Posted by Patrici Flores on Friday, February 08, 2008 04:59 pm
Remember the bizarre story about Stanford University reject, Azia Kim? She spent 8 months convincing everyone she was a student at the Palo Alto campus before being busted by their housing department last May. The incident sparked an online sensation among college kids nationwide–especially here at UC Berkeley. Many students even wondered if such brazen trickery occurs on our own campus. Fortunately, the Clog now has an answer: “Yes, it does occur. Kind of. Almost.”
Meet Kevin Hart, an offensive lineman from Nevada who told his hometown reporters that Jeff Tedford wanted him bad. To put it briefly, people didn’t believe it and eventually revealed Hart’s recruitment story to be a complete fabrication by Hart himself (though he initially said someone probably conned him.)
You may be tempted to call him the Azia Kim of Cal athletics, but his con only lasted a few days. To mention both impostors in the same breath would totally dishonor Kim’s impressive 8-month stint, especially since Hart’s plan was condemned to failure the moment he made the absurd claim.
Posted by Ethan Strauss on Saturday, September 22, 2007 02:45 am
The Psychic Uber Wisdom
We’re acing at least half of these. This will go down in history as the most accurate football prognostications in the history of histories. The brilliance you witness here will sear your brain so badly that you’ll wax on nostalgically about the “Ayoob era.” Proceed with extreme caution:
The above YouTube clip will happen again. Only it will be less grainy when you see it–or grainier … depending on your beer goggles.
Marshawn Lynch will shock everybody by walking onto the field during half time. He will then ratchet up the shock by delivering a tearful oak trees defense through a platinum megaphone. And, as cricket chirps fill the air, he’ll wish everyone a happy Yom Kippur.
Scratch that last prediction. We meant to say that ML will break 100 yards on Sunday.
But he won’t out-rush Justin Forsett’s Saturday performance.
Jahvid Best will snap a 54-yard run.
Nate Longshore will finally connect on one of those deep throws to DeSean.
Nate Long&short will be great. He might even remind you of that guy trapped under Bret Farve’s corpse.
The defense will go back to being somewhat mediocre. We see 24 points from Arizona.
Expect a Syd’Quan Thompson interception, though.
Levelle Hawkins will trip while doing “the Hawk.”
But it will still be an awesome addition to our collective sports-consciousness.
This will not be the game where DeSean unleashes his wildly inappropriate “the Jack” celebration.
Posted by Ethan Strauss on Sunday, September 16, 2007 10:13 am
Our bad on not writing a LaTech preview. It was Rosh Hashanah, after all. Anyway, this wasn’t the most suspenseful of contests (the Louisiana coach had to slap his players just to wake them up). The preview would have read “look for maximum ownage!” Despite the win, we’re a bit sad over DeSean’s poor play. Especially considering how awesome his first two games were (see above mix tape). “One” certainly wasn’t the loneliest number whenever he received a punt. Oh, and here some other profound thoughts on Saturday’s action:
First off, let’s thank Kip’s for turning on the TV late. It’s not like we wanted to see that kickoff return TD or anything.
You know you’re playing well when the opposing coach is literally slapping his players.
Thank God we were playing a “Tech” team, considering the shoddy reffing.
The reverse to DeSean would have worked, but Nate Long&short ran away from a block. Way to be a QB, Nate.
We hope this statistical aberration won’t hurt DeSean’s Heisman chase. What kills the Clog is how close DeSean was to having a monster game. If he catches that slant, it’s a loooooong touchdown. And if the refs had granted DeSean’s back o’ the endzone sang, we have another long TD. Still, “Number One” seemed to be playing ahead of himself just a bit.
There probably should have been a challenge on that back o’ the endzone catch.
Our bubble screens were getting popped.
The Clog was happy to see the Bears go for it on an early crucial 4th down play. Has Tedford been reading “David Romer’s work on this topic“? Great Berkeley minds think alike.
Heard at Kip’s, after the billionth penalty call: “What is this, a RAIDERS GAME??!!”
Also heard at Kip’s: “How are (the refs) going to screw us out this time?!”We like this newly invented “screw us out” phrase and hope it gains more traction.
Rex Champion should have been named “Rex Blahquaterbackonamediocresecondtiercollegefootballsquad.” The “Champion” tag doesn’t fit him so much.
That SydQuan Thompson block was amazing. If you missed it, you missed the play of the game.
DeCoud and Syd both played out of their minds. Props to a improving defense.
We understand that Forsett ran for a google yards and looked fantastic. Still, we want more Jahvid. He’s probably the team’s second most exciting player, yet Teddy often glues Best to the bench. Did JB look at “our ass-kicking savior” the wrong way?
Twice the announcers said, “Alex Mack is a sweetheart.” Thought you’d like to know.
Did anyone see that ridiculous commercial where the kid thanks his mom for blocking his Internet access to porn? Did we imagine it?
We don’t have many thoughts on the second half. It got boring in a good way.
