Would this face ever download child porn?!

After discovering the latest omen of the world’s coming demise, the Clog encourages Berkeley students to put down their books and enjoy their short-lived time on Earth.

So you’ve heard of the “Twinkie Defense,” right? Well, the universe may have just one-upped itself by producing the “Kitty Porn Defense.” (OK, so we made that up just now, but someone was probably thinking it … )

Griffin, a sick, sick fellow from Jensen Beach, Fla. blamed 10 counts’ worth of downloaded child pornography on his poor, presumably innocent cat, who he says jumped on the keyboard while he was downloading music. Thus far, he hasn’t had much luck with that one, as he’s being held in jail–but still. Come on now, people. Leave the pets out of it.

Image Source: dougwoods under Creative Commons
Fla. man blames cat paws for child porn downloads [SFGate]
Earlier: Robots Won’t Eat You, Company Clarifies


robotAfter discovering the latest omen of the world’s coming demise, the Clog encourages Berkeley students to put down their books and enjoy their short-lived time on Earth.

A Florida-based technology company put forth a press release on Friday in which they felt the need to clarify that a forthcoming robot will not, in fact, feed on human flesh.

Now, the disturbing part here is not that the robot will in fact, be vegetarian, but the speculation or assumption that it might have been otherwise. Haven’t we watched enough sci-fi movies to learn that any innovation involving flesh-eating robots will not end well for us, havers-of-flesh?

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Code 46 video

After discovering the latest omen of the world’s coming demise, the Clog encourages Berkeley students to put down their books and enjoy their short-lived time on Earth. Major Payne film

Snakes are terrifying. Everyone knows it, including (especially?) Samuel L. Jackson. Up until this time, we had all assumed that organized takeovers by snakes were the stuff of cult horror films, but oh how mistaken we all were. A police department in Sierra Leone has been besieged by “as many as 400″ A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2: Freddy’s Revenge full

Ricochet film

Google Me buy of the creatures. And there is no end in sight.

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After discovering the latest omen of the world’s coming demise, the Clog encourages Berkeley students to put down their books and enjoy their short-lived time on Earth.

It doesn’t look like the battle between beast and brother will end anytime soon. This week’s special is a review of three separate incidents, the latest in an increasingly bizarre pseudo-conflict between humans and their furry fellows.

Here they are, presented in chronological order, for your consideration.

Monday, March 9

Reports come in of chimpanzee in Sweden who, tired of the flocks of annoying gawkers he saw staring at him every morning, stockpiled pebble ammunition at night to use the next morning—when you can’t speak English, throwing rocks is more than enough to read more »


ZOOOOOM
After discovering the latest omen of the world’s coming demise, the Clog encourages Berkeley students to put down their books and enjoy their short-lived time on earth.

We thought this kind of thing only happened in movies (or TV shows) but apparently we were wrong.

On Sunday, a prisoner in an Athenian jail escaped by helicopter … for the second time. read more »


After discovering the latest omen of the world’s coming demise, the Clog encourages Berkeley students to put down their books and enjoy their short-lived time on earth.

It may be karma or just bad luck, but after the last Sign of the Apocalypse, it looks like animals are getting payback.

Get this: Yesterday, a Stamford, Conn. woman was attacked and sustained pretty serious injuries from a chimpanzee with nearly Hulk-like strength and rage.

The chimp’s owner gave him tea laced with Xanax to no avail. After the first attack, the simian suffered several (not so) serious stab wounds, also with little effect. Finally, a police officer had to shoot him in self-defense after the chimpanzee opened the officer’s car door and cornered the man. read more »


After discovering the latest omen of the world’s coming demise, the Clog encourages Berkeley students to put down their books and enjoy their short-lived time on earth.

We know it goes without saying—and man do we hate people who say the obvious—but now every man, woman and child’s dream of living as a eunuch during China’s Qing dynasty can be fulfilled … virtually! It’s about time.

Beyond Space and Time” is a $3 million, 3 year project led by IBM that apparently faithfully represents ancient China—except for the part where anyone can walk anywhere without being executed.

Unfortunately, you won’t be able to fly (or run), much to the disappointment of Jet Li fans everywhere, we’re sure. But then how does one save the emperor and unite all of China by valiantly sacrificing oneself in a rain of arrows?

Who cares, as long as there’s virtual cricket fighting. Right? Right!

Image Source: stoicviking under Creative Commons
Visit China’s Forbidden City–as a virtual eunuch [Reuters]
Earlier: Tiny Terror Down Under


After discovering the latest omen of the world’s coming demise, the Clog encourages Berkeley students to put down their books and enjoy their short-lived time on earth.

Unfortunately, the title isn’t a reference to illegal, bootlegged copies of Chinese porn or anything like that. Instead, the Communist government notorious for Platonically enlightening its citizens by denying them access to terrabytes of information decided to give in to criticism and allow journalists access they didn’t have before. That’s more than we can say for our wireless connection, which annoyingly loves to cut out every 15 minutes or so. read more »


After discovering the latest omen of the world’s coming demise, the Clog encourages Berkeley students to put down their books and enjoy their short-lived time on earth.

A Brazilian boy fought back a dog that attacked him earlier this week, using the only method the dog knew—going for the neck. We can only hope the boy grows up to be a masked hero, defending citizens from the canine menace with the awesome power of his teeth.

On the other side of the globe, three kids were sentenced to over three years for holding up a jewelry store and stealing over $100,000 in shiny metallic stuff. Good thing they were caught, because we don’t think Bite Boy has the right stuff to be fighting crime in China. Yet.

Image Source: Squiggle under Creative Commons
Earlier: Fannie, Freddie and Failing Oil
Boy breaks canine tooth biting vicious dog [Reuters]
Three children jailed for armed holdup [Reuters]


After discovering the latest omen of the world’s coming demise, the Clog encourages Berkeley students to put down their books and enjoy their short-lived time on earth.

Recession

This Friday was particularly worrisome for the financial world as mortgage firms Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac faced problems on the scale of trillions of dollars. Combined, they manage about half the mortgage debt in the U.S.—that’s five trillion dollars. Allow us to repeat that: $5,000,000,000,000.

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