Classes begin next Wednesday but the Daily Cal’s fall production schedule starts next Monday (as in three days from now). Now you’ll be able to enjoy the best of sudoku, crosswords and Sex on Tuesday twice as much as during the summer—except for SoT, because everybody knows there is no Tuesday over the summer. Oh yeah, there’s also news and sports and stuff.

Image Source: Genista under Creative Commons

Be sure to pick up your copy of the Daily Cal today for a steaming hot pile of sex. That’s right, today marks the sex special issue, this time with a political slant. Just in time for Valentine’s Day so you can get your freak on.

We recommend checking out:

* Good Vibes weathering the economy
* FemSex’s longevity
* how to avoid Bush-isms in the sack
* the nexus of low cash and dating
* green sex toys (Let it be known that we did pen this one ourselves. We are shameless!)

Also related, the Daily Cal has launched a new sex blog in honor of its longest-running and most popular column. Well, that’ll drive the traffic. Man, it’s as if the world is telling you to go out and bone.

Image Source: Anna Hiatt, Daily Cal
Sex Issue [Daily Cal]
Sex on Tuesday Blog [Daily Cal]

We are: the guy or girl who posted the “erotic services” ad, without a phone or valid credit card number. You are: Craigslist, the web site that allowed us to do it and reach our customer base. Now you won’t post our ads and also, you’ve entered into an agreement with attorneys general from 40 states in which you promised to sue some companies that have been helping us get around … the law. And you’re going to start handing over information to the fuzz. WTF? We thought we had a connection!

Oh, and now you’re also taking steps to help reduce human trafficking and find missing children? Thanks, but we’re looking for someone with a little more edge to fulfill our needs.

(P.S. In a presumed blessing from the irony gods, right below this article on the CBS5 site, the link in the “From Our Partners” box reads “Careers: Find a job in San Francisco.” Um, you’re welcome.)

(P.P.S. This week’s other sign of the apocalypse. No, we’re still not over it. )

Image Source: InfoMofo under Creative Commons
Craigslist to Crack Down on Prostitution Ads [CBS5], via SFist
Earlier: Candidates’ Effigies Butchered, Hanged

April Isabel Angeles: Did you have one gigantic, climactic epitome that led you to apply for this – shall we say – position?
Kristine deGuzman: I wouldn’t say it was one gigantic climax, it was more like a gradual, yet pleasurable build-up…you know, as most female G-spot orgasms are.

AIA: Speaking of which, what is your favorite position? Feel free to interpret this question as it pleases you.
KD: Hmm, good question. I like being on top, on bottom, and sometimes bent over. Feel free to interpret this answer as it pleases you.

AIA: Do you have a target audience in mind when you write your columns?
KD: Yeah, I normally write for people who either have sex, would like to have sex, will eventually have sex, are thinking about having sex, or who just think about sex.

AIA: How do you feel about sharing all your tips and tricks to readers?
KD: It gets me off.

AIA: How sexy is Wikipedia, I mean, really?
KD: I normally find porn more sexy, but I can see how Wikipedia’s clean interface and easy to use search engine might be arousing to some people.

AIA: Do you have any press rights to the Britney Spears sex tape?
KD: If I did, I wouldn’t be doing this interview, because I would either be too busy a) selling it or b) watching it. But for Britney’s sake (and mental health), I hope her ex-loser-paparazzo-boyfriend is just trying to buy himself a few more minutes of fame.

AIA: In your professional opinion, was Justin successful in bringing sexy back? Or does he just have a sexy back?
KD: In my professional opinion, eh? I’d have to say that he just has a sexy back, because Brad Pitt’s abs were still hanging around long before Justin allegedly brought “sexy” back.

AIA: Do you think Oski reads the Sex on Tuesday column?
KD: Well, I would hope so. And I hope he does so bare (ha ha, awful pun, I know, I know).

AIA: In how many languages can you say ’sex’?
KD: As of five seconds ago, three: Sex, Le sexe, and el sexo.

Thanks for the interview, Kristine. By the way, your “dirty talk” podcast is such a tease.

Sex on Tuesday: Talk the Talk (In Bed) [Daily Cal]

What started out in 1978 as a purely one-campus phenomenon exploded into a nationwide excuse for people to discuss “doin’ it” for a whole seven days. Now, schools and other organizations take National Condom Week as a serious cue to educate young’uns about the evils of unsafe sex–like STDs and, obviously, pregnancy. (Remember that scene in “Mean Girls?” Yeah, kind of like that.) In spite of some of the potential heaviness, there’s at least one major perk (ha) with this whole thing. Planned Parenthoods in the area are giving away free condoms in honor of the occasion. And, if you want to get really into it, you can even go to their website to take the Condom Quiz! We know we learned things we never knew we never knew.

So, in conclusion, what we’re trying to say is that National Condom Week is just another reason you should have school spirit. Now take some rubbers.

Image: Darkone under Creative Commons
National Condom Week [Website]
Planned Parenthood Golden Gate [Website]

This mathematician proved–after 15 years of study–that someone has been lying. The numbers aren’t adding up.

Heterosexual men and women, because they are each other’s partners, must average out to having sex the same amount of times. We’re surprised!

Surprised it took 15 years to figure out this doozy.

