Cal fans, click on ze linkage. Such a thing was unthinkable before the ass-kicking savior’s reign. Hell, actually beating the Ducks in Oregon was unthinkable before his miracle work.

Are we happy about this? Cal football fans kind of have to be. There are some nagging questions, though. Does our team have an identity? Does Nate Longshore inspire confidence? Is he even healthy? Is the defense actually good? Is Oski a little bit creepy (he reminds us of a certain scene in “The Shining”)?

Our superstitious inclination to eschew early celebration is causing all this sacrilegious questioning. We apologize. Enjoying the moment seems like a logical thing to do. Still, those nagging thoughts of impending USC-delivered doom are currently present. Actually, thoughts be damned. We’re just going to push those out of our sturdy golden domes, and celebrate our No. 3 ranking in the nonsensical world of college football. No. 3, baby!!!

Image Source: Michael Smith, Daily Cal
2007 NCAA Football Rankings – Week 5 [ESPN]

It seemed Cal was trying to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory. And it was a harrowing experience. Dixon’s last two downfield marches were like Chinese water torture. Actually, due to our Post Traumatic Oregon Losses Disorder (PTOLD), they were probably worse than Chinese water torture. The bitter Eugene defeat has been an annual rite of passage for Cal football fans. The feeling of seeing yet another game slip towards that awful conclusion ceased seeming surreal years ago.

But, thankgodfully it’s all over. No more curse, just the joy of watching us leapfrog all those other upset-foiled teams. The Clog emphatically shouts, “Woo-hoo!”

And here our profound thoughts:

  • This was a game of odd names. Consider that we had two Dixons (one spelled “Dickson”), a Syria, a Jon Stewart and an Alex Mack.And the best part? The game was reffed by (you can already hear us snickering) Jack Wood. Hmm, how much wood could a Jack Wood jack, if a Jack Wood could jack our victory by not overruling that horrible field goal call? We’ll let David Romer figure that one out.
  • Though we often complain about Nate Longshore, we hope he’s healthy. That involuntary pilates was pretty gruesome.
  • DeSean was absolutely brilliant (Thank God we boldly unbolded his name!). Not much to say about numero uno in this space, other than the usual superlative blah blah, Heisman blah, blur of light blah blah, name our kids after him blah blah, etc.
  • Forsett played an underrated role in this one. DeSean’s already receiving a heap of ESPatteNtion for his amazing performance. This overshadows Forsett’s yeoman work. JFo had many Tomlinson-like plays in that second half. And his player introductions speech was also very amusing.
  • Memo to ESPN/ABC/Mysterious Corporate Evil Megastructure: The duck stuff just isn’t funny. Please, stop. If you want to create a show about mascots, simply slot it after that ultra-pimped Geico cavemen program. Don’t interrupt our football game with a lame network exec’s idea of comedy.
  • Dixon wasn’t terrible. This is an edit (we initially spoke ill of the Dix). Hey, when you’re wrong, you’re wrong. The man did have some really bad overthrows though …
  • Unfortunately, our defense looked a lot like our defense for those last two drives. That is, until the miracle fumble. This is a play that will forever go down in un-infamy. We loved the sight of all those shocked Oregonian faces. If we were getting Chinese water tortured, that one was the Iron Maiden deluxe supersized combo. The Clog feels for ya, Oregon people … Actually, not really. We’re just stoked about the amazing win!
  • This contest was tough on our sturdy golden stomach.Image Source: Allison Porterfield, Daily Cal
    No. 6 Bears Stun No. 11 Ducks 31-24 at Autzen Stadium [Daily Cal]

  • Actually, she toots a clarinet–and 47-year-old Cal student Cynthia Erb doesn’t need to boast about being the oldest recent member of our awesome band. Today, the Contra Costa Times featured this former investment banker’s story, which should be an inspiration to all the broke Haas students out there who may want to actually chase their dreams instead of chasing paper.

    Currently a student of the department of architecture here at Berkeley, Erb decided to go back to school after a career in banking because she wanted to “indulge her long-term interest in design.” With dream No. 1 well on its way to fulfillment, playing clarinet for the Cal Band was the second dream she was to act upon, even though she is more than 20 years older than her band mates.

    We should note that in addition to playing in the Cal Band and being a student in one of the most overworked departments at Berkeley, Cynthia Erb is a wife, has three children and lives almost 20 miles away from campus. Compare that to those of us young’uns who can hardly manage to walk to Shattuck Avenue from campus–or those who would rather not try to balance a job, extracurriculars and midterms with Facebook-time and partying.

    Can we get a “You go, girl?”

    Image Source: Ian Buchanan, Daily Cal
    47-year-old Retired Banker Follows Dream with Cal Band [Contra Costa Times]

    This is a huge game. With that in mind, we’re going to have to make a big change to ensure a Cal victory …

    Oh man, we don’t know how to do this. Look, we’re going to stop bolding DeSean’s name (There, it’s been said). We thought it’d be proper tribute to a hero—an awesomely nerdy means of showing the Clog’s appreciation. But sadly, the football gods did not concur. Since the bolding, D-Jax has had no punt return TDs, negative thousand yards receiving and 35 billion Nate Long&short overthrows.

