Never has a mag been fitter–
And no, we’re not being bitter.
Now Squelch has a blog.
They call it The Sqlog.
But when will they get a twitter?

The Sqlog [Website]

So what was up with those weirdos on Sproul today with the blue recycling bins? Oh, that’s SQUELCH!–just smile and move along, folks. Earlier today party chair Andy Morris e-mailed us a schedule of events for Upper Sproul Plaza:

4/2/09: SQUELCH! Recyling Day
4/3/09:  Smokeout of Campus Politics (Hookah on Sproul)
4/6/09:  The Infamous Annual Vibrator Races
4/7/09:  Historical Battle Reinactment With Water Balloons (exact battle TBD).  In fact, if the clog would like to encourage readers to vote on what battle we should reinact I would follow their will.
4/8-4/9:  Probably something.   But really, if people didn’t vote on the first day they’re not likely to vote on the second or third.

If you have any other ideas, leave a comment.

Morris also notes that the hookah tomorrow is free for all and not just for the lonely-looking SQUELCH! person puffing away.

Image Source: Eric Hamilton under Creative Commons

Fortunately, there’s always Squelch’s campaign to relieve us from the tedium that is Upper Sproul Plaza’s sea of CalSERVE and Student Action droids.  Today, it was actual candidates holding up actual posters.  Tomorrow, it might be a community garden fertilized by composted Cal-SERVE and Student Action waste.  Next week (according to party chair Andy Morris, pictured above), it will definitely be those vibrator races.

Yes, when it comes to the ASUC’s incompetence, Squelch doesn’t beat around the bush.  (Oh, that’s been used before? We never would have guessed.)

Image Source: Jill Cowan
Earlier: Mooch off ASUC Elections Candidates

*It’s been burning on Angel Island since 9 p.m. Yikes.  SFist has already posted views of it from different parts of the bay. We sincerely hope all the campers were able to G.T.F.O. in time. Apparently they were moved to Tiburon?

*Not to make light of a serious subject, but speaking of “flaming,” the SFBG Music Blog just posted its fourth installment of the Gayest. Videos. Ever. Trust us, they’re pure dance-worthy excellence.

*A new issue of The Heuristic Squelch came out this week. Get the PDF version here, if you want to save paper. Or if you’re fundamentally against accepting things from people on Upper Sproul Plaza.

*Aw, man … And just when we thought Gavin Newsom was like, the hottest thing alive, he has to go all conservative on our asses. Tisk, tisk.

Billy Joel We Didn’t Start The Fire [YouTube]
Earlier: Sunday Shout-Out: Make Your Voice Heard

Our favorite part of the issue has to be the back cover, which spoofs the silly, embarrassing banners outside of Dwinelle Hall. Good game. And, in light of recent silence on the tree-front, we’d also recommend one of the news flashes, “Protestors Plan Tree-Sitters Sit”:

“First the University wanted to remove trees, so we had to protest by sitting in trees. Now the University wants to remove tree-sitters, so we have to protest by sitting on the tree-sitters already in the trees. It’s the next logical progression,” said Save The Oaks organizer Robert Larson, struggling to balance atop a fat man.

Jeez, don’t give them any more ideas.

Wizard of Oswald Vol. 17 Issue 5 [Squelch]

SQULECH! seems to have a good grasp of the power of video: no special effects (or even moving cameras), just pure comedy and a dash of politics rhetoric. Above, Senate candidate John Moghtader promises you won’t have to wait “schlong” for change.

P.S. Speaking of schlongs, did SQUELCH! do the requisite vibrator races yet? They smoked out Sproul, but it’s not campaign season until you see cheap buzzing sex toys slide down a homemade ramp.

John Moghtader SQUELCH! Campaign Video [YouTube]

OK, we know ASUC candidates will do pretty much anything to grab another vote, but yesterday these guys from SQUELCH gave a whole new meaning to the term “low blow.” Situated in such a way as to be dangerously close to blocking traffic through Sather Gate, the two men sat on Upper Sproul Plaza, calm as caterpillars, smoked hookah in an effort to “smoke out partisan politics,” and invited others to join the fun. They also had a box of Krispy Kreme donuts, but we’re not sure if those were for sharing, too.

Image Source: Jill Cowan
Earlier: The Daily Californian Elections Circus … er, Forum

Join presidential hopeful Curtis Lee for cheesy sticks Wednesday at 6 p.m. in 126 Barrows, or find out who Yishi Zuo is at his Wednesday 10-11 p.m. campaign kick-off. Zuo will have “plenty of food and drinks as well as sign in sheets in case you would like to help with my campaign.” Sure thing, Yishi. But if cheesy sticks and sign-in sheets don’t whet your appetite, don’t fret. Just do a Facebook search and pick from a diverse set of offerings.

In addition to campaign kick-off parties, however, there’s YouTube. From video blogs to campaign trailers, ASUC hopefuls utilize every college kid’s favorite procrastination tool to get their name out there. Below, SQUELCH!’s Matt Guilhem makes everything orgasm. But will he make the polls orgasm?

Readers, meet Regine Labog–she’s running for Senate with Apple Engineering, Student Action and Unite Greek.

Apparently, Labog wants to “make a difference” and give engineers a “bigger voice in the Senate.” She might have said other things, but we were too entranced by the catchy tune from “High School Musical” playing oh-so-discreetly in the background to pay attention to her actual words. Hey, if Disney used a synthesized Ashley Tisdale to suck millions into their empire, so can engineers.

It makes sense, then, that these guys would make the most out of their time in a past Daily Cal candidates’ forum for the ASUC elections. We wish we could have live-blogged this.

Out of all their wacky candidates, we favor the dude in the suit, especially when he takes a jab at the bigger parties. Explaining why he hasn’t won yet, he says that he has “never had enough chalk or paper to win successfully.”

We also like the cat-man, but you need to give him time to grow on you. Anyone that committed to their character should get some props.

Watch the vid, and you’ll understand, among other things, why it’s important to have a Daily Cal crossword and why we must represent/keep it real.

Squelch! Party messes with candidates forum [YouTube]