The Daily Cal quotes Professor Gale as saying:

bq. It’s really common-sense arithmetic because you are counting the number of partners for each gender and the number has to be equal.

But of course the frequency of sex evens out. You have to have the push to match the pull, an equal and opposite reaction, right? It makes sense.

It made sense even before this study. Kinda sad, really, that this made news.

We here at the Clog, however, ask the tough questions and strive to dig deeper. What of mixed-gender threesomes? Orgies? When you mix homosexuality into the pot, what do you get?

And, yes, what is a “sexual partner?” The DC notes that in adding up the numbers, “men may include a brief sexual encounter while women may not count a similar event.”

Please, let’s see the math on that.

15 Years of Doing the Math on Sex [Daily Cal]

* Jeffrey Doker. Three agree you’re hot, and two say that’s not right. Never you mind that. We hear you’re “super awesome at limbo!!!” and that’s all that matters in life.
* Daniel Nemser. We wish we could find you on Facebook. Allow the illict student-GSI relationship to develop, man!
* Emily Crane
* Jonny Morris
* David Okawa, with two aye votes. Menage a trois, anyone?
* Melissa Etzler, you get double the love too.
* Zan Stine
* Maxim of Math 16B
* Zach R. of Psych 122. We think this might be you. Your students (two again) must appreciate your–ahem–teaching abilities.
* Peter Liska. We’re not sure if we found you on Facebook, but damn it, we’re going to try.
* “Micheal from Phil 25B.”
* David Trease
* Peter Battaglino, you’re “adorable.” Oh, “and a good GSI. <3.”
* Randall Smit

We still think that using AnonCon to announce GSI crushes is pretty lame, but at least it makes for good Facebook stalking. Research. We mean research.

One GSI remarked on being asked out through email. “It made me really uncomfortable,” he/she said. So stop being creepy. Do it in person.

Also, completely unrelated, someone very excited would like to remind you that there will be “NAKED STREAKING IN THE LIBRARY ON MONDAY NIGHT (tuesday morning) AT MIDNIGHT MOTHERFUCKERS.” Punctuality appreciated. Punctuation not included.

UC Berkeley Community – Anonymous Confessions [LiveJournal]

But now’s it’s up and running (finally) and we just couldn’t wait to see all the sexy things happening in these confessions. Truly, the Anoncon is a way to bring sexy back, or just let the timid college students be all that they can be.

Sure, Craigslist is an awesome source for those looking for someone to get down with, but why do that when you can read about horny college students and their not-so-wholesome college lives?

We know that people do more than study and run naked through the Main Stacks. This proves our point:

bq. i will be masturbating in the main stacks tomorrow.

Awesome, tell us when and where and maybe we’ll be there. Not. Just don’t jizz all over the books, okay?

The AnonCon also gives us great philosophical debates, like this one:

bq. I ration out that I can’t be wiping my ass horribly wrong, because people still suck my gentials. If I smelled like shit, I don’t think people would suck on my genitals repeatedly, unless they were into that.

bq. I’d really like to know whether other people manually spread their cheeks to wipe their ass. Additionally, does it take people so many wipes that their ass gets sore?

We’re going to gander five. Don’t ask us why or how we know.

Of course, the best part of the AnonCon is reading all the little schoolgirl crushes that students have on their professors. Get over it. Sure they’re hot, but really, will you ever have a chance with your prof?

These particular confessions are about English professor Kent Puckett:

bq. I do notice that he says “right” about seventy times during lecture and that his darker corduroys have a hole in the backpocket where his wallet pokes through and once he bent down to get something and I saw his tightie-whities.

bq. does anyone else notice how he always seems to feel the need to briefly rest his hand between his neck and his shoulder at the beginning of an office hour conversation? Sometimes he’ll slip his hand inside the collar of his shirt to do this, sometimes he won’t.

Ahh, there’s nothing about daydreaming about hot professors, unless you somehow find a way to get laid through the AnonCon.

bq. I’m one of those girls in your Humanities classes, always chewing on her pen and writing in the margin of her notebook. And usually I’m writing about my day, or his hands, but sometimes I’m writing about the silly thing I want someone (him, especially, but there’s the whole unrequited crush thing) to do to me, a stupid fantasy but it’s true: just write all over me in blue ink, Donne’s “The Sunne Rising” or just I want over and over, and then follow the words with his mouth.

Oh, you sawcy pedantique wretch!

But here’s the bottom line:

bq. have sex with me, berkeleydotedu@gmail
please?

Let’s get it on.

Earlier: Casual Fridays: Getting Dirty the Sanitary Way

Reported today in the Jerusalem Post, Orvit Avishai, a UC Berkeley sociology graduate student, and Mark Guterman, a doctoral candidate in psychology at an unnamed institution, have put together an online survey of about 50 questions ranging from Mikvah habits to anal sex.

Beyond just finding out how many Chosen People stick it in the stink, the research has the potential to be pretty interesting in its exploration of Orthodox and observant Jews’ relationship to sex and the religion’s laws on the subject.

Guterman got the idea for the study after some preliminary research in Staten Island discovered that some Orthodox Jews don’t adhere to some of the sex laws. We know, that’s quite the shocker.

Seriously, who knew that religious people boned without regard to regulation?