Posted by Ethan Strauss on Thursday, September 06, 2007 11:04 pm
Thankfully there were a few Bear sightings on Thursday Night Football. Though the Colt’s metaphorical pantsing of the Saints was like visual Nyquil (without the buzz), former Cal players did their best to entertain the Clog.It appears Daymeion Hughes has found a happy home with his new blue team. The man played corner like a caffeinated wombat, and generally acquitted himself quite nicely for a slow guy (the man ran his 40 like an opium addled sloth). He also came this close to intercepting one of many errant Brees heaves.And Matthew Giordano had an auspicious start to his season. The former Cal DB had an 83-yard pick-six. Have you noticed that our school has become a regular defensive back mill lately? The League can thank us for Hughes, Giordano, Deltha O’Neal, and Nnamdi Asomugha (pronounced “alksjdfalhdfalkjsdf;a”), just to name a few. Man, if only we could have some of those guys back for our currently so-so defense.Another Pac 10 alum used the game to continue his quest to be the most over marketed football player in the nation. The Clog saw many, many, Reggie Bush ads in between yet another mediocre Reggie performance. Why the star treatment so soon? We’d make a snarky comment about USC students and entitlement, but we’ve got to go find and polish those old Giordano rookie cards. Oh, and the Clog may just recap Marshawn’s first game…depending on how hyphy we feel.
Posted by Gerald Nicdao on Monday, June 04, 2007 10:00 am
BTW, we’re coming to the point of the year where all the sports are slowly coming to an end. It really wouldn’t have been a problem if a) the baseball team made the NCAA tournament, b) the softball team got back to the College World Series and c) football was a year round sport. So without further ado …
It sucked that the varsity eight failed to win its race, pretty much derailing any chance for Cal to win the national title.
But overall, the team did well, sending all of its boats to their respective grand finals. No other school did that. The squad also took home three individual titles.
It’s the biggest story of the weekend.
*Track Coach Quits*
Chris Huffins resigned last week, effective after this week’s NCAA championships.
But what we don’t get is if he has gotten more athletes to regional and NCAA championship meets in the last five years than any other coach in more than a decade, why would anyone care about his management style? He’s been successful.
*Women’s Tennis Coach Retires*
Jan Brogan leaves Cal after almost three decades of coaching.
But why? She just got the Bears to the NCAA semis. Just one more step and she’ll have a team championship, something that has eluded her for 29 years.
*Golden Bears*
_1) John Mann – men’s water polo_
The Heisman Trophy of water polo is named after the winningest coach in Cal history, Pete Cutino. No Bears player has ever won the award until now. Good job, John Mann.
_2-4) The Varsity Four, Freshman Four and Freshman Eight – men’s crew_
National champs. ‘Nuff said.
Posted by Gerald Nicdao on Monday, April 23, 2007 09:23 am
*Leading Off…Just TOO Much*
The national collegiate playoffs for rugby are a joke. Especially when the Bears can beat its first two opponents by a combined score of 129-3.
Remember, that’s two games. And in two games, Cal rugby scored more than 100 points and only let one team score three.
We offer that the Bears just get a bye all the way into the semifinals, so that we don’t have to sit through such destruction again.
Losing To Stanfurd, Round 2
A few months ago was the first big Cal versus Stanfurd weekend. The Bears lost to the Indians FIVE times in that time span. Cal did relatively better this time around, only losing three times to ’Furd. But still, that’s way too many times.
Loss Number 1 – Women’s Water Polo
The Bears are young, and this one was close. It was also at home. Maybe next year, huh?
Loss Number 2 – Women’s Tennis Crumbling under pressure. That’s all we’ve got.
Loss Number 3 – Lacrosse
Well, it was as expected as the other two.
Beating the Indians
While those teams above failed to beat Stanfurd, we actually had a few teams win against our counterparts to the south.
Win Number 1 – Men’s Tennis
NOT EVEN CLOSE. Bears upset the Indians on the Farm for a possible NCAA berth.
Win Number 2 – Crew
These were easy. The men’s and women’s crew teams, both defending champs, did their thing to take the Big Row.
Win Number 3 – Baseball Amazingly, Stanfurd needs three pitchers in the first inning to get three outs and Cal took two of three from the Indians at Evans. It’s nice, but still leaves a bitter taste in our mouths from that sweep back in February.
Golden Bears 1) Pierre Mouillon – men’s tennis
Hits the game winner to give the Bears the victory.
2) Rikus Pretorius – rugby
Scored team high three tries in Sunday’s win. But also he has an awesome name. We thought we had to put it in here.
3) Max Fearnow – Stanfurd baseball
Gave up five runs in his start against the Bears on Sunday. He only lasted one out.
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Remember the bizarre story about Stanford University reject, Azia Kim? She spent 8 months convincing everyone she was a student at the Palo Alto campus before being busted by their housing department last May. The incident sparked an online sensation among college kids nationwide–especially here at UC Berkeley. Many students even wondered if such brazen trickery occurs on our own campus. Fortunately, the Clog now has an answer: “Yes, it does occur. Kind of. Almost.” 
Thankfully there were a few Bear sightings on Thursday Night Football. Though the 
*Leading Off…Another Crew Team Fails For National Title*
*Leading Off…Just TOO Much*