slew of rather unfortunate news, panelists at a symposium in UC Berkeley’s Alumni House talked turkey vis-à-vis California’s future high-speed rail—and their timbre was less than optimistic. [Innovations]

There is, according to one Berkeley economist, a five percent chance that the U.S. will experience a “depression-causing shock.” We’d be interested to see the breakdown in his math. [Seattle Times]

Want to know the alleged (and disturbing) connection between flu shots, mercury and autism? Enlighten yourself at a Nov. 21 symposium at the UC Berkeley Art Museum Theater. Oh, except it’s 60 bucks. So maybe just Google Dr. Andy Wakefield. [PRLog]

And, in conclusion, a pithy affirmation of all your chronic concerns. [http://iscaliforniaonfire.com]

Earlier: Save Our Budget, Lose the Professors


shorts11-235x300The Beavers really slaughtered the Bears in this week’s game against Oregon State, but tailback Jahvid Best almost made it literal with his “serious concussion” he received after landing hard on the back of his head and neck. We wish you the best, Mr. Best. [Daily Cal]

You know what would really help solve this budget crisis: just getting rid of the professors. Don’t get something? Just press the “I don’t understand” button on your chair. [New York Times]

There’s a lot of Shakespeare going on in Berkeley, folks. Check out the BareStage production of “Othello” or The Globe Theatre’s production of “Love’s Labour’s Lost” at Zellerbach. The Clog has seen both and we can vouch that both are excellent. [Cal Performances]

If, for some reason, you have the mid-fall urge to go ice skating, then too bad. Just kidding—you can head over to the Embarcadero rink or the Safeway Rink in Union Square in SF to get your skate on. [7x7]

Earlier: Twitter Bitterness Never Gets Old


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