Ah, a classic tale of westward expansion.  Once there was a grocery store. Nay, it wasn’t merely a grocery store. It was a veritable produce orgy. It was an Eden of obscure comestibles, packed side by side into aisles upon upon aisles of deliciousness.  It seemed to be a foodie’s paradise on Earth–and all right here in Berkeley on Oregon Street.

But this promise land–this bastion of food purity, this oasis of organic in a world rapidly transforming into a desert of Safeways and Albertson’s–soon became a battle ground. The parking lot was a Prius jousting arena, the once-peaceful aisles harbored fugitives of the increasingly strict fruit-groping law and Slow Food proponents were all too quick to turn their carts on one another. Things had to change.

And so a plan was born. In the tradition of all great empires, Berkeley Bowl has conquered more land and–after fending off the attacks of neighboring citizens–will be opening a second location a bit west of San Pablo Avenue on June 4. It will be called “Berkeley Bowl West.” Upon hearing the news of their imminent journey, kumquats and Easter Egg radishes rejoiced with cries of  “Westward, ho!” as organic haricots verts do-si-do’d with pomelos in anticipation. And all was, again, right in the world.

Image Source: nautical2k under Creative Commons
Berkeley Bowl West Opening June 4th Despite Neighbors’ Protest [SFist]

Next time you feel up your fruit at Berkeley Bowl, think twice before going to second base with your cherry tomato.

Raphael Breines was nabbed in the Berkeley Bowl parking lot — a.k.a. “Berkeley Brawl” for its infamous tales of Bowl-shopper brutes and automobile savagery — by premise security. He was apparently caught taste-testing in the apricot section on Berkeley Bowl security cameras. The man couldn’t doggone choose between two breeds of apricots, and now must face the consequences: banned from the Bowl for life.

He isn’t the only one facing excommunication from produce heaven, either. John Glionna of the LA Times wrote a colorful article depicting atrocities more notable than sticky hands and sticky fingers committed amongst Berkeley Bowl shoppers. Owner Glenn Yasuda promptly banned Glionna yesterday, within a day of the newspaper running Glionna’s column. We suppose Freedom of the Press has its limits.

At least they’re fair. Glionna writes,

Store manager Larry Evans says the policy is a fair response to doctors, lawyers and college professors who help themselves to bags of cookies, nuts and vitamins, stick their fingers in pies and guzzle from bottles of sake, assuming the rules don’t apply to them.

“There’s a sense of entitlement to this town,” Evans said. “People think, ‘If I want to do it, I’ll do it, just try and stop me.’”

Eerie. Where does that phrase sound familiar? On Sproul Plaza during the Free Speech Movement? At the war zone in front of the Berkeley U.S. Marine recruiting office? From a crazed bum urinating on a church alleyway? Dumpster Muffin?

Of course, “try and stop me” is just a theoretical quote. We are a professional environment at the Clog would much rather deal with legit sources and from-your-mouth quotes. Here’s one: In describing his early morning wholesale market ventures and his pride for top-quality produce, Yasuda claims that “Before you buy anything, you have to smell it, taste it.”

Sorry Breines, guess such a privilege isn’t open to everyone.

Image Source: estro under Creative Commons
At Berkeley Bowl, the nuts are off the shelf [LA Times]