    To stem the tide, we’ve decided to worship his DeSeanness in other ways. Now the Clog is sacrificing virgins (be warned, Foothill!). Here’s to hoping this causes a replay of the above, er, replay. And with that, here are the amazingly correct, spot-on prognostications of some football prodigies:

  • Cal has trouble in Oregon, Cal has trouble in Oregon, Cal has trouble in Oregon, etc. Look, this can be broken down pretty easily. We just need to remember that our mascot is a bear and their mascot is a duck. Now, who would win in a fight we ask? Cal pulls a huge win today. Screw a kangaroo, if yarrrrrra what we mean.
  • We predict Jon Stewart will have a big game against our newly uncrappy defense. Hmm, it’s just too easy to make a lame “Daily Show” joke in such circumstances (Please, just stop hurting our defense).
  • The highly underrated Dennis Dixon will get 300 yards passing and 50 rushing. Oh crap, we predicted a win? Damnit.
  • Okay, for this big win to happen, we have to get 330 yards from Long&short. Plus 150 yards from JFo. Yea, that’ll do just fine.
  • We won’t get any interceptions in Duckville.
  • A miracle Hawk play will get us the W.
  • He won’t do “the Hawk”.
  • The final score is 33-30. By “huge win,” we meant a three-point nail biter.

  • Since it’s Friday afternoon, we here at the Clog know there’s only one thing on your mind: How can I use Facebook to reduce my carbon footprint? Well, we’ve got the answer.

    A new application developed in part by students in UC Berkeley’s Energy and Resources Group and Zimride can help. Called Carpool, the application connects you with other people taking car trips so you can–you guessed it–carpool there. All you have to do is input where and when you are driving, and you’ll be connected with other people going the same way. It works the other way around, too, so if you need a ride, you can find people driving there. It saves gas money and it saves the planet. And the more people who use it, the better it works.

    Carpool [Facebook]

    As if our scene just isn’t popping enough during this spectacular football season, we’ve counted a total of three huge events happening all this weekend. For one thing, current Senator and 2008 presidential election primary candidate Hillary Clinton has decided to drop by on Sunday and throw an old school street fiesta. Her goal: to assist us Cal students in getting crunk while the Bears are out of town.

    Of course, Senator Clinton’s list of things to achieve while here probably also involves mobilizing many Bay Area citizens–including the 18-24 set (hey, that’s us!)–out of voter apathy and out of voting for Obama. The block party will celebrate good times on Sunday in nearby Oakland from 4:30-6:30 p.m. and will feature surprise local entertainers. Since it’s Oakland, we’re half-expecting the hyphy movement to show up.

    Feel like block party hopping? Competing with Hillary’s appearance on Sunday is the 12th Annual “How Naked Berkeley Can You Be” parade and festival in Civic Center Park. Before that, however, be sure to get your rave on at San Francisco’s 2nd Annual Love Fest this Saturday. It’s modeled after Germany’s Love Parade, so you can expect lots of touching, lots of feeling–and most importantly, lots of ecstasy.

    We here at the Clog urge you to take advantage of the randomly abundant celebrations now. Come Halloween, our beloved, violent costume-partying at the Castro may no longer exist.

    Hillary Clinton to Host Oakland Block Party [Oakland Tribune]
    Home Page [How Berkeley Can You Be!?]
    Home Page [San Francisco LoveFest]
    S.F. Officials Cancel Halloween [The Advocate]

    The Feds charged a group of Oakland residents in federal court today in connection with an alleged marijuana goody operation.

    The operation, known to authorities as Tainted, Inc., allegedly made and sold to local cannabis clubs pot-laden cookies, brownies, candy, ice cream—all the munchies Cloyne seems to love so dearly.

    The accused were charged by federal prosecutors, under which law marijuana is a Schedule I substance and use of any kind is considered a felony.

    One of the attorneys cried “Conspiracy!” after the defendants were warned against using drugs before their Oct. 19 hearing. He seems to think California’s Proposition 215 legalizing marijuana supersedes, you know, the government that allowed states to have their own laws. Maybe if he waits for California to secede

    Feds bust alleged munchie operation in East Bay [SF Gate]
    Twelve Hospitalized Following Co-Op Party [Daily Cal]

    Every year the College of Letters and Sciences selects a book to feature in their On the Same Page program. Every freshman and transfer student in the college receives a free copy, a chance to hear the author speak, and the opportunity to participate in classes and lectures related to the selection.

    This year, the featured book was Garry Wills’ “Lincoln at Gettysburg.” Wills spoke Wednesday night in Zellerbach Auditorium to a crowd of about 600 on the relevance of the Gettysburg Address in the 21st century.

