We at the Clog love a good toilet clogging, especially if it was the result of a good, relieving poo. Of course, there’s nothing wrong with a courtesy flush between dive bombs, either. Today, we’d like to encourage you to pay your poo some mind and discover what your digestive tract is trying to tell you. This quick anal analysis … nay, colon clinic … digestion dissection … better yet, stool study will let you know if you’re really as healthy as you think you are.

Is yours shaken or stirred?

The consistency of your poop may be the easiest attribute of which to take note–hey, you don’t even have to turn around. Healthy doodie is said to be the “shape and consistency of an unripe banana” and about 18 inches in length.

If your excrement escapes you in pellet-form, it may mean that you are a bit constipated. Solution: increase your water, fiber and fruit intake.

If yours tends to hang loose and flow like milk and honey, it may be because of an excess of Vitamin C, caffeine, magnesium or milk. However, if this problem persists, you may want to have the doc check out your poo and make sure you don’t have Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

Well color me ‘surprised’!

The color of a healthy doodoo is said to be a purty, golden brown. There isn’t much left to be said in that case, so let’s explore when a good poo goes bad.

Black: In the short run (get it? Runs?), black poop may simply mean you’re consuming an excess of iron. Even Pepto Bismol can turn your stool black. However, once your poo goes black and can’t go back, you should be checked out for bleeding in your upper gastrointestinal tract or a bleeding ulcer.

Very Dark Red, or Red: If Darth Maul is rearing it’s ugly head out of your pooper, it may be because of darkly colored red foods in your diet. Otherwise, watch out for red coloration due to blood streaks from hemorrhoids or too much straining from constipation.

Green: If your green poo is slimy in texture, it may be mucus caused by a stomach virus. As with black stools, green is also be an indicator of an excess of iron in your system. Diet supplements will also make you go for the green, as will food rich in green food coloring, such as M&M’s, ice cream and jelly beans.

Yellow: Please take this yellow shade as a screaming ‘warning’ sign. Yellow dung means that there is not enough bile in the excrement. This may be an indicator of either Gastro Esophageal Reflux disease or a contagious or disease called Giardia.

Pale or White: Pale poop may mean a number of things. One, you may be a seagull. Two, you may have just eaten a lot of rice or other pale foods. Three, you might have a problem with your gallbladder or liver. If you’re a seagull, you may have a problem with your seagallbladder.

If stools could talk, oh, the things it would say…

But they can’t talk, thank God. Instead, we need to learn to listen to the sound it makes when it hits the water. “Plop!” = bad. You’re constipated. “Splash!” = good. You’re having fun.

Would you like to buy a bowel?

Oprah is all about the healthy poo, and offers these simple food recommendations to make your next bowel movement a happy one. Surprise, surprise, it’s all the foods that we fed the dog underneath the dinner table when we were kids.

Speaking of Oprah, have you ever wondered what happens to her poo? Here’s Jimmy Kimmel to help us tackle this query.

Happy, healthy pooping!

Image Source: Yuya Tamai under Creative Commons

Earlier: Be a Hallowinner, Not a Halloweenie

Corrie said:
Nov 12, 2008 at 8:27 pm

HILARIOUS! Great post.

Jay said:
Oct 25, 2009 at 8:36 pm

I love this! A good plump large poo poo makes me smile.

Josefa Liederbach said:
Mar 21, 2012 at 1:26 pm

I as well believe so , perfectly indited post! .

Tymoteusz Sokołowski said:
Mar 23, 2012 at 12:21 am


Włodek Wieczorek said:
Mar 23, 2012 at 12:43 am


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Aug 2, 2012 at 1:12 am

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