On the heels of “Cake and Cunnilingus Day”:http://www.cakeandcunnilingus.com, we have for you a tasty helping of PoLo to cleanse your palates. It is thus quite appropriate to start things off with a tale of sexy time outside the chancellor’s house. And of course, no week is complete without a helping of Oakgate.

Friday, April 6, 2007

12:35 a.m., South side of University House: Officer speaks to 22-year-old female and 23-year-old male non-students about sexual activity.

That’s pretty hot. Chancellor Robert Birgeneau lives at University House. Just the thought of getting freaky near the man gives us goose-bumps.

Saturday, April 7, 2007

3:48 p.m., Unit 1-Freeborn Hall: 19-year-old female UC Berkeley student reports burglary to unlocked dorm room. Loss valued at $6,000.

Students: the Clog cares about you deeply, so listen closely. People will take your shit if your dorm/car/whatever is unlocked. And don’t think fellow students are immune from the draws of other people’s property. Word.

Sunday, April 8, 2007

3:42 a.m., Unit-1 courtyard: 18-year-old female UC Berkeley student arrested on suspicion of public drunkenness, booked at Berkeley Jail.

Poor baby. At least the city lockup has premium cable.

Monday, April 9, 2007

11:45 p.m., People’s Park: Officer speaks to three male UC Berkeley students, two 18 and one 19 years old, about marijuana activity.

Finally, students are using the park as intended.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

1:01 p.m., Hearst Mining Building: UC Berkeley employee reports suspicious circumstances involving a lock pry to mine shaft.

Lock pry to mine shaft? Sounds dirty.

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

11:44 a.m., Memorial Stadium: Property confiscation. Trespassing and illegal lodging warrant to be sought for male suspect.

The Oakgate crackdown continues. Our mine shaft remains pointed downward.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

9:15 p.m., Memorial Stadium: Officers speak to persons about rules violation and illegal dumping.

Same shit, different day.

1:24 p.m.
, 2400 block of Bowditch Street: Male student identified as suspect in trespassing at Memorial Stadium.

Still flaccid.

PoLo is compiled from the UC Police Department’s online “Daily Activity Bulletin”:http://police.berkeley.edu/bulletins/index.html.

Earlier: PoLo: Student Calls Cops on Her Poetry Group


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