The Daily Cal reports that the commencement speaker has been named. We hope you’re not in a crowded room when you read this: Danny Glover.

As a university that considers itself above paying commencement speakers and awarding honorary degrees, UC Berkeley is left to have whoever will come. And we’re picky about it, too. After last year’s commencement when State Assembly Speaker Fabian Nunez didn’t cross a union picket line to deliver the address promised, the committee avoided any persons with political affiliations.

What we’re left with is an underwhelming name who, in addition to his success in the Lethal Weapon franchise, graduated from San Francisco State only to later be awarded an honorary degree in Fine Arts from the same institution. We can’t give you an honorary degree, but you’re totally qualified if you got one from somewhere else!

As underwhelming as the candidate is, the potential candidate list is even worse. It’s like a Hollywood party that would never happen:

Oprah: I’d love to come speak at UC Berkeley, but I’m too busy supporting schools in Africa.
Anderson Cooper: It’s true, I reported it last night on “Anderson Cooper 360.” I also write my own books about being a journalist. I would captivate the crowd with my piercing eyes, as blue as the jeans my heiress mother used to be in commercials for.
Bono: Don’t buy jeans, America. Buy (RED) products. Save the world through your consumption.
Bill Cosby: Oh, no! Bono’s sunglasses are off. He’s getting sunstroke! Call a doctor!
George Clooney: I can help. I played one on TV.
Ellen DeGeneres: Why don’t we all take a break from this serious stuff. Look! Kristi Yamaguchi is doing a double axle.
Kristi Yamaguchi (while doing double axle): Weeeeee.
Tom Hanks: I’d be a great speaker. I’ve been in very serious movies about war and the digital age. Did you see me in You’ve Got Mail? That’s totally relevant to the Facebook generation.
Baba Wawa: I could do an interview with Magic Johnson and read back to an audience with boring facial expressions and stoic body language.
Magic Johnson: Or I could just talk for myself.
Denzel Washington: I hope people don’t get me confused with that “Grey’s” hater since I haven’t had a good movie since Remember the Titans.
Jon Stewart: And there you have it, your moment of zen.

Film Actor Chosen to Speak at Graduation [Daily Cal]

Rocky said:
Apr 3, 2007 at 1:22 pm

having Danny Glover is not bad…its been worse…Johnny Mosely?