So you’re pedaling north on Shattuck Avenue. Fast. It’s about 1:30 a.m., you’ve had a couple beers. In fact, you have a couple beers duct taped to your helmet. Reserve stash. You’re about to blast through Addison Street and swing an artful left-hand turn onto University Avenue,when suddenly the light turns RED.

Do you come to a screeching halt? Do you yell “F*CK DA PO-LEECE” and keep going? Honestly, the intersection at Addison Street and Shattuck Avenue is absolute mayhem to begin with. So what difference does one college kid running a red light on a bike really make?

Forty minutes of footage secretly captured at a San Francisco intersection offers insight into a majority of Bay Area bike enthusiasts’ flagrant disregard of bike traffic laws. According to the tape, seven cyclists came to a complete stop. Fifteen paused. Ninety-one ploughed straight through the intersection.

With a recent influx of UCPD ticketing on campus for biking in restricted areas, we can’t help but wonder if the po’ will start cracking down on the streets of Berkeley.

Perhaps Berkeley Critical Mass should start a blog similar to the one recently launched by its mother chapter across the bay so that off-duty cops and angry civilians can channel their passive aggressive bike hating into anonymous comments.

In the meantime, bike enthusiasts beware. The New York Times may be watching.

Video Diary of an Intersection [YouTube]
San Francisco’s Cyclists Facing Backlash for Flouting Rules of the Road [NY Times]

No, it’s not to see her interview the elusive Cormac McCarthy, or to see the now passé Tom Cruise couch-jumping incident. This time it’s something a little closer to home. Oprah will be interviewing UCPD’s Lisa Campbell and Ally Jacobs, the two brave police officers whose keen eyes led to the arrest of kidnapper Phillip Garrido.

The Clog is grateful that these ladies are getting their moment in the spotlight. Campbell, whose mother worked with Oprah’s security detail in the ’80s, is thrilled by the experience. “The entertainment giant is a ’shero,’ Campbell says. ‘She has dedicated her life to sharing her gifts and talent, and changing one consciousness at a time.’”

We can think of a few more sheroes, actually. They’ll be on Oprah tonight. You won’t want to miss it.

Image source: dyobmit under Creative Commons
UCPD’s Lisa Campbell and Ally Jacobs get their 15 minutes on Oprah [UC Berkeley News]

Jacobs described the kids as being programmed – “almost like ‘Little House on the Prairie’ meets robots.” She thanks her “motherly intuition” for enabling her to spot alleged kidnapper/child abuser/former LSD addict/supercreep Phillip Garrido.

Even though he was known on his block as “Creepy Phil” and his home was subject to regular visits and searches (the man even wore a GPS-linked ankle bracelet that tracked his every move), the fact that he was housing his kidnap victim – and the two kids he fathered with her – in his backyard for the past 18 years remained a mystery to the rest of the world.

Well not exactly. Turns out most of the neighbors knew about the suspicious tents all along. Back in 2006 a neighbor called 911 and described Garrido as a “psychotic sex addict who was living with children and had people staying in tents in his backyard.” The investigating officer sent to his home warned Garrido that the tents could be a code violation before leaving.

Here’s some other strange tidbits:

• After not seeing each other for 18 years, Jaycee Dugard, the kidnap victim, greeted her mother by saying, “Hi, mom, I have babies.”
• Garrido gave an incoherent phone interview to KCRA-TV from the county jail Thursday in which he denied the kidnapping and said that he had turned his life around since the birth of his first daughter 15 years ago.
• He met his wife while he was serving time at the federal penitentiary.
• He’s currently under suspicion for the unsolved murders of several prostitutes, whose bodies were dumped near an industrial park where Garrido worked during the 1990s.
• He and his wife are now on suicide watch in Contra Costa County Jail.

Image Source: Tony Wan Kenobi under Creative Commons
Questions arise over how kidnapper went undetected [Associated Press]
Cops’ instincts ended kidnap saga [Chicago Sun Times]
UCPD Personnel Prove Pivotal in Kidnapping Arrest [Daily Cal]

It seems our long wait for a UC Berkeley police chief is now over. And after a nationwide search,  the new chief was under our noses the whole time.

UCPD Assistant Chief Mitch Celaya will now become the big dog in the campus police department, the campus announced this evening.

The appointment brings to an end an epic storyline which began last summer with the retiring, but—oh, wait for it—almost immediate rehiring of Chief Victoria Harrison.

This year, two finalists were announced in a showdown of reality show proportions. But, in another twist, the UCPD announced that it may merge with the UCSF police department, potentially adding all sorts of complications to the search.

However, today’s announcement made no mention of these circumstances. We shall see.

Image Source: Paul Keleher under Creative Commons
New UC Berkeley Police Chief Announced [Daily Cal]

Already missing your “American Idol” fix? Well, our campus is hosting its own competition: UC Berkeley’s Next Top Cop*! Starring UCPD Assistant Chief Mitch Celaya and Oakland PD’s Deputy Chief David Kozicki. Hosted by Berkeley’s lovable Vice Chancellor of Administration Nathan Brostrom. Special Guest appearance by the soon-to-be-former Chief herself, Victoria Harrison!

Watch them dodge buckets of excrement! See how they orchestrate tactical maneuvers! Amaze at their handling of protest on ground, in air and in trees! Plus, whose line of new designer uniforms will parade down the runway at Bryant Park? And don’t forget all the singing and dancing!

Tune in, and by July 27, a winner will be announced. Who will be Berkeley’s Next Top Cop™?

