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Saturday Morning Predictions: Cal vs. Arizona

Posted By Ethan Strauss On Sep 22, 2007 @ 2:45 am In Sports | Comments Disabled

The Psychic Uber Wisdom

We’re acing at least half of these. This will go down in history as the most accurate football prognostications in the history of histories. The brilliance you witness here will sear your brain so badly that you’ll wax on nostalgically about the “Ayoob era.” Proceed with extreme caution:

  • The above YouTube clip will happen again. Only it will be less grainy when you see it–or grainier … depending on your beer goggles.
  • Marshawn Lynch will shock everybody by walking onto the field during half time. He will then ratchet up the shock by delivering a tearful oak trees defense through a platinum megaphone. And, as cricket chirps fill the air, he’ll wish everyone a happy Yom Kippur.
  • Scratch that last prediction. We meant to say that ML will break 100 yards on Sunday.
  • But he won’t out-rush Justin Forsett’s Saturday performance.
  • Jahvid Best will snap a 54-yard run.
  • Nate Longshore will finally connect on one of those deep throws to DeSean.
  • Nate Long&short will be great. He might even remind you of that guy trapped under Bret Farve’s corpse.
  • The defense will go back to being somewhat mediocre. We see 24 points from Arizona.
  • Expect a Syd’Quan Thompson interception, though.
  • Levelle Hawkins will trip while doing “the Hawk.”
  • But it will still be an awesome addition to our collective sports-consciousness.
  • This will not be the game where DeSean unleashes his wildly inappropriate “the Jack” celebration.
  • The final score is 40-24.
  • Fasting today will suck.

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