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Tonight, at the same time as the “surprise” Counting Crows performance, the Daily Cal hosted its annual ASUC elections forum. Candidates for the executive slate gathered ’round in the bowels of Barrows Hall to express their platforms, discuss their differences and … draw penises on the board.

In short, it was madness. We’ll leave it to the upcoming Daily Cal endorsements to pan the informational gold–but for now, the Clog is happy to give you a few memorable highlights from each part of the ridiculous (and, thankfully, brief) evening with the candidates!

The SUPERB referendum came first. Beetle/Justin Azadivar extended the opinion he often displays on his blog, stating that SUPERB is full of lies. Lies, lies, lies. And that we should not give them money. SUPERB promptly left the room–in a huff, if you will–following his speech.

After that came the candidates’ turns. There seemed to be no short supply of mock candidates. In fact, there seemed to be no short supply of one mock candidate in particular–Johnathan Kim (BEARS-United)–who campaigned for all executive slate positions.

Here goes.

Academic Affairs Vice President

Arnaud-Victor Monteux (FUCK) spoke French the entire time, as translator Ross Lingenfelder stood by in a cowboy hat. It was basically a parody of the whole Multicultural Center thing. Monteux rallied for a French cultural center–complete with a wine and cheese machine–in which he and the two other French persons on campus may escape discrimination.

Other candidates: Johnathan Kim (BEARS-United), Christian Osmena (Student Action), Carlo de la Cruz (CalSERVE)

External Affairs Vice President

Joe Rothberg’s (SQUELCH!) ukelele called peeps out. Fellow candidate Dionne Jirachaikitti (CalSERVE) made faces when he dissed CalSERVE, singing a lively chorus of “Some of you think I’m a perv, but at least I’m not a member of fuckin’ CalSERVE!” In a Student Action number, Rothberg talked about Student Action treating their “campaign members like serfs.” He also drew a penis on the board, the first of many more. OK, one more.

Other candidates: Johnathan Kim (BEARS-United), Lina Ochman (Student Action), Matt Vasquez (FUCK), Vanessa Gathi (Defend Affirmative Action Party)

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Executive Vice President

Chad Kunert (SQUELCH!) pretty much creeped out all of the EVP females, stating that he “loves unity” and proceeding to put his arms around them. Nevertheless, he gave off a serious vibe as he went off about Senate transparency. Speaking of transparency–Kunert eventually took off his shirt. Christopher Page (FUCK) thinks we wouldn’t have transparency issues if we all just became friends!

Other candidates: Krystle Pasco (CalSERVE), Grace Shen (Student Action), Chad Kunert (SQUELCH!), Johnathan Kim (BEARS-United), Chris Page (FUCK)

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Student Advocate

Meet Matt DeMartini–the only thing CalSERVE and Student Action can agree on! Also notable was Andy Morris (SQUELCH!), who drew a giant sharpied penis on his abdomen and stroked it as he described his fetish for students who break laws.

Other candidates: Joshua Hug (Ftyyar.byhf.awgvwfguihs.twnuctdsos.), Peter Kapelanski (FUCK), Johnathan Kim (BEARS-United)

President

Presidential candidates talked about Lower Sproul Plaza, and everything they said sounded eerily familiar. Except for Ross Lingenfelder’s (FUCK) vision–he wants to build casinos.

Johnathan Kim (BEARS-United) said he’d like to build a monument to himself, Roxanne Winston (CalSERVE) almost called people out about “small programming,” and Joshua Hug ( Ftyyar.byhf.awgvwfguihs.twnuctdsos.)–sporting a Jurassic Park mask–demands an alarm to increase our warnings against bears. OK.

Other candidates: Fred Taylor-Hochberg (SQUELCH!), Curtis Lee (Student Action), Ronald Cruz (Defend Affirmative Action Party)

Disclaimer: Please do not attempt to make an informed decision from these summaries. Look forward to executive slate endorsements by the Daily Cal, which should be released within the next week.

In the mean time, we hope you enjoyed dying vicariously through us.


Image Source: Patrici Flores

ASUC ELECTIONS [Website]
Endorsement Forum After Action Report [Beetle Beat]
Earlier: ASUC Executive Candidates to Duke It Out, Forum-Style
Earlier: The Calm Before the Climax—the Daily Cal Elections Forum



Comments:
yaman said:
Apr 5, 2008 at 2:15 pm

YouTube videos of the EAVP debate: http://www.calserve.org/2008/04/05/daily-cal-debates-is-there-a-difference-between-student-action-and-calserve/

Does anybody have Joe’s songs recorded?



Student said:
Apr 6, 2008 at 3:15 pm

GO LINA!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t9aghNNLcEA



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