* Not a real TV show. Duh.

Image Source: loungeflyDE under Creative Commons
Campus Names Two Candidates To Fill UCPD Police Chief Post [Daily Cal]

Well, the event that spawned the line from hell is nearly here. His Holiness the Dalai Lama is expected to arrive in Berkeley tomorrow afternoon. The arrival of the controversial character has students giddy and UCPD all in a tizzy. Apparently, there will be some other less interesting community events taking place tomorrow as well, if any of you who couldn’t get Lama tickets are looking for consolation. Bottom line: traffic is going to be a bitch. Here’s what to watch out for:

Allston Way between Milvia Street and Martin Luther King, Jr., Way will be closed from 10 a.m to 6 p.m. Generally, probably a good idea to steer clear of Downtown Berkeley altogether. Things might get hectic; the Clog can only hope some sort of Pope-mobile type extravagance will be involved, but we aren’t getting our hopes up. UCPD anticipates shenanigans from unsympathetic political demonstrators at both the 2 p.m Greek Theatre Event and the 3:45 p.m Berkeley Community Theater event.

Other than that … be sure to check out Earth Day festivities from noon to 5 p.m in Civic Center Park! It may not entail the spiritual enlightenment that the words of his Holiness can arouse, but there will be “bio-diesel demonstrations.”

Image Source: Yves. under Creative Commons
Dalai Lama, celebrations to close Berkeley streets [Chronchron]
Campus Prepares for Dalai Lama’s Speech [Daily Cal]

Two men were taken into custody yesterday by the UCPD in connection with the robbery of a Clark Kerr dorm three weeks ago. 21-year-olds Gary Doxy and R.J. Garrett, both ex-football players, are alleged to have held four of their peers at gunpoint while demanding wallets and laptops. Turns out the gun was a BB gun. Not that that makes it all better or anything.

Significantly, police say that the robbery may have been incited by some racial slurs–ones that a drunk white male crew member allegedly made during the course of a party. News of the slurs is believed to have eventually reached Doxy and Garrett, who then allegedly proceeded to stick up two members of the crew team and some incidental roommates. Specifically, police believe they robbed crew members who hadn’t made the offensive comments themselves. Come again?

(Note: Post edited for accuracy.)

Image Source: macwagen under Creative Commons
Two UC Berkeley Students Arrested in Connection With Clark Kerr Armed Robbery [Daily Cal]

Robbers crawled through an open window in a Clark Kerr dorm last night, which immediately begs two questions.  One: whose brilliant idea was it to build ground-floor Clark Kerr windows so big and wide that six-footers can just sail right through them?  Two, which in retrospect isn’t so surprising considering point one: dangerous criminal people with guns are targeting dorms now?

Police officials are feeling the shock too.  The four students whose dormitory was broken into were apparently ordered to give up laptops and wallets at gun-point. The assailants left with one of each and have not been apprehended.  None of the students were injured.  We direct our most sincere expressions of gratitude heavenward.

Image Source: macwagen under Creative Commons
Police Seek Two Suspects Following Clark Kerr Armed Robbery [Daily Cal]

All ur computer R belong 2 us!

Fourteen computers from an “open activist space” and internet cafe called the Long Haul Infoshop are now at the hands of the UC Police Department due to concerns over threatening emails. UCB spokesperson Robert Sanders confirmed that such emails have been sent. Other than that, folks are still pretty puzzled as to the nature of these threats. Are we talking orange level security? Red?

We also wonder what the officials expect to find on these computers, besides porn and drafts of some kind of “Animals = Friends” constitution.

Our favorite part of the story is the part where a witness describes the police raid as involving broken locks and a shattered wooden door. It wouldn’t be a raid if it weren’t dramatic, now would it?

Image Source: Daily Cal
Basis for UCPD Raid Remains Unclear [Daily Cal]
Threatening Emails Trigger UC Berkeley Raid [KTVU SF]

UC Berkeley treated our resident Cal parakeet, “Fresh,” to quite a spectacle yesterday–and we’re not talking about the performers for Pilipino Cultural Night who were practicing a heartfelt rendition of Boyz II Men’s “End of the Road” on Dwinelle Plaza, directly across from his perch.

No, Fresh had a gang of angry supporters by his police-lined fences on Sunday afternoon. Among the riled up company was our favorite all-purpose protester, Zachary RunningWolf–tricked out in his usual impeccably-selected anti-American t-shirt.

The Clog happened to be there when the grandmother-pushing and subsequent nonsensical yelling began. “White males kill their mothers!” declared one angry woman, repeatedly, after police forcefully prevented an elderly woman from giving Fresh a little nourishment.

One guy eventually snagged a heroically symbolic arrest after throwing a chain of water bottles to the Wheeler Hall treewok.

One of the bottles fell, however. A cop promptly picked it up and emptied it in silent revenge. Cue the cries of “YOU BASTARD!”

And then it got boring.

Apparently, RunningWolf was also there to protest against the university’s ownership of Native-American remains. Yes, at a tree sit. We don’t even know what tree-people are protesting anymore. Development? The lack of affirmative action? The last season of “The Wire”? Pick a cause, any cause– ’cause every protest has an element of anti-everything: anti-cops, anti-democratization, anti-shower.

Such is the multi-purpose nature of a tree-sit–in Berkeley, at least.

Image Source: Patrici Flores
Earlier: News from the Tree Front: ‘Fresh’ Makes Like a Cat and Scrambles