    Not like numbers matter, but, well, they do. Or at least they feed our curiosity … Last year’s featured author was Stephen Hawking, who drew so many people that all 2,000 seats in Zellerbach were filled, and 800 people watched a live broadcast of the event in Wheeler Auditorium.

    Why did so few students want to listen to a Pulitzer Prize-winning historian of dead presidents and dead late-antique Catholic saints?

    Though we might have answered the question for ourselves, we still ponder.

    The Clog was curious if there was some special magic that Garry Wills lacked, other than the fact that no one has heard of him before. We brainstormed a few things that might make students a bit more enthusiastic about the ways in which UC Berkeley attempts to educate them.

    3) Six thousand books were given out, and the market price for “Lincoln at Gettysburg” is $19.99 a book. Ignoring the fantastical possibility that the books were bought at for half the price, the sum total of this purchase is $119,940. If that money was put solely into advertising his lecture, maybe lecture attendance would tip into the quadruple digits like Stephen Hawking … because everyone knows that no one reads even the required reading.

    2) Maybe if the College of Letter and Sciences chose Wills’ other book, “Why I Am A Catholic,” students would have a more enthusiastic response.

    1) Never mind the fact that he doesn’t have a rare motor neurone disease, if Garry Wills had a wheelchair and a speech machine, perhaps students would appreciate his every effort at speech a bit more.

    Image Source: Anna Callaghan, Daily Cal
    Historian Speaks on Gettysburg [Daily Cal]
    Book Project Continues with Lincoln at Gettysburg [College of Letters and Science]
    Earlier: Renowned Cosmologist Draws Sold-Out Crowd

    In participation with a group called Urban Shield, the UC Police Department will conduct a simulation test of its response to an “active shooter” incident this Saturday at Warren and Mulford Halls. The scenario will run from 5 a.m. Saturday to 9 a.m. Monday.

    We don’t know exactly what it will involve other than “role-player movements on the first and ground floor of Warren Hall, the arrival and departure of personnel and vehicles in Mulford Hall parking lot, and some loud noises.” That’s not the kind of role-playing we’re used to.

    Also, by the way, the Web site for Urban Shield opens with video sounds more like “Halo 3″ than “Law and Order.”

    bq. To All Staff:

    bq. The University of California Police Department, in cooperation with the City of Berkeley Police Department, is participating in Alameda County’s ‘Urban Shield’ exercise from Friday, September 28 to Monday, October 1, 2007.

    bq. Urban Shield, a multi-agency regional training event, will test and enhance the emergency preparedness and response abilities of local law enforcement in a wide variety of situations. Tactical teams from approximately 25 departments across the country, including our own Negotiations and Entry Team, will be deployed around the clock to handle a variety of simulations and scenarios ranging from natural disasters to incidents of terrorism. If you would like to learn more about this event, please see for details.

    bq. Warren Hall will be the site of an ‘active shooter’ simulation.
    Especially in light of the tragic events at Virginia Tech and other
    past incidents of campus violence, the University is committed to the highest level of preparation and prevention possible, and is proud to participate in this opportunity to provide realistic and valuable training to so many law enforcement agencies.

    bq. Police personnel will begin staging equipment and preparing the
    building on the evening of Friday, September 28. At 5:00 am on
    September 29 (Saturday) the exercise will begin. Activity will
    include role-player movements on the first and ground floor of Warren Hall, the arrival and departure of personnel and vehicles in Mulford Hall parking lot, and some loud noises. The scenario will repeat once every other hour for the entire weekend, day and night, ending before 9:00 am on Monday, October 1.

    bq. Thank you for your assistance with this important initiative.

    bq. Nathan Brostrom,
    Vice Chancellor-Administration

    Home Page [Urban Shield]

    With the crime that recently worried students and sent the LJ Community into a bigger frenzy than an earthquake might, we decided it was time to take matters into our own hands. We know you’re too proud to use BearWALK, so we came up with the top ten suggestions for ensuring your personal safety.

    Note: You should know by now to not take us so seriously.

    10. Fire arms. No, literally: Set your arms ablaze and brandish boldly.
    9. Grab Harry Potter’s Invisibility Cloak. Or, better yet, get over the series and just chuck your fat tome at any attacker. Also, the epilogue sucked. There, we said it.
    8. Carry around your hookah ’cause, hey, everyone likes the guy with the hookah.
    7. Call the ASUC to do something about it.
    6. Tote your own taser.
    5. Join Student Action–get it DONE.
    4. Put your trust in the university. Student No. 16273637, we have your utmost security in mind.
    3. Live in Oakland.
    2. Let the university believe it needs to protect you from raging football fans. Carry around a ten-foot fence wherever you go.
    1. Pass out flyers. Watch your supposed assailant whip out an iPod, a cell phone and sunglasses in one second flat.

    Earlier: UCPD E-mails Students About Recent Crime

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